Chapter 5
“I don’t know, Brenda…….” Jax’s hand rested on the massive handle of Wyndemere’s front door as he shook his head and grimaced. “I’m beginning to get the feeling that our little winter wonderland excursion together is a BAD idea……”
“Don’t be silly, Jax!” Brenda waved a dismissive hand at him,
shrugging on the down parka she had worn the night before. “How can this be a BAD idea? If anything, it puts on a good front for Tsevis – you know, showing him that you and Miranda are a
happily married couple who want to spend private time together.”
Jax’s lips
thinned. “I guess you could be
right…..” He plowed his fingers through
his hair before grabbing his own fleece-lined sheepskin jacket off the hall
tree in the front foyer. “But I just got
a funny feeling when we left the dining room that Tsevis
was giving us an odd look.” When she
came to stand before him, eagerly dancing from one foot to the other in
anticipation of making fresh tracks in the snow, he pointed a
n accusatory finger at her. “And let me
repeat that I STILL don’t think that your jacket is going to be warm enough in
that icebox out there!”
“You WORRY too much, Jax!” His blood
pressure soared when she briefly stuck out her tongue at him as memories of
other times when she had used that talented body part surfaced. “We’ll just wrap up in some old blankets for
the ride in the sleigh. And besides –
don’t you remember how I NEVER get cold?”
“Oh, I remember all right – I remember
a
Her chest hurt with the effort as she
took a long breath. “Jax…….I
didn’t WANT to leave you…….or to stay away for that long…….” Suddenly, her eyes shifted to dart from side
to side. “Not here, not now,” she
whispered, brushing her tears away quickly with the back of her hand. “It feels like the walls in this old house
have ears…….”
“Then let’s go down to the stable,” Jax growled through gritted teeth. “I’ll have them hook Star and
If she hadn’t felt like such a
heartless witch for keeping Jax in the dark about
here whereabouts, Brenda might have objected to the tightness of his grip on
her wrist. They arrived at the stable in
record time, with Jax setting a brisk pace as they
tromped through eight inches of new snow that blanketed the pathways. Her short breaths of air made small frosty
clouds as she waited while he hooked the horses up to the antique sleigh. Within ten minutes of leaving Wyndemere’s front door, they sailed out of the stable. Although Jax held
the horses’ reins loosely in both hands, the steely gray sparks in his eyes
betrayed the singleness of his purpose that morning.
It only took a few minutes before they
were completely surrounded by towering pine trees, their branches drooping with
the latest mantle of snow that Mother Nature had provided. Other trees, branches bare for the winter,
swayed in the breeze, their limbs making a soft “clicking” noise as the icicles
that coated them collided.
An awkward silence reigned until
Brenda finally broke it. “You cut your
hair,” she smiled, reaching up to daintily touch the spikes that bristled where
soft waves once grew. “I like it.”
“No you don’t. Nobody does,” Jax
snorted sarcastically. He pressed his
lips together and shook his head, staring down at the floor of the sleigh. “But it’s easier for me to take care of. And frankly, I didn’t give a d*mn whether or not anyone liked how I looked after
you………after………”
When he fell silent again, Brenda hung
her own head guiltily. “I’m sorry,” she
whispered. “I just seem to be putting my
foot in my mouth this morning – or maybe just *switching* feet by now, I’ve
done it so often.” She clenched her
hands, rubbing them together above the blue plaid blanket that Jax had carefully tucked around her legs before they left
the stable. “I’ll bet you mom’s happy
about the new style though,” she added with a grin. “Especially since Lady Jane was always after
you to get your hair cut.”
Jax sighed,
his face pinched and drawn. “These days,
mum doesn’t care very much about ANYTHING, let alone whether or not I’ve gotten
a haircut.”
“You mentioned her last night…..” Brenda peered at him, trying to be
delicate. “That she didn’t come out of
her room very often.”
He stared off into space as the horses
trotted slowly down a tree-lined path.
“It was hard for mum, losing dad.
