{Well, Jax, did you expect anything different than this to happen? Did you really expect to waltz into her life, romance her a little, ply her with expensive gifts and seductive kisses, and then have her fall into your bed without so much as a thought?}

He shook his head. Unfortunately, the answer to his question was yes. As Cassanova, Jax had never had a problem romancing women. Thinking back, Jax had never had any problems getting what he wanted in life. His parents’ wealth had given him all the opportunities he ever wanted while he was growing up. Despite his father’s hopes that he would follow him into the business, Jax found a way to combine his favorite pastime with a noble career. While in uniform, women found him almost irresistible. He never lacked for female companionship. His luck still hadn’t changed, even at the hands of terrorists. He could have been much more severely wounded than he was.

But Brenda…. She was the first thing in his life that he wanted… truly wanted…and didn’t seem to be getting. And he had told her the truth when he said he loved her. In the beginning, her letters had served as his lifeline, connecting him to a world that he feared he might never be a part of again. They got him through the intense pain, taking him to a place where it didn’t exist. But now he had a face, a fragrance, and a laugh to connect to the letters, and he had fallen for her like he never fell for any other woman in his life.

But she didn’t want him. She wanted her dead husband.

Jax shifted uncomfortably in the chair, taking a sip of the dark-colored liquid. It wasn’t like he had never had to compete with other men before for a woman’s affection. He had faced the competitors head on and welcomed the challenge, having the cocky self-assurance that he would come out the victor. And he usually did. He smiled to himself. After all, he was more handsome, richer, more suave and a better lover than all the other men in the world, wasn’t he?

But competing with a dead man isn’t easy. Louie had been a great guy – Jax found no fault with him, even in the short time that he knew him. But as a memory, he was beyond great – he was saintly. Whereas Louie may have forgotten Brenda’s birthday once, the *memory* of Louie never forgot an occasion, and always had a marching band there to play in Brenda’s honor. Where Louie may have forgotten to take out the trash occasionally, the *memory* of Louie would have cooked the dinner, served it, cleaned up the dishes, taken out the trash, and drawn a hot bath for Brenda, all in less than 2 hours.

{How does a mere mortal compete with that?}

Jax let out a long sigh. Should he just give up and accept her decision? Should he finally tell her the truth, face her wrath, and then after offering his condolences, slink off into the dark, never to be heard from again?

And then he remembered the kisses. And the way she felt in his arms. And the way she melted when he touched her.

And he knew he would never give up. He would give her space, as she requested. He would stay away from her if that was her desire. His eyes sparked as a new plan formed in his mind. He had plenty of other avenues that would occupy his time, while Brenda came to the realization that she had made a big mistake banning him from her life.

*~*~*~*

Brenda came home early one day from L&B to find Gloria and Carmine at the kitchen table with a number of brochures spread out before them. It had been about a month since Brenda had told Jax she didn’t want to see him anymore, and she was somewhat stunned that he had actually accepted her decision.

"What have you got there?" Brenda asked, reaching into the refrigerator to get a cold bottle of water.

Carmine shuffled the papers, almost knocking over his glass of iced tea in the process. "Nothin’ honey. Nothin’ at all. Did Gloria tell you that Anthony said "bye-bye paw-paw" yesterday?"

Brenda took a long drink and then looked at her father-in-law with narrowed eyes. "Yes, she did." She sat down and looked Carmine in the eye. "You know though, Pops, there’s something I just don’t understand."

"What’s that, sweetie?" he asked quietly.

Brenda smiled at him, and then set her water down to fold her hands on the table. "How you can win when you play cards and have such a lousy poker face?" Carmine swallowed hard, and Gloria began to laugh and patted him on the back.

"He’s not that good of a card player, Bren. He just has a wonderful partner to pull his fat out of the fire, right honey?" She looked at Brenda with warmth in her eyes. "We never could hide anything from you, could we, Brenda?"

