"Brenda……" Jax’s head turned from side to side on the pillow as he murmured her name. His eyes remained closed until they shot wide open in terror. "BRENDA!!"

"I’m *here*, honey!" Brenda stroked the hair back off Jax’s forehead. Although she was right there in the room with him, leaning over his hospital bed, it took him a few minutes before it seemed to register.

"You’re……..You’re HERE?" Jax’s hand visibly trembled as he reached for her. "And you’re OK?"

"I’m fine, Jax," she whispered, placing a kiss on his hand to try to soothe him. "Just fine."

He closed his eyes against the pain that suddenly washed over him, taking his breath away. "What……how bad……."

"You had to have surgery, Jax," she whispered. "The knife nicked your lung and bounced off a few ribs."

He licked his lips. "How long have I been out?"

"A little more than twelve hours." Brenda glanced down at her watch. "It’s almost ten in the morning."

When Jax opened his eyes again, she saw tears gathered in the corners. "But he didn’t hurt you?"

"No, honey – I’m not hurt at all." Brenda tenderly brushed her lips against his and cupped the side of his face. "You saved me, Jax."

"But I almost didn’t." Cold self-loathing filled his face. "I was such a d*mn bloody fool……..falling for Mac’s excuses like that."

"You weren’t the only one, Jax!" she argued softly. "Mac had *everyone* fooled, including me!" She shook her head. "I *still* couldn’t believe it when they told me that it was really the Commissioner who killed all those women."

"Should have ……. figured it out sooner." Jax snorted disdainfully. "First Blue, and then he almost killed you……"

Brenda sat forward and cupped Jax’s face in her hands as she stared directly into his eyes. "Now listen to me, Jax – you CAN’T blame yourself for this! NOBODY could have figured it out and stopped him! You dragged yourself out on my front porch while you were bleeding to death, just so you could protect me!"

He chewed on his lower lip, nodded brusquely, and then some of the tension seemed to leave his face. "How’s Blue?"

Brenda chuckled softly. "I hear that within five minutes of her arrival in the ER, she was demanding that Dr. Kovac give her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation– even if she didn’t need it!" She stroked the side of his face with the back of her forefinger. "Blue came through surgery with flying colors and is recuperating in a room right down the hall."

Jax smiled and started to move in the bed but then winced, reaching up towards the large bandage on his chest. "Ouch…….hurts."

The smile instantly vanished from Brenda’s face. "Do you need something for the pain?" She started to rise from her chair. "Because I can go get someone……"

Before Jax could answer her, the door to the hospital room opened. "Well, well……." Bobbie Spencer Jacks entered, a chart in her hand and a broad smile on her face. "Sounds like somebody’s awake in here!"

"He just woke up about five minutes ago," Brenda quickly supplied. "But he’s in pain….."

"Well, that’s to be expected!" Bobbie grimaced and walked over to the bed, lifting Jax’s wrist to take his pulse. "I *still* can’t believe that Mac Scorpio had the gall to treat poor Jax like last Thanksgiving’s turkey!"

"I *was* the turkey – for not figuring it out sooner." Jax’s expression was grim but Bobbie held up a hand and placed a stethoscope to his chest before he could say any more.

"Are you his nurse now?" Brenda turned to look over her shoulder and pointed towards the door. "Because there was some other blonde bimbo on duty last night who didn’t even know the business end of a thermometer!"

"Yep." She hung the stethoscope around her neck again and made some notes in Jax’s chart. "I’m afraid you’re stuck with me for the next eight hours."

"Last night?" Jax looked quizzically from one woman to the other. "Brenda was here last night?"

"ALL night." Bobbie replaced the chart and smiled as she double-checked several of Jax’s IV’s. "Frankly, I think that I’m assigned to your case this morning because most of the rest of the nursing staff is afraid of your Miss Barrett."

"Afraid?" Jax started to laugh but then his eyebrows crinkled with pain and he looked towards Brenda. "Of you?"

Her cheeks bloomed a becoming shade of pink. "Let’s just say that I was rather impatient when it came to making sure you got the best of care."