That man was her entire life. And
then, when Jerry died, too…….” Jax blinked quickly to keep the tears from forming. “Well, she just sort of retreated into her
own private little fantasy world where everything is safe. Nobody gets sick and dies. Nobody leaves.”
When a sob caught in his chest, he turned and stared
down into Brenda’s soft brown eyes. “I’m
so sorry, Jax,” she repeated, reaching out to take
his hand. “It must be so very difficult
for you, seeing her like that.” She
smiled winsomely. “I remember how full
of life Jane was when she came to
He nodded.
“It’s not easy, that’s for sure.”
Then he tipped his head to the side, arching an eyebrow at her as the
horses slowed to a near stop. “But I
guess it’s no more difficult than it would have been for you to watch your
mother’s mental health deteriorate.” He
sighed. “At least the accident spared
you that grief.”
When a blush that had nothing to do with the morning’s frigid temperatures stained her cheeks, Jax’s eyes widened.
“Wait a minute……” He pulled back
sharply on the reins, bringing the sleigh to a complete halt. “Are you telling me…….” With fury dancing in his eyes, he shifted to
turn his body sideways so that he faced her.
“Do you mean that Veronica survived the crash, too?”
Brenda took a deep breath, then
nodded once quickly. “She’s alive.”
Jax leaned forward expectantly. “AND?”
The brisk breeze ruffled Brenda’s soft raven locks
as she turned from side to side, cautiously inspecting their surroundings. “It’s all so ….. complicated. I don’t exactly know where to begin, Jax……”
He wrapped the reins around the rail and settled
back against the bench seat of the sleigh, crossing his arms across his
chest. “I believe the usual response to
that, Brenda, is “at the beginning”……”
“Right again.”
She nodded once, smiled ruefully, and then pressed her lips together in
thought before speaking. “Jax, have you ever heard of something called the WSB?”
“The WSB?” His left eyebrow rose
a fraction. “Aren’t they some kind of
government intelligence agency, like the FBI or CIA?”
“You’re in the right ballpark. WSB stands for the World Security
Bureau.” She stared down into her lap
where her hands rested and took a deep breath before continuing. “Shortly after I started to date Sonny, the
WSB contacted me and asked for my help.”
Her eyes flickered up to meet his before she lowered them again
self-consciously. “About six months
before I met you, I started working for them.”
She heard Jax’s quick,
incredulous intake of breath. “Are you
trying to tell me that you became a SPY?”
Her soft chuckle bounced back off the icy
trees. “Not like some kind of James Bond
or Charlie’s Angel, Jax!” She shook her head, laughing more at herself
than at him. “I don’t carry fountain
pens that turn into rocket launchers or cigarette lighters that are miniature
radios.” The smile slowly faded from her
face. “I just used to try to eavesdrop
on Sonny and pass information along to the WSB – things I overheard him say on
the telephone, or when he had a meeting with some of his associates at his
penthouse.”
“But all those times……” Jax’s arms fell to
his sides, his shock evident. “Whenever
I tried to tell you that Corinthos was a mobster, you
wouldn’t believe me! You kept telling me
that I was imagining things!”
“I HAD to do that, Jax!”
she countered. “I had to preserve my
cover in order to stay close enough to Sonny!”
She paused to allow him to process the information, then
continued. “Thanks to the information I
was providing, the WSB managed to put a monkey wrench in quite a few of his
plans. They were getting very close to
having enough evidence to put him behind bars for the rest of his life.”
The corners of Jax’s eyes
crinkled in a frown. “I sense a “but”
coming…..”
“BUT…….” She
grimaced and let out a long sigh. “One
night, about a week before I was going to marry Sonny, I overheard him talking
about a really big smuggling operation.
They were planning one huge last haul for the night before the wedding.”
“And?”
“This was bigger than anything I had ever passed
along to the WSB before, Jax. This could have been the straw that broke the
proverbial camel’s back.” She shook her
head. “But before I could get the
information to the Bureau, Sonny somehow found out what I had been doing.”
