"Jax," she said in a breaking voice, "please don’t go. Please let me explain." Tears began to grow in the corners of her eyes, and when he turned back to her and she saw the anger in his, they began to run down her cheeks in earnest.

"Explain?" he said in a clipped voice. "Explain what, Mrs. Jacks? Are you going to explain that you keep some kind of twisted "shrine" in here to your dead husband that you feel the need to visit every night after I go to my separate bedroom?" His words were cold and cut her like a knife.

Then he leaned over and gripped her upper arm as he brought his face down to within inches of hers. "Or maybe you’re going to explain that you finally realized that your body had needs and you wanted them satisfied." He practically hissed at her. "You decided that although I wasn’t good enough to LOVE, I WAS good enough to provide you with a stud service to relieve the ache of celibacy." His eyes were blazing with anger now, but she barely saw them as the tears flowed freely from her eyes.

"Jax, no," she finally managed to get in, "it wasn’t like that at all!"

He sat back up. "Well, then, maybe you can explain it to me." He quickly rose from the bed and put on his bathrobe, looking over at Anthony who was still playing blissfully on the floor. He went over to pick Anthony up and looked down at her in the bed. "Yeah, maybe you can explain it to me on the cold day in h*ll when I foolishly decide to share your bed again." He carried Anthony to the door of the bedroom and turned back to look at her once more. "I hope you’re happy living with a ghost, my dear. I hope he makes you happy, because I certainly don’t seem to be able to."

He looked at Anthony and his eyes immediately softened. "Come on, tiger. Let’s go see if Grandma and Grandpa are up yet and make some breakfast." He slammed the bedroom door behind him, and Brenda’s calm finally shattered as she let herself give in to gut-wrenching sobs.

*~*~*~*

The rest of the visit from Jax’s parents went by in a haze for Brenda. After making her face presentable, she joined them at the breakfast table and tried to make pleasant small talk. Jane Jacks watched the interplay between her son and her new daughter-in-law and immediately knew that something was wrong.

After they finished eating, Jane decided to take matters into her own hands. "Jax, dear, I haven’t had a moment alone with you since we got to town. If Brenda will excuse me from helping with the dishes, why don’t you take me out to see that magnificent garden in the back yard?" She looked at Brenda for approval, and Brenda immediately shook her head in the affirmative. She really didn’t feel like chatting with her mother-in-law this morning, anyway. "And that way, John can spend some time alone with Anthony playing with the airplane."

This pleased John immensely, and he quickly scooped the toddler up in his arms. "Come on, tiger, he said in a gruff voice, "let’s go into your room and you can show me all of your other toys." Brenda began clearing the dishes and Jane looped her arm through her son’s and steered him out the patio doors towards the garden.

Once they had gotten well away from the house, he broke the silence. "Ok, mum, what gives? You never could tell the difference between a rose and a begonia anyway, so why the sudden interest in the garden?"

She sat down on the bench in the garden and motioned for Jax to do the same. "Your father told me the whole story last night – about you and Brenda and how you met her." Jax raked his fingers through his hair and looked away. "The tension at that breakfast table this morning was thicker than the oatmeal. Did you tell her everything?"

Jax sighed. "No, mum, I didn’t. And frankly, I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to tell her." He looked at her with the hint of tears in his eyes. "How can I ever hope for her to find a place in her heart for me when it’s still full of him?"

She put her arm around him. "Son, I wish I could take your pain away. But this isn’t an easy situation." She chose her words carefully. "It’s not that someday you will replace her first husband in her heart. He will always hold a rightful place there as her first love. Nobody ever forgets their first love, particularly when they get taken away so cruelly as hers was." She brought her hand up to stroke Jax’s hair like he was six years old again. "You can’t expect her to just forget her first husband and pack away the memories of him like some old shoes that don’t fit anymore. She just needs time, to make a place there in her heart for you, too." She turned his face to hers. "And I think she’s getting there, my boy. You can see it just to look in her eyes. She’s in love with you – she just isn’t ready to admit it to herself yet. She just has to realize that loving you doesn’t mean she loved her first husband any less."