Bobbie chuckled. "More like she nearly raised the roof off this place whenever anybody was so much as thirty seconds late with your meds or to take your vitals." She walked towards the door, resting her hand on the knob. "I’ll let Monica know you’re awake. I’m sure she’ll be in to check on you shortly. "She pulled open the door and stepped back when a man in a dark suit stood right outside. "Can I help you?"

"Is this Lieutenant Jasper Jacks’ room?" He flashed a badge at Bobbie. "I’m Captain Bob Witherspoon – PCPD Internal Affairs." He nodded towards Jax. "I’d like to have a few words with the Lieutenant, if that’s alright with you."

"Lieutenant Jacks sustained a serious chest wound and is recovering from major surgery, Captain," Bobbie bristled. "He hasn’t even seen most of his family yet and he’s still very weak."

"I’ll only be two minutes – I promise." He held up his hand in the Boy Scout configuration to show his earnestness.

"Welllll…….." Bobbie glanced back at Jax. "I’ll have to go let Dr. Quartermaine know you’re here, and if you don’t stick to that promise, she’ll come down here and throw you out herself."

The dark-haired man smiled at Bobbie again and then slid past her as she closed the door to the room. "Jax……" He came to stand at the foot of Jax’s bed. "How ‘ya feelin’?"

"Like sh*t." Jax quickly shifted his eyes towards Brenda. "Pardon my French." Although he had used colorful language in her presence before, it was usually only when he was provoked. With fellow cops, on the other hand, it was the norm.

"I have a feeling he’s not only talking about how he feels physically, Captain." Brenda extended her hand to the man. "I’m Brenda Barrett."

"I know. They dropped this case on my desk last night around 10:30." He shook her hand firmly. "Let’s just say that in the past fourteen hours, I’ve become *extremely* familiar with most of the major players."

Jax shifted in the bed and winced again. "So how *are* things down at the PCPD this morning?"

"Confused. Most of the guys are pretty hurt and embarrassed." Witherspoon shrugged. "About how you’d expect them to be when you find out your commander-in-chief was a serial killer at heart."

"I still don’t believe it." Brenda shook her head. "I mean, Mac told Jax *so* many things about his son being the killer that seemed to make sense."

"He was an *exceptional* liar – that’s for sure." Witherspoon dug into the small briefcase he carried for a file. "But after we took a Blue’s statement, we got a warrant and searched Mac’s locker." He grimaced. "The journal we found pretty much spells it out. It’s really incriminating stuff."

Jax sighed. "Yeah, but does it say anything about WHY he would murder so many innocent women?"

"One of the shrinks from GH took a look at it. She says there’s some stuff in there about Mac feeling inadequate compared to his super-hero older brother. She thinks that the pressure from the job and some depression sent him over the edge. Killing women and making the detectives look like fools somehow seemed to give him a sense of control."

"So the case is closed now?" Brenda asked hopefully. "There’s no doubt and Jax won’t have to be questioned for shooting Mac?"

"It’s pretty clear he was trying to save your life, Miss Barrett," Witherspoon replied. "Once Jax is feeling a little stronger, I’ll just need a statement from him to close out the paperwork." He slid the file back into the briefcase and then pointed a finger at Brenda. "AND I’ll need a statement from you, of course. Since *you’re* the one who actually ID’d Mac as the Slasher in the first place."

She grasped Jax’s hand firmly. "I’d like to stay with Jax right now, Captain."

He smiled and winked at Jax. "You’re a d*mn lucky guy, Lieutenant – in more ways than one." Then he nodded at Brenda. "Just stop by the station whenever it’s convenient, Miss Barrett. I’ll let them know and somebody will take your statement whenever it’s convenient for you."

Jax’s eyes suddenly widened. "Couldn’t you go to Miss Barrett’s home to take that statement, Witherspoon?" He arched an eyebrow at Brenda. "She ……uh……..well, she doesn’t exactly like coming downtown ……with all the traffic at this time of year and all…….."

Brenda suddenly squeezed Jax’s hand and smiled serenely at Witherspoon. "Why don’t we just compromise, Captain? I’ll be around the hospital for the foreseeable future, so when you take Jax’s statement, you can take mine, too."

Jax opened his mouth to protest but Witherspoon nodded and shook Brenda’s hand again. "Works for me, Miss Barrett." He picked up his briefcase and walked towards the door. "Now I’d better get out of here before that nurse comes back and raises holy h*ll."