Jax snorted his disbelief. “And he didn’t kill you?”
“No.” She
shook her head again, a distant expression on her face. “Apparently, he loved me too much, in his own
sick and twisted fashion, of course,” she quickly added. “Instead, he decided to cut his losses,
cancel the deal, and skip town.”
His head bobbed in understanding. “Which is why he left you
standing at the altar.”
“Exactly.” She exhaled quickly and sarcastically as she
stared at a distant pine tree.
“Unfortunately, once Sonny put enough distance between us, he started to
have second thoughts about just how much he really *loved* me.” Brenda’s expression was grim when she finally
looked back into Jax’s shocked face. “A few months after he left, he hired a hit
man to kill me.”
Jax’s eyes flared again. “So when you had your breakdown…….”
“I wasn’t hallucinating, Jax,”
she replied tersely. “Sonny really WAS
trying to kill me.”
“But after you got out of the hospital, you never
said anything more about it,” he argued, still frowning. “Did he just give up or cancel the contract
or something?”
“The mob NEVER just “gives up,”
Jax.” Brenda shook
her head sadly. “Sonny sent several hit
men after that, but the WSB was always able to protect me before they got too
close.”
His face clouded with anger. “You should have told me the truth, Brenda,”
he growled. “*I* should have been the
one to protect you.”
“I didn’t want you to get involved, Jax,” she whispered, reaching out to take his hands. Tears sprang to her eyes as she stared deeply
into his. “I didn’t want you anywhere
near the danger.” Her voice dropped to a
whisper. “THAT’S why the WSB convinced
me to fake my own death.”
“I don’t understand …….” Jax pulled his
hands away to rub his face briskly, trying to make sense of Brenda’s
revelations. “You faked your own
death…..”
“……to protect YOU, Jax.” Brenda took
another deep breath. “Apparently Sonny
decided that if he couldn’t kill me, he’d take out his revenge on the people I
loved most in the world. The WSB
intercepted a hit man Sonny had hired to kill you.” The corners of her mouth lifted in a grim
smile. “That’s when they convinced me
the only solution was to fake my own death and enter their Witness Protection
Program.”
Jax drew back a little, sighing
as he leaned back against the seat of the sleigh until another thought occurred
to him. “And you took Veronica with you
into the program? Were you protecting
her, too?”
“Not exactly.” Another slight smile touched Brenda’s
lips. “I knew about my mother’s mental
condition long before you found out about it, Jax. When Willburn –
he’s my supervisor at the WSB,” Brenda added in explanation, “first approached
me about entering the protection program, I turned him down. I told him that there had to be another way –
that faking my own death would hurt you too much.” She sighed.
“But then later, he told me that the Bureau had been working on some
experimental cures for my mother’s illness.
He told me that if I went into the program, he’d make sure that my
mother and I would be put at the top of the list to get the treatments.”
“Your mother…….”
Jax’s face paled. “……and YOU?”
“They ran all the tests, Jax,”
Brenda grimaced. “I HAD the gene.”
He tipped his head forward. “HAD?” he asked hopefully.
“HAD.” Her smile was finally broad and genuine. “The treatments worked. The gene is gone, or mutated back to normal,
or *whatever* the scientific term is. I
won’t have to worry about ever developing Veronica’s illness.”
“And your mother?”
“I’m afraid it didn’t work as well for her.” Brenda’s face fell again. “There are times when she’s lucid, but
unfortunately she has more bad days than good.
They think maybe it’s because she was older when she took the treatment,
or maybe because the condition had already surfaced when she began. She’s in a private WSB facility where they
constantly monitor her condition.” Her
chin thrust forward in determination.
“THAT’S why I needed the Scarpetti.”
“To pay for more
treatments?”
“No.” Brenda
carefully folded her hands in her lap.
“Although the doctors have problems getting through to Veronica, usually
she seems to recognize me. At least, she
responds to the sound of my voice or my touch.
