After a while, though, her muscles began to protest at the lack of a soft mattress and pillow and she carefully eased herself out of his embrace. She grabbed her shirt and shorts and tiptoed up to the nursery to check on Anthony. He was still fast asleep and didn’t appear to be anywhere near waking up.

She went to the master bedroom and found her favorite terry cloth robe. After shedding her shirt and shorts, she put the robe on, went down to the hot tub and climbed in after dispensing with the robe. The water soothed the muscles that were aching from sleeping on the floor. It also soothed muscles that were aching from a far more pleasant stimulation.

She smiled once again and thought back to the pleasures of the night before. She stopped for a moment, feeling a familiar pain of guilt for betraying Louie, but then she felt a sense of peace. {You wanted Jax, Brenda. It doesn’t diminish the love you felt for Louie, and the love you always will feel for him as the father of your child. But you have a new husband now -- a virile, handsome, sexy, caring, considerate husband – and you wanted him just as much as he’s been wanting you ever since he married you.}

She closed her eyes and leaned back against the side of the hot tub again, but stirred when she heard a noise. She rose slightly, but then relaxed when she saw Jax coming towards her. {I’m surprised he can even walk, after he drank all of those beers yesterday.} He had on his dark blue velour bathrobe tied loosely at the waist, and his hair looked like he had only run his fingers through it moments before.

He walked up to the edge of the hot tub and gave her a half-smile, almost as though he were testing the waters. "Good morning," Brenda finally said softly. "You were still sleeping when I left you and I didn’t have the heart to wake you." He nodded, but was still strangely silent. She smiled. "Can’t stand to hear the sound of your own voice? I wouldn’t be surprised if you had a headache the size of the Outback this morning."

He finally smiled at her and then sat down on the edge of the hot tub. "I guess I did have quite a few beers yesterday, didn’t I?" His face grew serious. "That’s not something I usually do, and it’s put me in quite an awkward situation this morning."

Brenda laughed a little. "What – don’t you know how to cure a hangover?"

Jax stared at her, choosing his words carefully. "No, love." He took a deep breath. "I’m a man who likes to be in control of a situation – either in business or in my personal life. And by drinking that much yesterday, I lost control of my personal life." He lowered his eyes. "And it bothers me immensely that I can’t remember exactly what happened when we got home last night."

Brenda’s eyes widened. "You can’t remember it -- at all?"

Jax still couldn’t look her in the eye. "Well…I remember that I either had the most erotic dream of my life since I was a teenager," he finally raised his eyes to look at her, "or I had the most amazing experience of my life making love to you."

Her eyes started to well with tears at his tenderness, and he immediately thought the worst. "Oh, God, Brenda, I’m so sorry. I NEVER would have forced you to do anything you didn’t want if I hadn’t…."

She reached out with her hand to stop him when she realized that he thought he had taken her against her will. "Oh Jax, no, don’t. It wasn’t like that at all. Don’t blame yourself for things that didn’t happen."

He looked at her with eyes the color of a cornflower. "I didn’t force you? Or hurt you?" He put his face in his hands. "God, I must have been so stupid to try to make love to you when I was drunk as a skunk."

She floated over to where he sat and took his hands in hers, making him look into her warm brown eyes. "Jax, you weren’t any of those things last night. You were tender, and caring, and passionate," he caught his breath at the expression in her eyes, "and I WANTED you to make love to me."

"You did?" he asked quietly, almost afraid that if she said it out loud this dream might break like a delicate bubble.

She smiled at him with desire in her eyes. "Almost as much as I want you to make love to me now." She floated back to the place in the tub where she had begun, and then batted her eyes at him. "Oh, honey, I can’t reach the towel and I’m starting to turn into a prune in here. Would you hand it to me?"

He rose slowly and picked up her towel, holding it up so that she could step out of the hot tub. She rose from the water proudly, her breasts standing at attention in the crisp morning air. She moved into his arms so that he could wrap the towel around her, and she felt him inhale quickly at the feel of her body against his. He leaned down to nibble on the side of her neck, and she arched her head to the side to give him easier access. His hands were both at her back holding the ends of the towel, and she reached one hand around to take the ends from him, freeing his hands rest gently on her shoulders.

