This chapter is for Blue, who provides me with such excellent inspiration for her character’s actions and inspiration for writing in general!

Warning: Rated PG for possibly strong language

Brenda was in the kitchen humming happily when Jax descended the stairs the following morning. He stopped for a moment outside the kitchen door, realizing the hell there would be to pay when she discovered his plans. He put a bright smile on his face and went in.

She turned as soon as he entered the room. "Good morning!" she said cheerily. She went over to give him a lingering good morning kiss, and then just as abruptly, went back over to the freezer. "I found just one more package of those Belgian waffles hidden way in the back! Would you like some this morning?" Her eyes got a twinkle. "You did seem to work up an appetite last night, you know."

He tried to appear as though everything were normal. "Sure. Sounds good." He moved to the table and sat down.

She got out the waffles and continued to chatter. "It looks like you already showered this morning. I guess your shoulder is healing pretty well. We’ll change the dressing after breakfast." She turned to him and caught him staring at his hands, which were folded on the table. "Did you remember to bring down the bottle of horse pills so you can take one with breakfast?" He nodded silently, but she just kept humming and working on breakfast.

After they ate, Jax returned to the bedroom while she cleaned up. {D*mn, this is going to be harder than I thought. You really messed up big time, Jax. You know how the agency feels about becoming emotionally involved with anyone while you’re on a case.} As he was raking himself over the coals, he ran his fingers through his hair. Then he walked over to the nightstand and pulled the drawer open. Slowly, he took the pistol out of the drawer and checked the safety again.

Just as he finished checking the weapon and he tucked it into his waistband, he heard Brenda climbing the stairs. "Anyone for dessert?" her giggle lilted through the air, and his heart sank. "Jax? Where are you?" She rounded the corner of the doorway and then saw him. "Here you are!" She came over to him to embrace him, but as soon as she put her arms around him, she felt the weapon at the back of his jeans and she froze.

"Jax? What’s that?" Why are you…." Her face paled as she realized why he had been so quiet that morning. Her lower lip began to quiver and he felt like more of a criminal than Mac would ever accuse him of being. He moved away from her toward the door and just stood there. Finally, she turned to face his back.

"You’re leaving today, aren’t you?" she said in a soft voice. "That’s why you’re dressed, and why you were so quiet at breakfast."

He turned back to her and saw the tears already forming in her eyes. "I have to, Brenda. The pathology report will come back today and will show that nobody died in that explosion. This area will be swarming with cops in no time." He came to her with his arms outstretched, but she shrank back from him.

"That’s what last night was about," she said, trying to hold her tears in check. "You were saying good-bye." Her defense mechanisms kicked in and she became angry. "So, when were you planning to tell me this? As you were walking out the door? "Oh, and by the way, love, I have to walk out of your life now. Never mind that I changed it forever. It’s been fun." Am I close?" She spun around to face away from him as her tears began to run down her cheeks.

Jax recognized that she was only trying to hide the depth of her feelings from him and came up behind her to enfold her in his arms. She pulled away once, and he turned her around to face him. "Brenda, I never meant to hurt you."

She stared up into his sad eyes with her fiery ones. "Well, you are! You can’t just waltz into my life like this and then leave!" She pushed at him and he held her tight, so she pounded her left fist weakly on the right side of his chest in frustration. As he held her tightly to him, she began to sob, and he caressed her hair and tried to comfort her until the storm passed.

Finally she began to calm and she looked up at his face, tracing it with her finger to memorize it. "What if I never see you again? What if the find out where you’ve gone and…." She couldn’t finished the sentence, and he placed his fingers against her lips.

"Brenda," he smiled, "give me a little credit. I’ve gotten out of worse situations than this in the past. I promise nothing will happen to me."

She sniffed and hiccuped once softly. "I still don’t see why I can’t come with you." Her face brightened a little. "We could make up some kind of cover, like we’re a married couple or something." She pulled away and began to walk around the room and gesture with her hands as she spoke hopefully. "Or we could be newlyweds on our honeymoon!" She smiled seductively. "We could give a whole new meaning to "going undercover"!"