The doctors thought that maybe if I showed her something like the Scarpetti, it might bring her the last few steps out of
that mental haze she’s in.”
Jax nodded thoughtfully. “Since it has ties to her family ….. her past…..”
“And happier times…..” Brenda mirrored his gesture. “The doctors thought that possibly the
hypnotic quality of the gem might trigger some response, particularly if *I’m*
the one who shows it to her.”
His face lit up with another question. “But I SAW your car go
over that cliff, Brenda! How did you and
Veronica survive a crash like that?”
“You SAW a remote-controlled car just like mine with
two mannequins inside, Jax,” she replied calmly. “There was a tunnel about a quarter mile
before we got to the bluff. The WSB
figured that you would be following in the helicopter. Veronica and I drove into the tunnel, but
then the identical car drove out. With
all their fancy expertise, somehow the WSB rigged the mannequins to
disintegrate once they hit the water.”
“So that’s why we never found a body,” Jax deduced quietly.
Brenda nodded.
“And once that car went off the bluff, you were so busy trying to
“rescue” Veronica and me that you never saw us drive out the other side of the
tunnel again.”
Jax shook his head, let out a
long breath, and looked into Brenda’s eyes.
“So you’ve been in hiding all this time?
Using fake identities or something?”
She tipped her head to the side and smiled at his
simplistic analysis. “Something like that.”
“But I could have gone WITH you, Brenda!” he
suddenly gasped, grabbing for her hands desperately. “If you had just told me what was going on, I
could have gone into the witness protection program with you! Just like your mother!”
“I couldn’t ask you to do that, Jax.” Her voice dropped to a pained whisper. “You’re a corporate raider with international
holdings. You’ve got bank accounts and
properties all over the world.” Brenda
glanced at the pocket of his sheepskin jacket.
“I’m surprised your cell phone isn’t already ringing off the hook. I couldn’t ask you to just give all that up
to disappear into thin air with me.”
Jax’s face twisted with
anguish. “Do you think any of that would
really matter MORE to me than being with you?”
“No……..” She
reached up to cup the side of his face tenderly. “I know that you’d give up the world for me
in a second, Jax.
And I knew it would be hard for you, thinking that I had died in the
accident.” Her thumb gently rubbed the
swell of his cheek. “But when I thought
about the fact that you’d be safe from Sonny’s revenge, leaving you behind made
more sense than taking you with me. I
couldn’t just stand by and watch you die because of me.” When she chuckled softly, he felt her fingers
tremble. “Besides, you were my white
knight so many times – don’t *I* get a turn on the horse every now and then? Can’t *I* have a chance to save you, too?”
He blinked back tears as he pressed his hand over
hers. “I guess I don’t handle being the
weaker half of the equation very well, do I?”
She flicked her thumb over the tears that spilled
onto his cheek, wiping them away. “Plus
the added benefit that if I went into the program, I could come back to you
healthy someday – without Veronica’s gene sitting inside my body like some kind
of time bomb.” Suddenly, she shifted on
the seat, annoyance lighting her eyes.
“Actually, according to the original plan, the WSB was supposed to
eventually let you in on what really happened.”
A fresh frown wrinkled Jax’s
forehead. “They were going to tell me
you were alive?”
“They were going to drop certain hints that would
bring you to that conclusion.” She
snorted sarcastically. “Unfortunately,
the agent in charge of that portion of the operation somehow dropped the ball
and you were never informed. Willburn is still trying to figure out how that happened.”
“Wait a minute……”
Jax’s eyes suddenly widened dramatically. “A few years ago, I was in
A new blush stained Brenda’s
cheeks. “That WAS me, Jax.” When he sank
back against the seat in continued disbelief, she went on. “Remember when you asked how I was living
these past six years? Well, that was
part of it.”
His anger was suddenly
transparent. “You’ve been riding in
limousines with dangerous arms dealers for six years?”
“I’ve been doing what I had been with
Sonny – gathering information for the WSB,” she replied haltingly.