Jax shook his head and patted his mother’s hand. "I know, mum. And I have to be patient."

Jane turned her son’s face to hers. "But you have to be HONEST, too, Jax. When she finds out about your past and how you’ve manipulated her, it’s going to rock the foundations of her world. The sooner she finds out, the sooner she can get her world on solid ground, and that’s you."

Jax nodded and sighed. He chuckled a little. "Does dad realize how smart you are and how lucky he is to have you?"

Jane laughed a throaty laugh. "Of course he does, my dear. I tell him that every morning and make him repeat it to me every night. That’s the secret to a successful marriage – reinforcement and repetition." They both laughed and then Jax finished the tour of the back yard, his mother’s arm linked through his.

#####

After Jax’s parents departed with many promises to return for a longer visit, the days settled into an uncomfortable routine. Jax continued to be the perfect father to Anthony, spending time with him, being patient and loving, and giving him the perfect male role model that was missing from his life. On the other hand, his attitude toward Brenda had changed, and she sensed it immediately.

He wasn’t cruel or distant, but he no longer was the playfully passionate husband that surprised her the morning after their disastrous wedding night. Gone were the touches that seemed to bother her so much at first. Gone were the bone-melting kisses that always invited her deeper. In public, he was still the doting, happy newlywed husband. But in private, he was less physical with her, and Brenda had to admit she missed it.

At first, Brenda had found his touch unnerving. But now, she had come to look forward to his kiss good morning, or the way he rubbed her shoulders after she had a bad day at work. He no longer would parade proudly through the master bedroom in his boxers, giving her a chance to admire his broad chest. All of which confused her to no end.

{Isn’t this what you wanted? A platonic marriage that would provide the best for Anthony? So then, why are you so angry that you’ve finally got it?}

Her mind whirled with regrets and questions. Finally, one day in late August, the phone rang while she was fixing dinner and Jax was playing with Anthony nearby on the floor.

Brenda answered it and then covered the receiver after a brief conversation. "It’s Lois," she explained to Jax. "She says Eddie just called her and Mr. Quartermaine is having his annual Labor Day picnic at the big house. He invited Lois to come and bring some of her friends, so she wants to know if we want to come, too?"

Jax’s face was a blank. "What about Anthony?"

"It’s a family thing and he’s invited," Brenda explained. "Some of the Quartermaine grandchildren are going to be there, and Lois is going to call Mac and Felicia Scorpio, too, and invite them to bring their kids. Eddie hit it off with them at our wedding and he specifically told her to call them." She twirled the phone cord nervously. "What do you want to do?"

Jax sent a toy car whizzing across the kitchen floor to Anthony’s delight. "It doesn’t matter to me. Whatever," he said in a monotone.

Brenda’s nerves sizzled. She put on a smile that had nothing to do with Lois being on the other end but rattled Jax immensely. "We’ll be there, Lois. Jax is excited about coming. Can I bring anything for the picnic?"

*~*~*~*

Labor Day in Port Charles was unusually hot and humid. Although September usually brought the first taste of crisp fall weather, this day turned out to be perfect for the swimming, tennis, and general relaxing that Edward Quartermaine had been promising. He was particularly pleased when he found out that the newest corporate player in town would be there.

Brenda spoke with Felicia Scorpio prior to the picnic and they decided that since they would be duplicating equipment for the children, they could travel in one van and save themselves some of the complaining from the male peanut gallery. After Jax and Mac finally got everything loaded in the van, Mac groaned, "Are you sure that there’s room for the humans in here?"

"Stop grouching and drive, honey," Felicia responded after all the youngsters were buckled into carseats. Jax and Brenda sat in the middle seat and were charged with keeping order in the back should a riot break out before they got to the Quartermaine estate. Although Jax rested his hand on the seat behind Brenda, as soon as Felicia faced the front again to comment on Mac’s driving, he pulled it back, noticeably annoying Brenda.