Still holding the towel with her right hand, she reached out with her left hand to undo the belt of his robe, allowing it to fall open to reveal his splendid naked body. She glanced down at him once, and then raising her eyes to lock with his, she suddenly let go of the ends of the towel, allowing it to drop to the ground. Her eyes sparkled and the corners of her mouth turned up into a devilish grin. "Oops!" was all she said before he pulled her into his embrace and leaned down to kiss her deeply.

Jax pulled her into his arms so that they were skin to skin and he groaned into her mouth. Feeling her body begin to chill in the morning air, he released his hands from her body for a moment to wrap the two sides of his robe around her, enfolding her with warmth. His kiss was making her world tilt on its axis, and she finally pulled away with a purring sound and lay her head on his chest. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. "Mmm…I love the way you smell….and feel, Mr. Jacks."

He tipped her face up to his and her eyes were soft and liquid when they looked into his. "I feel the same way about you, Mrs. Jacks," he said softly. "Would you like to explore these feelings in depth with me?" he whispered, and rocked his hips against hers. She felt his arousal against her and she moaned softly and then threaded her fingers up into his hair and kissed him again. As the kiss deepened, he lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist.

Jax finally broke the kiss, breathing hard. "Brenda, I want you so much I think I’m going to die." As he moved to descend back into the hot tub, she quickly pulled away from him.

"Jax! What about Anthony? What if he wakes up and we’re out here?"

Jax traced her cheek with his finger and sighed. "You’re right." He began walking slowly back to the house, her legs still wrapped around his waist. She began to giggle softly at the picture they made. "Shhh, don’t do that when I’m thinking," he said seriously. He walked back into the kitchen and sat her on the counter next to the phone, giving her one more long kiss.

"What are you doing?" Brenda finally asked when he began to kiss the side of her neck and dial the phone at the same time.

"Calling the office," he answered in a low voice. "I’m going to call Ad…" he looked at her fierce scowl and then they both laughed, "…my assistant and see if she can come out here and pick Anthony up and take him to day care today. Then, you are going to call Lois and tell her that you came down with some kind of flu bug."

Brenda listened as Jax spoke briefly to make the arrangements. After he hung up and she was nibbling on his other ear, she giggled. "And why are you sending Anthony to day care with that woman today? And why am I suddenly ill?"

She gasped as he lifted her off the counter again. "Because, Mrs. Jacks – I want to spend the entire day in bed making love to my wife." He pulled her against him and gave her another bone-melting kiss.

"Ohhhh, Mr. Jacks," she moaned as they went to the bedroom, "I do love the way your mind works."

*~*~*~*

Much later, Brenda lay in Jax’s arms in their bedroom, giggling softly and tracing little circles on his chest. "Now, Mrs. Jacks," he said seriously, "this is an important test. You need to give me your complete attention."

She giggled again and slapped away his roving hand. "I thought that’s what I had been doing for the past three hours!"

"Well," he drawled, "this is your mid-term exam, and I need to see if you’ve been paying attention in class." He cleared his throat dramatically. "Now, I’m going to tell you three terms, and you need to tell me which one doesn’t belong."

She laughed as he took her roving hand out from under the sheets and placed it on his chest again. "Did I tell you I was never any good at tests?"

He smiled wickedly. "I think you’ll do fine on this one. Now, which of these terms doesn’t belong --- egg, drum, and …" He leaned down and whispered the third in her ear, causing her to gasp.

"Ummmm…" she giggled as his hand began roving again, "Maybe ….drum?"

Jax looked at her in mock disappointment. "Oh, my dear, no. The correct answer is the third term. You see, you can beat an egg, and you can beat a drum, but you can’t beat …." He leaned down and whispered to her again.

Her eyes grew wide as his roving hand touched her favorite spot and his words inflamed her. "Really?" she asked breathlessly.

"Would you like a demonstration?" he returned with a sly grin, and then pulled the sheet over them both and showed her.

The man looked briefly through the stack of mail before he dropped it into the mailbox. Gas bill, phone bill, change of address for his magazines, and an envelope addressed to the United States Air Force. He placed all of them into the mailbox and walked away humming. It certainly made you feel good to do a good deed.