Jax waited until the door slid shut to speak. "Brenda? Are you OK?"

She rose and propped her arms on Jax’s bed rail. "I told you, Jax – I’m fine. Mac didn’t hurt me."

"That’s not what I mean," he argued. "You’ve been here at the hospital all night, and now you’re saying you don’t want to go home….." He let the statement trail when she just smiled at him. "Don’t you……I mean, aren’t you feeling …….shaky? Or panicky or anything?"

She paused for a few seconds and then smiled angelically at him. "Nope. Not even a flutter."

"The agoraphobia’s *gone*?" Jax’s eye narrowed suspiciously. "Maybe it’s because you were just so worried about me, and now that I’m out of the woods, it’ll come back……."

"OR maybe it’s because when Mac nearly slit my throat, I found out what fear REALLY felt like," Brenda chuckled. Then the smile left her face. "Or maybe it’s just because I never felt this loved before. Or this secure." She cupped the side of his face again. "You promised me that you’d never leave me, Jax – that you’d always take care of me. And that’s just what you did. And what you WILL do for the rest of our lives." She sighed. "And although I know you’ll have to go to work every day chasing bad guys and putting your life on the line for other people…….."

"Shhhhh…….." Jax placed his finger against her lips. "Let’s not talk about that right now. I’ve got a lot of leave time accumulated, and I should get some time off to recuperate from this little scratch Mac gave me, so we won’t even think about that right now." He crooked his finger towards her and when she leaned far over the bed, he gave her a quick, tender kiss. "You’re safe with me, Brenda."

"And you’re safe with me, too, Jax." She rubbed her thumb against his lower lip to wipe away the traces of lipstick, but then her smile suddenly disappeared when one of the machines next to Jax’s bed started beeping loudly. "D*mnit!!" Jax jumped a little at her sudden passionate – and uncharacteristically profane – outburst. "Doesn’t *anybody* around here care about you?" She straightened up and marched towards his door, yanking it open and staring out in the hallway. "Bobbie!!! Get your skinny @ss back in this room and fix Jax’s IV NOW!!!"

Jax chuckled to himself as Brenda began swearing louder and stomped off towards the nurses’ station. "Bloody h*ll………" He sank back onto the pillows with a satisfied sigh. "I think I’ve created a monster."

I’ll be home for Christmas, You can plan on me

"And thaaaaaat about does it!" Jane Jacks carefully set a large platter crowned by a perfectly browned turkey in the center of an overflowing dining room table. She rubbed her hands on her apron and then frowned and looked around. "Where’s Brenda?"

"I don’t know……" Jasmine set down the folding chairs she was carrying and started to open them at the children’s table. "The last time I remember seeing her was when we were all in the living room around the tree and dad was passing out presents."

Bobbie put spoons in two more bowls of vegetables before she looked up. "I thought Brenda went back out to the kitchen with *you* to help with the mashed potatoes again." Her face dropped. "Why? Is there a problem?"

"No." Jane folded her arms and glanced back towards the kitchen. "It’s just that I wasn’t sure if I have to do something to that beautiful Yorkshire pudding she brought for dessert before we serve it and I wanted to check with her."

"Check with who?" Celia carried a large pot of steaming coffee into the dining room. "Who did we lose now?"

"Brenda." Jane took the coffee from her and started to fill some of the cups at the table. "We can’t seem to locate her."

"Has anyone thought to try under the dining room table?" Caroline giggled, joining the hen party.

"*I* know where she is!" Justine chuckled as she tried to steal an olive from the relish tray, only to have her hand slapped by Jane. "I think I saw her with Emma and Lorraine heading for the guest bedroom upstairs." She swerved to Jane’s blind side and was successful on her second try as she held the olive up victoriously. "They were talking about playing that new board game Brenda got for them from Santa – something about Powerpuff Girls, I think."

"She’s certainly got more stamina than *I* do," Celia sighed, propping her hands on her hips. "I think Brenda said she stood in line for two hours at Wyndom’s to get one."

A commotion from the hallway drew the women’s attention. Jax, Jonathan, and Jerry came through the doorway as one, with Jeffrey following, a broad smile on his face.