Brenda had selected her ensemble carefully for the day, since she had just about had it with Jax’s ban on touching. She wore some very short denim cut-offs, and had put a striking red bikini underneath without Jax’s knowledge. She wore a sleeveless chambray shirt over the top of the bikini, and tied the ends in a knot at her midriff. She deliberately brushed past Jax several times as he was helping Mac load the van, and each time she did, she made sure his hand would touch her bare skin beneath the top. By the third time, she could see the desire flaring in his eyes, but he was valiantly trying to mask it.

As soon as they got to the Quartermaine grounds, Jax jumped out of the van to help Mac start unloading. "Wow, it’s hot today!" he exclaimed with a lot of enthusiasm, and immediately grabbed a beer out of the cooler. As he popped the top on the can, Brenda caught his eye and she gave him a sexy smile. She had to turn away and bite her cheek to keep from laughing when he began to drain the beer in one long gulp.

Felicia and Brenda found a spot under some trees to set up their picnic area and soon Anthony was exploring the grass for bugs to eat while Maxie supervised. Jax and Mac reclined on the grass nearby observing some of the other guests, but soon Brenda interrupted their conversation.

Jax’s eyes almost popped out of his head when he saw Brenda in her bikini. The top had a front fastener that appeared to be held together by some kind of magic. His fingers began to itch to find the secret that held it in place as Brenda called, "Jax, will you watch Anthony? Felicia and I are going to take Georgie in the pool."

"Will do," he answered in a strangled voice, and Mac looked at him in surprise. "Dry throat," Jax croaked, and got himself another beer from the cooler. On the way, he stopped to make sure Anthony wasn’t eating too many bugs before dinner, and then as he straightened up again, he heard Brenda’s squeal of delight. He shaded his eyes and looked over toward the pool.

Brenda and Felicia had waded into the shallow end of the pool and were each holding one of Georgie’s hands, bouncing her up and down in the water. Jax read Felicia’s lips as she told Brenda "it’s cold," and as he watched, Brenda nodded with a smile and immersed her body in the water quickly. As she straightened out of the water again and used her free hand to push her wet hair out of her eyes, he could see that the water must have indeed been cold – her swimsuit top did little to conceal her sharply-defined nipples. He almost ripped the top off the beer can in his haste to take a drink.

To his dismay, Brenda and Felicia returned to their blankets almost immediately. Felicia shook her hair to give Mac a shower, while Brenda turned innocently to Jax. "Can you get me a towel out of the hamper, honey? I want to go get Anthony so he doesn’t get too much sun." She smiled at him sweetly and as she turned to go to get the toddler, she made sure to swing her wet hair in his direction, spraying Jax with some much-needed cold water. He got the towel out of the hamper and when she returned, she was holding Anthony in her arms. "Oh, honey, would you mind?" she asked with wide eyes, and when she turned her back to him, he was forced to wrap the towel around her shoulders. Anthony picked that moment to help his mother’s plan, and lurched for Jax over Brenda’s shoulder – effectively trapping Jax’s hands against her breasts at the fastener. She felt Jax take a deep, shaky breath. {You’re going down, buster. Just a matter of time.}

Later that afternoon, Eddie rounded up all the male attendees for the annual "shirts and skins" touch football game. As Jax and Mac reluctantly joined the rest of the players, Lois scampered over to Brenda’s blanket with Carly in tow.

"Howya’ doin’, girlfriend?" she asked as she watched the gathering of players. Lois pulled Carly down next to her on the blanket and the four women began a running commentary on the game – but mostly about the physical attributes of the players.

Jax and Mac had the luck of being placed on the same team, while Ned/Eddie ended up on the opposing team with his cousins A.J. and Jason. When Jax shed the light green polo shirt he had worn because he had been elected to the "skins" side, Lois caught her breath.

"Lord help me, but that man has a gorgeous chest!" she exclaimed, while Carly leaned in further to hear any details. Lois smiled wickedly. "And Brenda says the rest of him ain’t bad either, don’t ‘ya, Brenda?" she asked in a sing-song voice.