*~*~*~*

Brenda tried to juggle her purse and briefcase while she grabbed the mail out of the mailbox. She finally made it in the back door of the house, and looked around curiously when she was greeted with deafening quiet. She placed the mail on the kitchen counter, and then went into the living room and bedrooms.

Shaking her head in confusion, she finally saw the note tacked to the refrigerator. "Brenda – I took Anthony to the toy store to look at the model planes. We’ll be back shortly. Love, Jax."

She smiled to herself. The past few days had been heaven. Even Lois had commented at work that Jax must have been doing something to make Brenda’s eyes "roll back in her head" because she had been in such a good mood. Brenda’s face reddened as she remembered the shower they had taken just this morning. Jax was such a tender and considerate lover – Brenda couldn’t remember ever being happier.

She shook her head to clear it of the thoughts of Jax and her in the shower, and went back to the counter to glance through the mail. Bills, magazines, a postcard from the Cerullo’s at Mount Rushmore – she smiled at that one as she read Gloria’s message. Finally, her heart came up in her throat when she saw an envelope with a return address of the U.S. Air Force. {Brenda, don’t be silly. Just because news from the Air Force destroyed your life before doesn’t mean it’s going to happen again.}

She quickly tore open the envelope and found another envelope inside addressed simply to Mrs. Louie Cerullo, with the words "Please forward" scrawled across the front. Frowning, she opened the envelope and a photograph fell out on the counter, face down. She took out the letter and read it. It was from someone who said he had been stationed with Louie at Dhofar and expressed his sympathies at her loss. Then it said that the sender had found a picture of Louie and him and thought she might like to have it. She smiled at the sender’s thoughtfulness.

She tenderly picked up the picture and was struck to see Louie’s smiling face again. She traced it with her finger, sighing deeply. She looked back at the letter, and then noticed that the sender had written names on the picture, identifying Louie and himself. Then she noticed the name "Cassanova" captioned beneath the third man in the photo. She frowned again, and then brought it closer to her eyes. He looked familiar. He had shorter hair, but she would recognize those blue eyes and cleft in his chin anywhere. She caught her breath and dropped the picture to the counter as she realized that she had just traced that cleft with her tongue and kissed it this morning in the shower.

She was married to the third man in the picture. She was married to Cassanova.

Brenda’s world began to spin and she grabbed for a kitchen chair to sit down before she collapsed. Anger, confusion, hurt, and despair all swirled in her mind. She stuffed her fist in her mouth to prevent herself from screaming out loud, and just then she heard Jax’s car in the driveway. {There must be a logical explanation. He’ll walk in here and look at the photo and laugh and explain that it’s all some case of confused identities.} She took a deep breath trying to calm herself, and then looked at his smirking blue eyes in the picture and felt her stomach begin to churn again.

Jax burst through the back door with Anthony in his arms at that moment. "I know, I know, it’s not Christmas yet, but we saw this GREAT airplane that would be so cool with the one from Grandpa and Grandma…." Jax never finished the sentence as she saw Brenda’s pale face. "Brenda, what’s wrong?" he said immediately. He set Anthony down on the floor with his new toy plane and came over to sit with her at the table. "Is it the Cerullo’s? Did something happen?"

Brenda merely pushed the picture over to him. "You know, I think I have to disagree with your mother. Your hair looks much better now that it’s grown out than it did when it was short. You must have hated every minute of that regulation hair cut."

Jax looked down at the picture and swore softly under his breath. "Where did you get this picture?" he whispered as she closed her eyes and tears squeezed out. She raised her hand to stop him.

"Wrong answer, Jax," she said sarcastically. "You were supposed to say, "Wow! That guy sure looks like me!" or "What – you think that this guy is me?" Obviously, you always have taken a good picture, Cassanova." She said the name bitterly.

"Brenda, I was going to tell you…" Jax began, but she stopped him again and came to stand inches from him.

"When?" she said in a venomous low voice. "When we celebrated our 1^st anniversary? Or maybe our 5^th? Or maybe as a special present for me when I had our first child together?" She walked away from him with her arms folded across her chest.