"Mine’s BIGGER!!"

"Is NOT!!"

"Is TOO!!"

"IS NOT!!!"

Just as Jane took a breath to try to act as referee, a sharp whistle sounded from the kitchen doorway. All heads turned to see Brenda standing there between Emma and Lorraine holding their hands. "OK – TIME OUT!!"

Jax’s face fell sheepishly. "Uh…….Hi, honey!!"

Brenda tipped her head to the side in mock rebuke. "Don’t you "hi, honey" ME, Jasper Jacks!" Jane and the other women snickered as Brenda crossed the room to his side. "What were you and your brothers arguing about this time?"

Jax’s chin jutted out, a perfect imitation of a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Jonathan and I were just comparing the size of our…….um……..."

Brenda’s eyes widened. "JAX!! It’s Christmas!!"

"Not to worry, love," Jane crooned. She crossed her arms and narrowed one eye as she looked at her two battling sons. "You were talking about your *scars*, weren’t you?"

"Yeah, and mine IS and always WILL BE bigger, because everyone knows that having your appendix out is *nothing* compared to a stab wound!" Jax jabbed a finger at his oldest brother’s chest proudly.

"No, MINE’S bigger!" Jonathan retorted, pulling himself up taller than Jax. "And YOU know that the doctor said I almost was on the verge of what could have been leading up to something like peritonitis!" Caroline giggled at her husband’s theatrical attempt to magnify the seriousness of his injury.

"No, MINE’S……."

"Oh, for cryin’ out loud, it’s CHRISTMAS and the turkey’s getting cold!!" John bellowed as he entered the fray. He put his hands on his hips and glared at his sons. "Now why don’t we all just sit down and eat and FORGET about this nonsense!"

Jax and Jonathan were still grumbling as they took their seats at the table. Brenda shooed Emma and Lorraine off towards the children’s table and barely took her own seat when she found Lorraine at her side again. "Aunt Brenda?" Tears welled at the corners of the toddler’s eyes. "Can I sit in your wap again to eat?"

"Ummmmm……." Brenda glanced hesitantly at the rest of the family and then smiled down at Lorraine. "Why don’t you go sit with the rest of the kids for dinner, and then you can eat dessert with me and your Uncle Jax?"

"But…..but I wike it here with you, Aunt Brenda…" Lorraine’s lower lip trembled. "And it’s wonely at the kids tabow……."

"Yessss…….." Brenda winked at Lorraine and crouched down to look her in the eye. "And I know those lonely feelings are pretty scary. But I promise I’ll be right here to keep you safe, so there’s nothing to worry about." She glanced up at Jax meaningfully as she rubbed the traces of tears that tracked down Lorraine’s cheeks. "And besides, as an official Powerpuff Girl, you can be strong and fight off those lonely feelings just until dessert, can’t you?"

Lorraine hesitated, but then nodded. "I guess so. Just tiww dessert."

Warmth and love filled the room as the Jacks family celebrated their holiday dinner together. Every now and then, Jax stole a glance at Brenda when she wasn’t looking. Ever since the shooting, every moment with her seemed more precious. Sometimes he would lay awake at night and just watch her sleep. As John droned on about past Christmases, time couldn’t go fast enough for Jax. All he wanted was to get Brenda alone so they could celebrate the holiday in a special, private way.

Jane was clearing away the last of the plates and bowls of vegetables when Lorraine slipped into the empty space next to Brenda’s chair. "Aunt Brenda? Can I sit with you now?"

Brenda’s lips thinned in a smile and then she reached out for the toddler. "Sure, sweetie. Climb on up." Lorraine chortled with glee as Brenda hoisted her into her lap. "And remember," she added, "you still can’t hug Uncle Jax too hard cause he’s got a big boo-boo on his chest."

"So then you can’t hug him either, huh?" Lorraine asked innocently.

"Oh, I’m sure Uncle Jax thinks of other ways that Aunt Brenda can show how much she loves him, Lorraine," Jerry chuckled lustily.

A ripple of laughter passed around the table as Brenda blushed bright pink. "Aunt Brenda?" Lorraine tugged on her sleeve to get her attention. "Can I ask you another question?"