He shook his head and then came over to take her in his arms again. "Brenda, it won’t work. I can move faster without you. I won’t have to worry about your safety. It’s really better this way."

She wasn’t listening, though, and she continued to gesture from within his embrace. "Or we could be tourists – I would be able to go inside and ask directions at stores and gas stations and you wouldn’t need to be seen! I could go into fast food restaurants and get stuff for us to eat and then I could go…" As she stopped to take a breath, he put his palm over her mouth and shook his head ruefully and smiled.

"Ahhh, hellcat. There’s just no stopping you once you get started is there?" He took his hand away as her face drooped in disappointment. He lowered his voice and pulled her hard against him as one hand moved up to cup her breast. "Now, would you please just stop talking?"

She caught her breath but still pouted. "Why?"

"Because I intend to kiss the sweet hell out of that mouth of yours, and it helps if you’re not talking when I do it." He lowered his mouth to hers, and she moaned deeply as his tongue swept into her mouth and found a home. She threaded her hands up into the hair at the back of his neck, and then moved one hand down to start unbuttoning his blue chambray shirt. She heard him moan when her delicate fingers found his bare chest and caressed it, but then they jumped apart when they heard the faint sound of a car coming down the outer road.

Brenda looked panicked. "Who could that be?"

Jax cupped the side of her face with his hand. "That would be people from the bureau. I called Sean last night after you went to sleep." Her eyes grew wider and then began to grow cloudy with anger again. "Some agents will be coming here to bring me a car and then to wipe down your cottage to erase any proof that I was ever here." She took a breath to speak, but he stopped her. "It’s standard operating procedure, love. It’s called a cleaning crew." He looked into her eyes and cupped her face with his hands. "It would kill me if I ever thought that you got into any trouble because of the time I spent here, Brenda. Do you understand that? It would d*mn well KILL me."

She finally nodded her understanding, although she still found it hard to smile under the circumstances. She loved him so much, and she suspected he felt the same, but he hadn’t said the words and she didn’t know if he could.

They heard the car grow closer and Jax gave her one more quick kiss and then went downstairs to meet the agents. Brenda wrapped her arms around herself and shivered once, and then slowly followed him out of the room.

Jax watched out the window of the cottage as a battered old green car pulled up in front. Two women got out, and he smiled. He opened the door for them as soon as they came up onto the porch.

He opened his arms wide and was immediately embraced by the one. "Blue, thanks for coming on such short notice." He hugged her hard and she caressed the hair at the back of his neck briefly.

"You know I would do anything for you, darlin’," she said softly. She pulled out of his embrace and as his eyes narrowed devilishly, she laughed. "WELL, almost anything, you bad boy." She looked at his shoulder. "How’s the wound?"

"Healing nicely, thanks to your wonder pills," he replied. Then Jax turned to the other woman, who had come into the cottage and closed the front door. "V, how are you doing? I haven’t seen you in a long time."

She reached out to shake his hand briskly. "Fine, Mr. Jacks. I just got back from Indonesia last night but when I heard that you needed help, I got in touch with Blue right away and volunteered. "Anything for Mr. Jacks," I always say. I can get by on minimal sleep, you know. Mr. Donnelly is always amazed at that. I’m just going to go and check outside to make sure we weren’t followed and then I’ll be back and we can get to work." Having said all of that in one breath, she went out the door, with Jax and Blue both staring at her wake.

Jax shook his head hopelessly. "Still haven’t cured that perkiness affliction of hers, have they?"

Blue shook her head in a similar fashion. "Nope. And all I can say is I’m d*mn glad it’s not contagious." They both turned back to the stairway when they heard Brenda clear her throat loudly. Blue’s face broke into a smile. "Good morning, Miss Barrett. You’ve done a fine job taking care of my falcon, here. Sounds like he’s made a complete recovery."