Brenda shook her head. "So tell me the truth. What’s going on?" She picked up one of the brochures. "Isn’t this the information on that condo you fell in love with – the one in that Japanese subdivision? Sayonara Estates?"

Gloria giggled. "It’s called "Sakura Gardens," and yes, it is."

"So why did you bring them out again? Did something change that I should know about?"

Gloria looked at Carmine, and then back at Brenda and took her hand. "Honey, we got a notice from the city council about a week ago that they were going to re-zone the neighborhood to commercial. There was a public meeting on it last night, and Carmine went to find out what’s going on."

"Commercial?" Brenda said in surprise. "What brought that on?"

"It kind of just came out of the blue," Carmine replied. "Nobody seems to know who the developer is that wants to build here, but everyone on the block is thrilled. You know, we were all worried about the property values going down, and this will be a real shot in the arm."

Gloria put her hand on Carmine’s arm to restrain him, and looked at Brenda again. "Carmine voted against the re-zoning, but all the other residents voted for it, so the motion carried."

Now Brenda was really puzzled. "But I don’t understand. Why would he vote against it? Won’t this mean you can sell this house and buy the condo and…." She stopped as the realization dawned. "Oh, I get it. You didn’t want it to pass because then you would have to sell the house. You didn’t want Anthony and I to lose our home."

Gloria took Brenda’s hand lovingly. "Brenda, we promised Louie when he went to Arabia to take care of you two, and when he died, we promised you that you would never be alone. We don’t want to break that promise."

Brenda smiled at Gloria and she took Carmine’s hand, forming a circle at the table. "But you WON’T be leaving us, Mom. You’ll still be here in Port Charles, we just won’t be living with you." She thought back to her brave words to Jax that night after the barbecue at the Scorpio’s. "I’m an independent business woman with a good income. There’s no reason Anthony and I can’t find a little place to live on our own."

"We’ll still be here, like you said, and you know we’d still love to look after Anthony while you work," Carmine said. "We love having the little guy around, ‘ya know."

Brenda patted his hand. Her parents had died when she was so young, and she had missed having a family like this. She would miss them as much as they would miss her – maybe more. She tried to look cheerful. "So, did you have any offers for the property yet?"

Carmine pulled out one of the papers. "Actually, yes."

"And it’s a fair one?"

He chuckled to himself. "More than fair. It’s really outstanding, in fact. I think it’s from the same developer that wants to do the building here. It’s more than enough to pay for the condo, and have a little left over for some new furniture."

"Then you should take it," Brenda said firmly.

"We’ve got a year to make up our mind, though, Brenda," Gloria said warmly. "We don’t have to jump at the first thing that comes along."

Brenda rose and put her hands on her hips. "Mom, I wouldn’t be a successful businesswoman today if I didn’t realize the advantages to striking while the iron is hot. You should take this offer. You never know whether or not another one will come along, or whether it will be this good." She picked up her water bottle. "Now, I’m going upstairs to check on my son and tell him your good news." She walked cheerfully out of the kitchen, but as she went up the stairs, her shoulders began to droop a little. She would miss this house, and the warmth and love that she always felt here. And she was a little scared about being on her own with Anthony.

The next day brought a whole new set of mental images to occupy Brenda’s mind. She and Lois had to meet with the talent director of the Port Charles Country Club. One of L&B Records’ newest artists had managed to convince the Country Club to hire him for a limited engagement in the lounge, and hadn’t checked with Brenda first as to contractual obligations. Brenda decided she needed Lois along because although Brenda was the paperwork expert, Lois could read people better than anyone she knew. If the Country Club was out to get some extra free publicity from having an up-and-coming recording artist performing there, Lois would spot it immediately.

It was a miserably humid day in Port Charles, and Brenda was dying inside her dark brown business suit. The sheer ivory blouse she wore would be so much more comfortable, but in order to appear the powerful executive type, Brenda had to keep the jacket on. She and Lois were walking across the parking lot when Lois grabbed her arm.