His eyes sparkled with hurt. “So you’ve been playing spy all these years,
cavorting around the four corners of the globe with dangerous criminals?”
“I wouldn’t exactly call intelligence gathering
“cavorting,” Jax,” Brenda snapped. Her voice grew stronger, meeting his
disapproval head on. “Willburn told me last night that thanks to the information
I got on Cordova, he’ll be spending a LONG time behind bars.”
Jax abruptly picked up the
reins, jerking them once to start the horses moving slowly again. “You talked to this Willburn
character last night?”
Brenda settled into her side of the seat
glumly. Although Jax
seemed to accept her explanation of her whereabouts with less fury than she
expected, she knew the topic ahead wasn’t going to be smooth sailing. “I had to check in with him since I was
staying here overnight,” she explained, looking across at Jax
from beneath lowered eyelids. “The
Bureau needs to know where I am in case Veronica needs me.”
The sleigh moved silently through the snow-covered
woods for a few minutes before Jax’s voice crackled
again. “So when you spent time with
these men…….these criminals……..gathering information……..” She could see his chest jerk with the shaky
breath he took. “Did you…….sleep with
them?”
The muscles in her neck clenched as she tried to get
the words out. “Only when I couldn’t
avoid it,” she muttered, staring intently at the passing pine trees. “And I did EVERYTHING I could to avoid it.”
“I see.” His
head bobbed once tersely.
Thirty more seconds of silence followed before
Brenda exploded. “For God’s sake, Jax, don’t be such a hypocrite!! You got MARRIED!!”
“BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!” he shot
back. “There’s a *little* difference
there, you know!!”
She could almost see the tensed muscles in his
forearms as he gripped the reins. “I
KNOW, Jax,” she finally replied in a calm, quiet
voice. “And I WANTED you to move on with
your life.” Brenda licked her lips
awkwardly. “I still do.”
Jax yanked on the reins,
stopping the sleigh again near a small pond surrounded by tall evergreens. “What did you say?”
She quickly swiped the tears from her cheeks,
surprised they hadn’t frozen into tiny icicles already. “I didn’t come here to pick up where we left
off six years ago, Jax,” she whispered, strain
evident in her voice. “The doctors feel
that the Scarpetti is my mother’s best chance for
recovery. I just came here to buy it
from you and leave.” She clasped her
hands in her lap and stared down at them, unable to see the raw pain burn in Jax’s eyes. “The WSB
still hasn’t put Sonny behind bars, and until he is, I’m not safe. YOU’RE not safe. I don’t want to put you in that kind of
danger. I want you and……” Despite her best efforts, her voice
broke. “……and Miranda
to have a long, happy marriage.”
“Are you bloody CRAZY??!!” His exclamation echoed in the crisp stillness
of the morning. “Do you REALLY think I
could do that now, knowing that you were alive out there somewhere?” he asked
bitterly. “Do you REALLY think I could
make things work with Miranda, knowing that you’re in DANGER somewhere ……”
Loud, raucous laughter in the distance made them
both freeze. Jax
whirled to his right, squinted into the thickly forested hills, and then threw
the reins down so hard it made Brenda jump.
“D*MNIT all to H*LL!!”
“What’s the matter, Jax? What do you see?” She peered around him, trying to see what was
inspiring such fury.
“THERE!!” He
pointed into the forest, his hand quivering with the force of his rage. “See?
I TOLD them to stay away, but they don’t listen!!”
When four small figures in thick down coats toddled
out from behind the trees, Brenda sank back in relief. “It’s just KIDS, Jax,”
she groaned. Lack of sleep and nervous
tension had her imagining Sonny’s hit men behind every tree before she saw the
tiny, joyful boys and girls romping in the new snow. “They just probably came out to make
snowmen…..”
“Noooo……I wish it was that
simple.” The bitter tone in Jax’s voice made Brenda sit up again to watch them more
closely. The four children continued to
frolic in the deep drifts, occasionally throwing snowballs at each other. Then, when one of the little boys looked over
his shoulder towards the frozen pond, a devilish grin split his face. “There!