Brenda’s face showed a twisted smile. "That’s me, Florence Nightingale. I’m so proud of myself." She spoke in a monotone, and Blue frowned a little, but then they were interrupted when V came back into the cottage and closed the door.

"We’re clean," she announced, and then looked at Brenda. "Good morning, Miss Barrett." She went over to shake Brenda’s hand vigorously. "I’m from the bureau, too. My name’s V – V Ardanowski, but you can just call me V like everybody else does. Glad to meet you. We’re really grateful for all you did for Mr. Jacks." Brenda’s eyes began to well up with tears again and she lashed out.

"V? Your name is just V?" She looked at the three of them, one by one. "What is it with you people? Is everything a game, even your names? Colors, alphabet letters….don’t you spies have real names like Smith or Jones or something?" She stood there for a moment, and then when a sob began to spill out, she made a run for the kitchen and went through the doors.

V watched her go and then turned back to Jax and Blue. "Why don’t you go start to work on the upstairs bedroom?" Blue suggested diplomatically, and V saluted her, pulled some surgical gloves out of a duffel bag she brought with her, and disappeared up the stairs. They watched until she was gone, and then Blue turned to Jax. "Brenda doesn’t seem to be taking this too well. I would hazard a guess that she’s not too happy that you’re leaving."

"No one could ever accuse you of being slow on the uptake, Blue." Jax let out a long sigh and sat down wearily on the couch. "I keep trying to explain to her that she can’t go with me – that I can’t put her in more danger than she already is." His eyes were glued to the closed kitchen door. "But she just can’t understand that."

Blue put her hand over Jax’s, which was resting on his knee. "That’s only because she loves you so much, you know that, don’t you?" Jax nodded silently. "And," Blue added knowingly, "I have a feeling that you feel the same way about her."

Jax looked into her eyes and she saw the hint of tears there. "I messed up big time, Blue. I broke the rule that we learned the first day at the bureau – never get involved." He shook his head. "But I can’t help the way I feel."

Blue patted his hand again. "Then maybe you should tell her that," she said. He looked at her once more and nodded ever so slightly, and then quickly rose from the couch to go upstairs. Blue watched his back and then shook her head. {Why do men have to turn into complete jackasses when they fall in love?} She sighed and looked at the kitchen door. {Must run in the family.}

Brenda chose that moment to emerge from the kitchen, sniffling slightly. She looked around the living room. Blue had donned some surgical gloves and had begun taking some kind of cloth and dusting all of the furniture. She looked up when she saw Brenda. "Hi’ya, sweetie. He’s upstairs."

Brenda nodded slowly and then came over to Blue. "I’m sorry about what I said before. I don’t think that I’m exactly running on all cylinders this morning. No offense?"

Blue smiled broadly and hugged her. "None taken, Brenda. I understand what’s going on." She pulled back and looked into Brenda’s sad eyes. "You really have to let him go this time. He’s right about leaving by himself. He’ll be fine, you’ll see."

Brenda nodded again and at that moment, Jax and V came back downstairs. "Did you get everything upstairs?" Blue asked.

V nodded and showed Blue a large plastic bag. "I got all the disposable razors out of the bathroom and wiped it clean. The bedroom’s done, too." V nodded at the duffel bag Blue had brought. "Mr. Jacks took care of gathering up all of his clothing." V looked around the living room. "Do you want me to take care of this room or is there something else?"

Before Blue could answer, Jax was looking out the front windows of the cottage at the car parked in the driveway. "Blue, where’s your Jag? Did you stash it in the woods somewhere?"

Blue smiled and walked over to put her arm around Jax’s shoulders. "Yes, it’s stashed, darlin’, and that’s where it’s gonna stay until V and I are ready to leave."

Jax looked confused. "But I told Sean I needed wheels!" Then he cuddled up to Blue’s side and lay his head on her shoulder. "And you know how much I LOVE to drive that car of yours, Miss Blue," he crooned.