"Brenda, look! Hunk alert at 3 o’clock!"

Brenda looked up, and sweat flew into her eyes momentarily from her bangs. She shook her head a little, and was surprised to see Jax and Ned Ashton (Lois’ Eddie Maine) crossing the parking lot themselves. They had small athletic bags in hand, and were carrying raquetball rackets in the other. Brenda hadn’t seen Jax in over a month, and the sight of him momentarily took her breath away. And it bothered her that it did.

"Lois Marie, if you embarrass me by shouting something at them, I’m going to …." Brenda started to mutter, but it was too late.

"Hey, there, guys!" Lois shouted. "Yo, handsome men! Over here!"

"…KILL YOU!" Brenda finished, as she saw Ned and Jax look up and wave back. To her mortification, they began walking over to where Lois and Brenda stood. "If you say anything at all to them of a suggestive nature, Lois Marie, I will disown you forever!"

Lois smiled at them and waved again, but muttered in a low voice out of the side of her mouth, "And if you act like a complete turkey in front of them, I will disown YOU forever, Brenda Veronica!"

At that point, Ned and Jax were within earshot, and Brenda hoped they couldn’t see the blush that she felt beginning to rise to her cheeks. "Hey, girls," Ned said jovially, "did you come here to scout the talent in the 70+ age range?" Jax smiled at Ned’s joke, but he was too busy drinking in the sight of Brenda to pay much attention. She looked entire delectable in a chocolate-colored business suit, and he suspected that the ruffled collar of the sheer blouse belonged to some light, frothy confection that did more to reveal than it did to conceal. Her brown leather high-heeled shoes made her legs look shapely, and he began to fantasize about trailing kisses up the backs of those legs and well-muscled thighs. He shook his head briefly to try to banish the thoughts, not knowing that Brenda was having some pretty erotic thoughts herself.

"Nah," Lois had answered, giving Ned a quick kiss on the lips. "We’ve got a problem with that new singer we signed. He might be wanting to double-time us with a lounge contract here. Bren and I have an appointment with the talent coordinator, don’t we Brenda?" Lois waited for an answer, and then had to tactfully poke Brenda in the ribs when no answer came. "DON’T WE, BRENDA?!!"

"Hmm? Oh, uh, yes, a meeting. We’ve got a meeting," she answered inanely. "I take it you two guys challenged each other to some macho raquetball duel or something."

"Something like that," Jax laughed. "I haven’t played in ages, and it showed. It’s a good thing I didn’t bet the farm on the game today, because Ashton here whipped my butt!"

{And what a butt it is!!} Brenda had to look down quickly, trying to hide the blush that she knew was coloring her cheeks. She hadn’t seen Jax for a month, and now why did she have to run into him here? Why couldn’t it have been somewhere downtown, where he was wearing a buttoned-up business suit or in a pouring rainstorm where he was hiding beneath an umbrella and raincoat?

Instead, he was wearing navy athletic shorts, and he had on some kind of gauzy tan over-shirt. Apparently they both had worked out a lot of their testosterone in the match, because both men looked winded and were perspiring freely. That caused the big problem. Between their over-heated state and the humid weather, Jax had left his shirt open, and his naked chest was only 2 feet from her. The sides of the shirt were pushed well back onto his shoulders, so that she could see almost all of his chest wall, and could even see that the athletic shorts rode dangerously low on his hips.

Brenda distantly heard Ned telling Lois about the details of the match, bragging about the super-human shots he made, and Jax interrupting him to correct certain details. But her concentration was on Jax’s chest. She had never seen it before, and had only guessed at how well muscled it was. She had no idea the man had such a gorgeous body. She slowly raised her gaze, only to see a bead of sweat form at the bottom of his left breast, hanging there, waiting to fall into the mat of his chest hair. Her mouth became dry. It fell, and she followed its path down over every rib, drawn by gravity towards the waistband of the shorts. She followed its progress even lower, and saw it begin to flow on an angle toward the center of his body, eventually making its way into his exposed navel. It rimmed that indentation, and hung for a split-second before succumbing to gravity again. It continued to flow down his body, only to disappear behind the waistband of his shorts. As her gaze threatened to drop even lower, Lois’s voice suddenly brought her back to reality.