Brenda nodded wordlessly as she remembered resting her head on that chest the morning when they had almost made love. She inhaled shakily as she saw Jax elected to be quarterback and he gathered the players into a huddle to call the play. When they got to the line to start the game, Jax’s low voice echoed through the humid afternoon. When the ball was snapped, she watched him drop back to throw a pass. Lois almost started to hyper-ventilate at the sight of his well-defined arm muscles. As Brenda slapped her on the back and told her to put her head between her knees, Jax completed the pass to Mac and their team moved forward.

After an hour of intense play (and a lot of horseplay, too), the score was tied and Edward proclaimed that there was only two minutes remaining in the game. The men had taken a break earlier and when Jax and Mac came over to the blanket, Felicia had an open can of beer waiting for Mac. Brenda saw her, and decided to do the same for Jax, who accepted it gratefully from her. His sweaty hands touched hers when he grabbed the can, and they both looked at each other as sparks flew. He drained the beer quickly and then the game continued.

Eddie/Ned’s team had the ball, and to the delight of Brenda and Felicia, he threw an interception directly into Mac’s hands. As the "skins" team lined up to plan their last play of the game, Brenda could see Jax outlining something complicated in the huddle. They broke, and Brenda’s hands were clenched tightly in her lap. When the ball was snapped, Brenda watched carefully as Jax dropped back, evaded a few defensemen, and then tossed the ball to Mac.

"What’s he doing?" Felicia asked scornfully. "Mac can’t do anything with the ball from way back there!" Both women had their eyes on Mac, who kept fading to the right and pumping as though he were going to throw the ball. Suddenly, Brenda grabbed Felicia’s arm and pointed to Jax, who had snuck down the left side of the field and was standing near the end zone waving at Mac. He finally caught Mac’s eye, and Mac let go a pass that had everyone stunned, even Felicia. They all watched as the ball floated into Jax’s waiting arms, and he sauntered across the line into the endzone for the winning touchdown.

Felicia grabbed Brenda joyfully and then ran to greet her jubilant husband, who had already made his way into the endzone and was high-fiving with Jax. As all the other "skins" came over to congratulate them, Brenda saw Jax look up to scan the crowd for her. He was limping on the left side after the strain of the game, and sweat freely flowed down his chest towards his waist. Brenda began to run towards the endzone herself.

Jax and Mac were still standing arm in arm accepting congratulations from the "shirts." As he turned around to look once more toward the blanket and his wife, he was surprised to see her standing there in front of him. Her eyes were sparkling, but no more than his. After a short pause, she said quietly, "Congratulations, hero!" and then launched herself at him to give him a fierce kiss.

Maybe it was the excitement of the moment. Maybe it was the warmth and humidity of the day. Whatever the reason, Jax’s control snapped and he welcomed Brenda into his embrace with a throaty growl. His tongue sank deeply into her mouth and she slanted her head the other way to deepen the kiss. To the shock of the other players, she jumped up to wind her legs around Jax’s waist and began to thread her hands into the damp hair at the back of his neck. They pulled apart once, and when Jax looked around, all the other players had scattered to their respective blankets. He looked back into Brenda’s eyes, muttered, "Oh, what the bloody hell," and then began to kiss her again, his hands pulling her hard against his body.

Finally, Lois’s voice intruded on their loveplay. "OK, you two, break it up." She glanced at Brenda’s body wound around Jax’s and she could see both of them breathing hard. As Jax peeked at Lois over Brenda’s shoulder, his eyes twinkled and Lois tapped Brenda on the shoulder and remarked, "I think they call that backfield in motion, don’t they missy?"

Brenda reluctantly unwound her legs and slid to the ground in embarrassment. "I was just happy that they won the game, Lois," she said quietly. But as they walked back to the blanket, Jax’s arm stayed around Brenda’s waist possessively and her arm wound around his.