Blue patted his head like a good puppy dog. "Yes, I know that, Jax." Then she pushed his head back up and she put her hand on her hip. "And I also know how you totaled my last Jag and how much you love to see if you can break every land speed record driving it." She smiled cunningly. "Which is why you’ll be driving V’s car this time."

Jax sputtered and went to look out the window again. "That? I’m driving that?"

V got defensive and stuck out her chin. "What do you mean, "THAT"? It’s a perfectly good, mint condition, 1974 Gremlin."

Blue had to stifle her giggle. {What’s so surprising about that? Seems like a perfect match to me.}

Jax made a prune face and looked back outside and then to the women again. Brenda was finally starting to crack a smile. "But it’s a relic! And it’s so small! There’s no way I can fit my long legs in that car!"

V went over to stand next to Jax. "Sure you can, Mr. Jacks. Just put the seat back and you’ll be fine."

"V, even if I put the seat back to CLEVELAND it still won’t be far enough!" he sputtered.

Finally Blue looked at her watch and threw up her hands. "OK, kids, I hate to break up this love fest, but the pathology report is due out in about 2 hours and we want Jax here on the road when the sh*t hits the fan." She looked at Brenda, who began to stare at the floor and shuffle her feet, and then back at Jax, who was staring up at the ceiling and then over at Brenda now and again. {Oh, no, not again. God, I hate this playing Cupid crap.} Suddenly, she got a wicked smile on her face and turned to V.

"Say, V, I thought of another place we need to sweep before we call this place clean. Didn’t you bring Jax back here on your horse the other night, Miss Barrett?" Brenda nodded silently, and then Jax began to stifle a giggle and stare at the floor as he realized where Blue was going with this. "Well, I think you’d better go out and clean up the stable area to make sure there aren’t any prints on the saddle or anything."

"Absolutely right!" V exclaimed, and was out the door almost before Blue could catch her.

"Oh, and V – you might clean the stalls too – just in case Jax here took it on himself to walk around out there or anything…" At V’s look of disgust, Blue played the martyr. "Of course, if this is something you don’t think you can handle, I can always take care of it as senior agent. But I thought you told me you were ready to handle ALL the aspects of a clean sweep operation…."

V immediately snapped to attention. "And I will, Miss Blue! You can count on me!" She was out the door in a flash and Blue waited until she was out earshot to collapse into giggles.

Jax was almost laughing out loud by this time, too. "Blue, you are just too mean to her, you know!"

"Oh, darlin’," Blue crooned as she went toward the kitchen, dust rag in hand, "I have only BEGUN to fight!" As she waltzed toward the door with a triumphant look on her face, Jax waited until she was almost through the door to call to her.

"But Blue," he said with a straight face, "have you noticed that you’re beginning to walk a lot like V?" Blue shot the kitchen door back open again and gave him a cold stare, and then let it close. He was still shaking his head and smiling when he walked over to Brenda and took her in his arms. He tipped her face back to look into her eyes, and he saw they were already misting over.

"So I take it this is the big kiss-off, huh?" she said bravely.

"Very aptly put, my love," he replied, and lowered his face to hers to give her what started as a sweet, tender kiss. Soon her hands found their way around his waist and she gently traced the line of his lips with her tongue. He didn’t need much encouragement. His mouth opened to her tongue and he moaned softly as he felt her breasts press up against his chest. He finally broke the kiss and pulled back. "Now Brenda, I need you to do two things for me when I go," he said softly.

Brenda wiped the tears away from her eyes with the back of her hand. "Oh, no, not this – it’s déjà vu all over again! Remember – two things I had to do when you left on the motorcycle?"

He snuggled her close. "Yeah, but these are a little different, and I know you can do them." He traced her cheeks with his finger to try to dry the tears. "First of all, don’t cry."