"Brenda," he said carefully, "I honestly intended to tell you everything." He stared down at his folded hands on the table. "There was just never a good time to tell you the whole story."

She turned around to him, and briefly let her glance stray to where Anthony played on the floor. He was happily spinning the rotor of his new airplane and looked up at her with that toothy grin that she loved. She smiled at him, and then looked back at Jax. {Correction, at Cassanova.} "Well," she said with a cold stare, "there’s no time like the present. I take it you planned this whole thing from the beginning – even the way we met."

"Not the actual event, but yes, I did follow you to the mall that day. I had found out that you and Anthony lived here in Port Charles and since I was going into the family business, I opened the new office here deliberately to be near you." Jax took a deep breath. "But the story starts further back than that." He looked at her with pain in his eyes. "Exactly how much did the Air Force tell you about the bombing and how Louie died?"

"Not very much. They just said that a fundamentalist religious group had exploded a car bomb near the living quarters." She paused. "What are you getting at, Jax? Are you a closet member of the radical religious right wing?"

"Brenda," he said slowly, "just try to hear me out. Louie and I were close when we were overseas. You already know that. Louie took care of me on more occasions than I can remember when I went out and blew off the weekend pass in a bar." His voice grew very quiet. "The night of the bombing, I came back drunk as usual, and Louie was helping me – but he couldn’t get me into my own bunk because I was too drunk." He dropped his head and couldn’t meet her gaze. "He let me sleep in his bunk that night because it was easier. We traded beds." He looked up at her as the realization dawned in her eyes and she began to breathe heavily.

"You mean…" she stammered, "…oh, God, no!….you would have been killed and Louie would have survived if he had been sleeping in his own bed?" She wove a little on her feet and Jax jumped up to go to her. But she held up her hand and just gripped the counter for support. She took a deep breath. "Go on," she said blankly.

"All I remember is going to sleep in Louie’s bed and then waking up in a military hospital in Germany. A wall had collapsed on me and every bone on the left side of my body was broken," he continued. "I had so many surgeries I lost count, and finally after a lot of physical therapy, I was able to get back into the real world. I hired some private detectives who found you here in Port Charles. I decided to go into the family business and then…I found you that day at the mall with Anthony."

Brenda walked slowly to the table and gave Jax a glare. "Well, Mr. Jacks, I would say that certainly carried the practice of extending condolences far beyond what most people think is necessary. I mean, marrying the poor little widow – what a sacrifice for an international playboy like Cassanova!" She spat the last word with contempt.

"I did NOT marry you out of sacrifice or guilt, Brenda!" Jax shot back. "I married you because I love you!"

Brenda eyes shot fire. "Don’t you DARE throw that word at me! You don’t even KNOW the meaning of the word! Louie used to write to me that you LAUGHED at the concept of love!"

Jax’s face fell at the mention of the word "write." Suddenly they both heard Anthony’s quiet whimper. Brenda looked down at Anthony and saw his lower lip quivering. Apparently he had picked up on the negative atmosphere in the kitchen and it was upsetting him.

Brenda went to him immediately. "Oh, my poor baby, don’t be afraid." She scooped him up into her arms. "Do you want to go play in your room for a while? Why don’t I take you there so you can look at the pretty airplanes?" She went to leave the room and gave Jax a dirty look as she left.

He stood in the kitchen for a moment, running his hand through his hair. {Well, old boy, it’s not like you didn’t expect it to happen someday. Mum warned you. Dad warned you. But you wouldn’t listen.} He looked at the door Brenda had gone through. {Well, might as well find her and tell her the whole story. She can’t be any more upset than she already is.}

Jax went through the quiet house and finally found Brenda sitting on the bed in the master bedroom crying softly. The tears cut his heart like a knife. "Brenda, please…" he started and touched her shoulder, but she immediately jerked away from his touch and stared hatefully at him.

"Don’t you touch me, you lying son of a …." Brenda caught herself and took a deep breath. "Sorry," she said sarcastically. "I shouldn’t be insulting your mother like that. She is a decent woman and doesn’t deserve to be brought into the middle of this."