"And we’d love to come and see your house when it’s finished, Jax. Wouldn’t we, Brenda?" Lois had to poke Brenda again, and when she did, Brenda jumped a mile. "WOULDN’T WE BRENDA?!!"

"I’m sorry. Anthony’s teething and I didn’t get much sleep last night. What did you say?" Brenda lied.

Lois smiled, because she knew that Anthony had slept like a log the night before from her mother. "I said, we would love to come out and see Jax’s house when it’s finished, wouldn’t we?"

Brenda smiled, and wiped the perspiration from her own forehead. "Yes, fine. Come see the house. It’s a deal. Now can we get going, Lois? I’m going to turn into a giant sweat bead in this humidity and I won’t look very professional when we have our meeting. It’s been nice seeing you again, Ned." She looked Jax in the eye. "Jax."

"Brenda." He said it in a cool, smiling voice. He suspected that she was having some warm thoughts of her own, and it pleased him immensely.

As the two pairs walked their own ways, Brenda tried to collect herself for the meeting. {I will not think about the man. I won’t think about his glorious pecs or amazing abs or fantastic body. I’m not at all interested.}

But that night, in her dreams, she saw the drop of sweat form again, and this time, her subconscious followed it past his waistband. She woke suddenly drenched in sweat, and couldn’t go back to sleep for a long time.

*~*~*~*

About a week later, Carly buzzed Brenda on the intercom. "Mr. Jacks on line 2 for you, Brenda."

Brenda stared at the phone. He had stayed true to his word, and hadn’t called or shown up ever since their argument. Even after running into him in the parking lot, he hadn’t called her. He had respected her wishes. {So then there’s no reason why I shouldn’t take his call. He wouldn’t go back on his word now.} She picked it up, praying that she was doing the right thing.

"Hi, Brenda. It’s Jax. I finished the house."

"Hi, Jax. Good. I’m sure you’re glad to have the construction finished. You must have had those carpenters working on a lot of Sundays to have it finished this quickly. Was this some kind of race?"

"I had my reasons," he said cryptically. "But I think it was worth the cost. In fact, why don’t you come out and see for yourself? You did say you would come and see the finished product the other day."

Brenda thought a very un-ladylike thought about Lois. Why did she have to go and open her big mouth? "Oh, Jax, I’m pretty busy right now. I’m not sure I could get away."

"I would really appreciate it if you would come see it, Brenda. All that’s left is the décor, and I would like to get your opinion on some of the colors and stuff."

{Colors and stuff.} "Oh, Jax… I’m no interior decorator," she hedged.

She heard Jax chuckle. "No, I know you’re not a decorator. But I know you have good taste and you fill the most important requirement – you’re a woman. Women always know better than men about drapes and carpet and stuff." He paused momentarily. "And you ARE a woman, aren’t you?"

{Oh, yeah. I’m a woman alright. Otherwise I wouldn’t have had that doozy of a dream the other night about you. Otherwise your kisses wouldn’t be bothering me so much, haunting me everyday. Otherwise I wouldn’t feel so warm right now, just hearing your voice, thinking about certain parts of my body and what I wish you would do to them…}

"Well… I guess I could come by just for a quick peek. I did help Gloria re-do her bedroom last year, and she’s pretty pleased with the color scheme I came up with. But Carly’s leaving early today for a dentist appointment and I have to cover for her since Lois will be tied up in the studio until well past 5."

Jax sighed and thought for a moment. "OK, that’s still not a problem. I’ve got a late teleconference with Hong Kong, so I can pick you up around 6. How’s that?"