Brenda grimaced. "I’m almost afraid to say yes, but go ahead, sweetie."

Lorraine glanced towards her mother and then took a deep breath. "Can I be a fwower girw for you?"

Brenda’s eyes widened as Jax was suddenly struck with a coughing fit. "A what?"

"A fwower girw…….in your wedding." Jerry patted Jax firmly on the back and passed him a glass of water as Lorraine continued glibly. "Emma says she gets to be the fwower girw cause you wike her better than me."

Brenda glanced self-consciously towards Jax. "Well, sweetie, I don’t exactly know how to answer that." She tucked some stray hair behind her ear and licked her lips. "I mean, it’s not that I like Emma *better* than you, but it’s just that there’s not going to be any wedding……cause your Uncle Jax didn’t ask me to marry him……"

"But he’s gonna give you a gageman ring for Christmas! My mommy told Aunt Weenie!" Lorraine blurted.

"Lorraine!!" Celia flushed redder than the poinsettias. "You weren’t supposed to be listening when I was talking to Aunt Leenie!" Everyone burst out laughing again and Celia quickly corrected herself. "I mean, Aunt Caroline!"

"I *wasn’t* wistening, mommy!" Lorraine protested. "*Stacy* was, and SHE told me and Emma."

Brenda was still hiding her face behind her hands when she felt Jax lean down to whisper in her ear. "Well, since the cat’s out of the bag…….." She looked up to find him digging in his jacket pocket. He pulled out a small, black velvet box that looked suspicious like it came from a jeweler. "I guess I won’t wait until later to give you my Christmas present."

"Good gravy, son!" John suddenly blustered. "Haven’t I taught you *anything*??!!" He waved a hand sternly at Jax. "You have to ASK the woman to marry you, not just give her a ring like it’s some kind of new snow blower or something."

"Snow blower?" Jasmine helped Jane pass out bowls for dessert and shook her head. "Geez, dad……..You’ll scare poor Brenda off for sure if she thinks the Jacks men consider a snow blower to be a romantic Christmas gift!"

Jax glared at his father and then took a deep breath, locking eyes with Brenda. "Brenda, would you mar……."

"He should be down on his knees." Jonathan didn’t look up but continued to stir his coffee thoughtfully, his other arm draped over the back of his dining room chair. "*Everyone* knows that you should propose to a woman on bended knee. But, I guess it takes an older brother with a BIGGER scar to point out things like that."

Caroline frowned at her husband. "You didn’t get down on *your* knees when you asked me."

"He probably couldn’t, *especially* after that *serious* surgery he had for his appendix," Jeffrey cracked.

"But he *did* propose to Caroline on bended knee!" Jasmine protested.

"How would *you* know?" Bobbie asked, leaning across the table so she could hear better.

"Jonathan told us all about it when he got home that night!" Jasmine explained. "After all, he was the oldest, and since Jussy and I were badly outnumbered by the Y chromosomes in this family, we couldn’t wait to find out if we were going to get a new sister!"

"You told them?" Caroline sniffed. "About the night you proposed to me?"

"EXCUSE ME!!!!!" Jax stood up at the table to shout above the din that was raging. When everyone at the table shared a sheepish look, he smiled triumphantly. "Now, if I could just get back to the question I was about to ask Brenda……." He pushed back his chair while clearing his throat dramatically, dropped to one knee, and then took her hand in his. "Brenda, will you do me the honor of becom……"

"Obviously he’s too *old* and decrepit to get down on *both* knees!" Jerry leaned towards Jonathan and put his hand up to hide his stage whisper.

"I don’t think there’s a rule about *both* knees." Justine placed her fingers against her lips with mock seriousness and then leaned towards her boyfriend, Derek. "Better take notes so you’ll get it right when the time comes."

"Will you ALL just stop this right now??!!" Jane set down Brenda’s Yorkshire pudding in the middle of the table with a thud. She eyed them sternly, crossing her arms across her chest. "Now I believe that Jax has something to ask Brenda, so kindly be quiet and let him do it!"

Jax took a breath but before he could speak, Jeffrey slid down in his chair and grumbled, "Ohhhhh, sure……..it figures mum would stick up for her golden boy – she always did like Jax best, anyway!!"