See?” Jax
pointed at the boy, an I-told-you-so tone in his voice. “I KNEW they were up to no good!!”
A frown deepened on Brenda’s face as she watched the
little boy inch closer and closer to the edge of the icy surface of the
pond. “They’re probably just going to
slide around on the ice, Jax.” She folded her arms across her chest, totally
at a loss as to why it was upsetting him so much. “The poor kids probably don’t have skates,
and on such a beautiful winter day after it snows, I don’t blame them…..”
“Just sliding around on the ice could get them
KILLED, Brenda!” Jax growled. He jumped out of the sleigh, nearly tripping
on the cast-aside reins in his haste.
“That pond *never* freezes solid in the winter!” He looked back at her once, propping his
hands on his hips while keeping a wary eye on the children to make sure none of
them ventured out on the ice. “I’ve fallen
through the ice a few times myself!”
When one of the little girls squealed in delight and started running
towards the edge of the pond, he turned back towards it. “I’ve TOLD their parents to keep the kids
away from here, but they just don’t LISTEN!!”
As Brenda watched in horror, Jax
started sprinting towards the group of children, shouting as he did. “GET BACK!!
IT’S NOT SAFE!!” She sat forward
in the sleigh, catching her breath when the little girl seemed to ignore him
and inched onto the fringes of the pond.
Jax’s second shout was even louder. He waved his arms, putting on a burst of
speed as he rounded the edge of the trees and came within fifty feet of the
children. “STAY OFF THE ICE!!”
Brenda didn’t realize she was holding her breath
until her chest started to ache. She
covered her lips with her hands, finally saying a silent prayer of thanks when
the little girl toddled her way back to the shore. Jax waited until
she was near enough, then grabbed her tightly around
the waist, hauling her back onto snow-covered dry land.
When she saw Jax crouch
down and begin speaking to the group of children, Brenda finally decided that
it was safe enough to relax. She
couldn’t hear him, but chuckled at the tongue-lashing she imagined he was
giving them. Settling back into the seat
of the sleigh, she couldn’t avoid the thoughts that assailed her – thoughts of
how Jax would discipline THEIR children. Thoughts of how their son would probably have
Jax’s good looks and devil-may-care appetite for
adventure. Thoughts of how their
daughter would have her long, dark hair and his……
At first, she wasn’t sure if she was imagining
things again. It was just a flicker of
dark cloth – a shadow of black dancing among the white fluffy snow that
blanketed the trees in the distance.
Brenda frowned and sat up straighter when she saw it again. Something was hanging from the lowest branch
of a pine tree about twenty-five feet to the right of the sleigh. Something long, and black –
with an attached hood and a rope belt.
Something that swung and swayed in the breeze,
snapping loudly when a sudden gust caught it and jerked it like a flag. Something that looked very much like a monk’s
habit……
The jerk of the sleigh tossed her back so hard it
rattled Brenda’s teeth. She sank to the
floor of the buckboard-style seat, grabbing wildly for the reins as the horses
galloped pell-mell into the woods.
Branches thrashed at her arms and snow pelted her in the face as the
driverless sleigh barreled to parts unknown.
The last thing she heard was Jax’s voice,
calling to her as the unthinkable unfolded before him once again.
“BRENDA!!!!!
JUMP!!!!”
To be continued…..
Author’s note:
Although this fanfic is not an adaptation of
that book, Brenda’s whereabouts were inspired by a story called “Lover Come
Back,” by Jill Shalvis. In that book, the hero comes back two years
after disappearing on his wedding night to enter a witness protection
program. I felt it was consistent with
GH storylines, particularly when I remembered how Duke faked his own death and
entered the WPP to protect Anna and Robin many years ago.
Remember that this is also an alternate
reality fanfic – in this case, “Miranda” never faked
her own death after being injured in a mine explosion.