She twirled the phone cord, hoping that she was doing the right thing and not encouraging some romantic hopes of his again. "Sounds good. I’ll see you then."

True to his word, and respecting her fondness for punctuality, he arrived at the door to L&B at 6PM. He had taken off his dove gray suit jacket, and had it slung over his shoulder, much the same as the first Saturday they met at the mall. He had on a slate blue dress shirt, and she didn’t even let her glance stray downwards at his trousers. She knew the designer suit would fit like a glove.

"Hi, am I too early?" he asked with a boyish smile.

"Not a bit," she answered coolly, although she was quaking on the inside. She buzzed Lois in the studio to let her know she was leaving and shutting down the phones, and then grabbed her purse to go. She was secretly glad that Lois was tied up with the session, so she wouldn’t be able to come out and make some suggestive remarks about them leaving together.

He had brought the Jag again, and after helping her get in, he deftly maneuvered it through rush-hour Port Charles traffic. The volume of cars seemed to thin out as they headed beyond the city limits. "I guess that’s one of the reasons you built out here – to escape the noise and pollution of the traffic," she smiled.

"Among other things," he answered mysteriously. {Like because I know you love the trees, and being close to nature, and listening to it rain without the blare of horns and the reflection of headlights in your bedroom window.}

They finally arrived at the house, and Brenda was amazed at the progress that had been made in just 6 weeks. She got out of the car on her own, she was so bedazzled by it.

"Jax, it’s absolutely beautiful!" she sighed, as she followed the paved walkway that had been lined with Bradford pear trees. "These will look gorgeous when the fall comes!"

{I know. You love the changing leaves in the fall and watching nature turn from one season to the next. You said so in your letters.} "Really? I just kind of went with what the landscaper suggested," he lied.

He unlocked the front door, and her mouth never closed. He led her from room to room, and she continued to gush over the amount of windows in the house and it’s feeling of bringing the outside in. He took her up to the bathroom she had helped design.

She looked upward. "The skylight! They were able to do it!" She loved the soothing earth tones in the bathroom, and how they blended into the rich green of the trees that was visible through the skylight.

He finally led her to the back yard, and she had to put her hands over her mouth to stifle the gasp. A wooden walkway led down to the creek, where there was an old-fashioned mini-covered bridge. Off to the right, an area had been cleared and a hot tub and sauna were visible in dark wooden beams. The entire area had been planted with thousands of flowers, apparently professionally landscaped. They provided a perfect backdrop to the natural beauty of the yard.

"Oh, Jax, this will be heaven! Just imagine coming out here to take a leisurely sauna after a bad day at the office!" She turned to him, but then saw him looking at her with undisguised longing. "I’m sure you won’t have any problems selling this house. It doesn’t need any decorating at all. Just let the new owner pick the colors and such." She tried to walk back in, but he caught her arm and pulled her over to a bench.

"Brenda, I’ve done as you asked. I’ve stayed away from you. And I’ve been so miserable the past month, I thought it was almost worse than when I had my accident."

She looked down at her hands, since she couldn’t take the intensity of his eyes. "Jax, please don’t…"

He tipped her chin up to face him. "Brenda, I’ve told you how I feel."

"I know. You said you love me. But Jax, I can’t…."

Jax stopped her. "I know, Brenda, and it’s all right. I know that it’s probably too soon for you to love me, too."

"No, Jax, that’s not what I meant." She took a deep breath. "I am attracted to you, but I think it’s just a physical attraction. And I don’t think I can have a relationship based just on sex, Jax. That’s not me. I’m not the type to have an affair."

He stroked her face with the tips of his first two fingers, and it set off sparks for both of them. "I know that too, Brenda. That’s why I’m not asking you to have an affair with me." He took her hands in his and looked at her with eyes the color of a summer sky. "I’m asking you to marry me, Brenda. Will you marry me, and you and Anthony come live in this house with me?"

To be continued….