"YES!!!!!"

Everyone at the table sat back a little at the sudden, fierce outburst that came from Brenda. She smiled at them sweetly and then turned to Jax. "Yes, honey," she repeated, cupping his face and then letting her hand trail down to rest on his chest. "I’d LOVE to marry you."

"Are you SURE, young lady?" John asked, arching one eyebrow at her. "Because you’re not only marrying the lad, but the whole crazy LOT of us, you know!"

Brenda tipped her head to the side and smiled again wryly. "You know, about a month ago I never would have thought I’d hear myself say this, but I can’t think of *anywhere* I’d rather be than with the whole crowd of you!"

A loud chorus of cheers and whistles greeted her comment as Jax took the sparkling, brilliant cut diamond ring from the box and slipped it onto Brenda’s finger. Then he lifted Brenda and twirled her in his arms until she demanded to be put down. "I sure hope," he whispered in her ear, "that you’re willing to spend a lot of time WITHOUT the whole Jacks clan!" He winked at her seductively as she pulled away a little to look into his face. "I’ve got some *private* celebrating planned that should keep us both busy until well past New Year’s!"

Brenda’s eyes twinkled, reflecting the Christmas lights that ran along the length of the dining room buffet. "You can bet on it, Jax," she purred. "I love you!"

"Sooooo……" Brenda and Jax separated just slightly when Jerry broke through the noisy revelry. "When’s the happy event going to occur?"

"Ohhhhhh……..I don’t know. Valentine’s Day is nice," Brenda shrugged. She turned back to Jax. "It’s a romantic time of year, and it’s not too far off."

"And then, since it’s the winter," Celia chimed in, "you could go someplace warm and steamy for your honeymoon!"

"Oooooo…….like Bali, or Fiji!" Brenda exclaimed. She danced for delight, still wrapped in Jax’s arms. "Doesn’t that sound wonderful, honey?"

"Uh….yeah……" Jax looked surprisingly hesitant. "I guess a nice long cruise to one of those island places would be cool for a honeymoon."

"Ohhhh, noooo," Brenda frowned. "Those cruise things take too long. I think we should fly there so we’d have more time to just lay on the beach and soak up the sun."

"Uh……no." Jax’s chin firmed. "I don’t think that’s a good idea."

"Why not, honey?" Brenda never noticed the snicker that Jonathan and Jerry shared.

"I just………" Jax broke out of the embrace and ruffled his hair with his fingers. "I just think a cruise would be more romantic." He rubbed his chest gingerly. "And besides, all that sun might not be good for my incision."

Brenda frowned at his uncharacteristic evasiveness until Jeffrey sat up straighter and cleared his throat. "Um…..why don’t you REALLY tell Brenda why you want to take that cruise, Jax?"

Jax hemmed and hawed, staring at the floor, until Lady Jane rapped a spoon against the pudding bowl. "Oh, for heaven’s sake!" She grimaced at her other sons. "Why don’t you boys just let Jax alone? If the poor boy’s afraid to fly, it’s nothing at all to be ashamed of!!"

"Afraid to fly?" Brenda’s eyes widened as she turned to Jax again. "You’re afraid to fly?"

"Uhhhhh…….yeah," Jax grudgingly admitted. "That…….and the cockroach thing."

Brenda hesitated for about fifteen seconds but then grasped Jax by the lapels of his dark green corduroy sportcoat and pulled his lips to hers. It didn’t take much coaxing for the two of them to fall into a heated embrace, much to the delight of family and friends.

"Wook, momma!!" Lorraine’s excited shout drew everyone’s attention to the window. "It’s snowin’!!" As everyone settled in to enjoy the Yorkshire pudding and the spirit of the season, Brenda finally broke the kiss and stared deeply into her fiancé’s eyes.

"Has anyone ever told you, Lieutenant, that you’re absolutely, positively CRAZY??!!" she asked, rubbing a smudge of lipstick from the corner of his mouth.

"Only about you, Miss Barrett," Jax replied with a broad smile. "I’m only crazy about you."

Christmas Eve will find me, Where the love light gleams

Music credit: "I’ll Be Home for Christmas," music by Walter Kent, lyrics by Kim Gannon.