Jax stared at the floor. "Well, as long as you already hate me, you should know that there’s more."

Brenda looked up slowly and laughed. "More? Gee, and I thought I was having so much fun already! Please, go on." She smiled and it dripped venom.

Jax took a deep breath again. "After I had been in the hospital in Germany for a while, the Air Force shipped me all of the things they were able to salvage from the bombed out building. I had always had a metal box for my poker winnings," he saw Brenda cringe, "and I forgot that Louie had given me something to store inside. Something he treasured and didn’t want anything to happen to." Brenda looked confused, and finally Jax continued. "Your letters."

Her eyes widened after a short pause. "My letters? The love letters I wrote to Louie? You have them?"

Jax looked her in the eye and prayed for courage. "I read them."

Brenda gasped again and formed her words slowly. "You read the love letters I wrote to my husband?"

Jax’s words tumbled out in a rush to explain. "Please try to understand, Brenda. I was in a hospital and I didn’t know if I would live through the next 10 minutes, much less the rest of the day. I had lost contact with all of the outside world. I felt like I had nothing to live for anymore." Brenda turned away from him and Jax sat beside her on the bed. "Until I read your letters. Brenda, they gave me something to live for. They made me feel like there was something – no, someone – out there who made it worth all of the hell I had to go through to go on living. I had to get better just for the chance to meet you in person. I had to live so I could meet the woman who wrote those beautiful things."

Brenda got up slowly. "Now it all makes sense," she said as though only to herself. "You always seemed to be able to read my mind, but it was because you had read the letters." She turned to him with tears in her eyes. "How could you do it – trick me into all of this by using the information in those letters against me?"

"How did I use it AGAINST you? I only used it to grant your heart’s desire? I only used it to make life everything you always had dreamed it would be," Jax implored.

"You lied to me, you manipulated me, you violated me," Brenda began to hiss, and then she stopped short. "Wait a minute – you even manipulated my parents, didn’t you?" She saw the guilt in his eyes and she jumped on it. "You DID, didn’t you? YOU were the mysterious developer that paid them such a good price for their house, weren’t you? I had told you about their dreams and the roadblock the house posed, so you just snapped your fingers and made it all happen with that huge checkbook of yours, didn’t you?"

Jax cringed and lowered his head. "Yes," was all he answered in a quiet voice.

Brenda wrapped her arms around her waist and her shoulders heaved. "Well, Mr. Jacks, you’ve really outdone yourself. You REALLY pulled off quite a takeover this time. You’ve pulled every nasty, deceitful, underhanded trick in the book.

"Brenda, I SWEAR that I never meant to hurt you!" Jax pleaded, but she didn’t hear him. Brenda had already gone to the closet and pulled out her suitcase.

"Well, you did," she said quietly. She stopped and put her hands on her hips. "You tricked me into marrying the man I probably hated most in the world, and that was after you were single-handedly responsible for destroying the one man I loved most in the world. But of course, I guess you couldn’t go on with your playboy routine after the accident. Those scars must have been quite a drawback to attracting women until this lonely, sex-starved widow came along, weren’t they?"

Jax cringed at her hurtful words, but realized that she probably was only operating out of pain. "What are you doing?" he asked softly as she began to throw some clothes into the suitcase.

"I don’t think I can stand to be under the same roof with you tonight, dear husband," she said coldly. "I’m going to spend the night with Lois and I’ll be taking Anthony with me." She stopped to stare at him and closed the suitcase. "So, I guess this will work out well. You probably were getting tired of me by now anyway. You can just call your latest floozy and have her come over here rather than meet her at some cheap motel."

She spun on her heel and turned back to him in the doorway. "Oh, my mistake. It probably wouldn’t be a CHEAP hotel since you don’t do anything any other way than top of the line, do you Cassanova? Well, have a good night," she spat, and slammed the door.

Jax listened to her go into Anthony’s room, and then a little later he heard the door open again and shortly after that, the front door slammed hard. He put his head in his hands, and gave in and did something he hadn’t done, even when he woke up in the hospital in Germany. He let his body give way to sobs, and slid slowly to the floor.

To be continued….