She snorted. "Well, there’s failure number 1. You know I can’t do that." She looked into his face and rubbed her thumb over his lips. "I love you, Jax. I love you so much it hurts." She pulled him down again for another kiss, and he could taste the salt from her tears on her lips. They both pulled apart when they heard Miss Blue’s gentle throat-clearing in the background.

"I’m just about ready, Blue," he said to her with a nod. Then Jax looked back at Brenda. "And number two," he cupped her face with his hands gently and whispered in her ear, "have that old lady down at the store teach you how to cook!" She finally began to laugh a little, and her smile was like a life raft to a drowning man. He continued to hold her face, kissed her once more quickly, and then whispered against her mouth, "I love you, too, Brenda. I’ll never love another woman as long as I live the way I love you."

She caught her breath, but before she could say anything to him, he had pulled out of her embrace and headed for the duffel bag at the door. He heard her sobs and it tore him apart. "JAX! PLEASE, JAX, DON’T GO!" He looked back at Blue, who had come forward and was now holding a trembling Brenda.

As Brenda lay her head on Blue’s shoulder and let the sobs out, Blue mouthed the words to Jax, "The keys are in the ignition. God speed." He raised his first two fingers and tapped them to his forehead in salute, and then was out the door. Brenda’s body jumped at the slamming of the door, and Blue helped her over to the couch so they could both sit down.

Brenda continued to cry softly as they heard the grinding of the engine and then listened as it faded into the distance. Blue just held her, and finally Brenda used the back of her hand to wipe her eyes. "You must think I’m some kind of idiot to get so upset over him, don’t you?"

Blue shook her head and smiled sadly. "No, sweetie, I think he’s very lucky to have a woman who loves him that much." She took Brenda’s hands in hers and turned her to face her on the couch. "But you have to realize that Jax is counting on you right now."

"On me?" Brenda sniffed. "How? How can I help him if I’m here and he’s out there?"

"That pathology report should come back in an hour or two and Mac will find out that Jax isn’t dead." Blue chuckled a little. "Although it’s hard to believe, Mac’s not always as stupid as he looks, and pretty soon he’ll figure out that you’re the only one that lives anywhere near Cooper’s Ridge where he got wounded. He’ll probably be here with his troops to question you shortly."

Brenda wiped her eyes again, now fully alert. "Question me? About Jax?" She pulled her hands away and wrung them together. "Oh, God, what do I say? I don’t want to screw things up for Jax."

Blue patted her knee. "Just keep denying everything that Mac accuses you of. We should be out of here by then and if we’ve done our job right, there won’t be any trace of him left for Mac to find. The important thing is for you to stall Mac. While he’s spinning his wheels trying to get you to tell him something, Jax will have the time to go get the evidence that will clear him."

Brenda’s face lightened. "So I WILL be helping him! I didn’t realize that." Then she looked a little confused and a little annoyed. "But why didn’t Jax tell me that himself?"

Blue chuckled again. "Because, sweetie, then he would have to admit he needs you, and Jax would never want to do that." She shook her head. "Trusting someone has never come easy to Jax – he always wants to be the one in control." Her eyes saddened. "He’s still carrying around a lot of guilt for what happened to his brother. He thinks it’s his fault that Jerry was in that explosion."

Brenda nodded. "He told me that."

Blue patted Brenda’s knee again just as V re-entered the cottage. "You just keep Mac busy here for a couple of hours, sweetie, and Jax will have you to thank for saving his life." She looked over to V. "Did you finish it all?" At V’s nod, Blue looked around the room. "OK, let’s finish up in here and then we’ll sweep the kitchen one more time." Brenda sat on the couch and watched them as she tried to get her feelings under control.

{You have to be brave now, Brenda. You have to stay calm and collected. Jax needs you. He loves you.} She kept repeating those words to herself and rocking back and forth on the couch.

######

After Blue and V left, Brenda tried to keep herself busy around the cottage. Despite the "cleaning" they did, she scrubbed her kitchen floor and bathroom fixtures until they sparkled. She finally took a break for lunch and when she turned on the TV, she saw Mac Scorpio’s face and froze.

"We now have confirmation from the pathologists that Jasper Jacks did NOT die in the explosion in Cooper’s Ridge several days ago. We have set up our road blocks once again and are beginning to canvas the area around the ravine for possible clues. We again stress to the public to be aware of their surroundings and be on the lookout for this dangerous man."

Brenda shivered and turned off the TV quickly. She tried to eat some of the leftover stew from Mary, but it only brought back memories of sharing the meal with Jax the night before. Finally, she took her dishes and washed them quickly in the sink.

As she paced the cottage nervously, she finally decided a ride on Star might do her some good. She went out to the stable and gave the horse a grooming and fed her. She let her out for some exercise and just as she was about to put her saddle on, Brenda heard the sound of cars coming up the outer road. Taking a deep breath, she put Star back in the stall and closed the stable doors.

Just as she did, three police cars pulled up in front of the cottage, and she could see Mac Scorpio in one of them. She walked back onto her front porch and Mac and some troopers met her there. She had met Mac briefly on a few occasions with Sonny, but she had never developed a close relationship with him. She was glad of that now.

"Good afternoon, Miss Barrett," Mac said icily.

"Commissioner Scorpio," she responded coolly. "What can I do for you?"

Mac looked around and three troopers joined him. He nodded toward the stable and two more troopers went in that direction. "We’d like to come in and ask you some questions, Miss Barrett. We’d like to take a look around your cottage."

"Are you thinking of buying some property out here?" Brenda asked innocently. She had opened the door and was backing inside and trying to close it, but Mac blocked it with his body.

Mac fumed. "Don’t play dumb with me, Miss Barrett." He pulled out a picture of Jax and showed it to her. "Do you know this man?"

Brenda shook her head. "No, I’ve never seen him before. Why?"

Mac sighed in exasperation. "This is Jasper Jacks. He’s wanted for the murder of a police officer. We believe he was in this area a few nights ago and was wounded by one of our troopers. We also think that he managed to escape from us and hide out for a few days somewhere around here." His eyes narrowed and Brenda shivered. "Did you aid Mr. Jacks and allow him to stay here to recuperate from his wounds?"

Brenda put her hands on her hips. "If I said I don’t even know the man, how could I have helped him escape from you?"

Mac gave a disgusted look to the other troopers and then pushed his way past her into the cottage. "We need to come in and take a look around to see if there’s any evidence that he was here."

"Wait!" Brenda stammered as the three other troopers followed him. "You can’t just barge your way in here! Don’t you need a warrant or something?" At Brenda’s outburst, Mac reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper which he waved at her and then threw on the couch.

Mac completely ignored her and directed one trooper into the kitchen and two to the upstairs. "Dust for prints and look for anything that might connect her to the suspect." He looked back at Brenda. "Mr. Jacks was wounded the other night in Cooper’s Ravine. We found some horse’s hoof-prints in a narrow pass leading out of the ravine. You own a horse, don’t you, Miss Barrett?"

Her chin lifted in defiance. "Yes, I do. You know very well that Sonny gave me that horse. And I DO ride her in that area – frequently. It’s one of my favorite places to ride for some peace and quiet."

"And were you riding there three nights ago, around 9PM?"

Just as Brenda opened her mouth to deny it, a voice was heard from upstairs. "Commissioner, I think I’ve got something."

Mac went to the foot of the stairs as one of the troopers came down with something in his hands. Brenda couldn’t see it at first, but then she had to try mightily to control her breathing.

Mac turned to her triumphantly and came to stand before her. He held up Jax’s blood-stained chambray shirt. "Trooper Anderson found this in the bottom of your laundry hamper." He held it up and turned it from side to side. "I don’t think it’s yours – and it’s much too big for Sonny. And then there’s this interesting blood stain in the left shoulder." He got a smug smile on his face. "Are you still sure that you don’t know Jasper Jacks?"

To be continued….