######

It was completely dark outside when the Scorpio van pulled up in front of the Jacks’ house. Anthony had been sleeping since well before the picnic ended, and on the way home, the beers he had been consuming all afternoon took a toll on Jax, too. He had fallen asleep with his head resting on Brenda’s shoulder and she relished the masculine scent of him all the way home. Once, he shifted in his sleep, and she ventured to reach a hand up to pat his head back down on her shoulder, pushing the blonde hair back off his forehead. He opened his eyes briefly, smiled a goofy smile at her, and then closed them again in contentment.

By the time they got home, Jax’s nap had refreshed him enough to be able to unload the van with help from Mac. Brenda was holding a sleeping Anthony as they waved their good-byes to the Scorpio’s. Jax turned to face Brenda and she sighed. "Can you get the door for me, Jax? He’s getting kind of heavy."

"Door?" he asked, as though Brenda had just asked him to do differential equations. She nodded her head to the door, and the light bulb went on in his head. "Ohhhh, door!" he smiled, and then went up and tried the knob. He shook it repeatedly, and then turned back to Brenda. "Can’t. I guess it’s locked."

Brenda bit her cheek and smiled down at the ground. "I know, honey. You’ve got the key," she said gently, inclining her head to the pocket of his shorts.

"I do?" he said, looking down and opening his pocket. His face lit up and he pulled it out. "I DO!" he exclaimed happily. {You are going to have one whale of a hangover tomorrow, buster.} He tried the key in the lock and after a few fumbling attempts, he finally unlocked the door.

Brenda took Anthony upstairs to bed and he didn’t make a sound as she quickly changed his clothes and diaper. All of the fresh air and activity had taken a toll on him and she quietly turned on his night-light mobiles and shut his door. She went back downstairs and was surprised to see the front door standing open and Jax in the living room on the floor in front of the fireplace. Most of the equipment and picnic gear were inside, so she shut the door and locked it.

She went over to the couch near where Jax was sprawled and turned on a small lamp. He was snoring loudly, but when the light came on, his eyes popped open. "Yes, madam chairman, what’s before the board again?" he asked in confusion, and Brenda had to smile.

"Nothing, Jax, nothing at all," she crooned, and as she crouched down next to him, he looked at her with a sappy smile. She began to stroke his forehead again and as she leaned forward to do so, Jax got an excellent view down the front of her swimsuit top. His eyes flared with hunger that had been too long denied.

He pulled her to him and nuzzled his face in the valley between her breasts. She inhaled at the feel of his face against her, but then as she attempted to untie the shirt to help him, she lost her balance from the crouching position she had been in. Before both of them knew it, they were on the floor in front of the fireplace, Jax on the bottom and Brenda on top of him.

Brenda felt that his desire for her hadn’t been dampened by the number of beers he had consumed that day, and for that she was thankful. She slowly raised up to kneel between his legs and undo first her shirt, and then the fastener on her swimsuit top. Jax watched her in hungry silence, and then once she was finished, he sat up to gently push both pieces of clothing off her shoulders. She returned the favor by grasping his polo shirt and pulling it over his head, caressing his bare chest with her hands when she finished. He watched her for a moment, and then after sliding his hands up to cup her breasts and gently massage their centers with his thumbs, he pulled her to him in an erotic kiss and lay back on the floor.

Brenda’s hips began to move restlessly against his. Jax couldn’t believe what was happening. But he was afraid to say anything, because deep down in his soul, he wasn’t sure if he was dreaming this entire event. He had wanted it for so long, and had had so many dreams about it. But the dreams paled in comparison the reality, if that’s what this truly was.

He quickly rolled her to her back and lowered his head to kiss her neck and then work his way down to her breasts. He heard her whimpering in need for him, but then reality set in as he began the difficult task of removing her shorts and still-damp bikini bottom. The shorts were easy enough, but the damp fabric of the bikini clung to her skin, and in his frustration, he looked into her beautiful doe-eyes. Brenda sat up a little, and then helped him ease them down her legs, helping him out of his shorts at the same time.

When they were both naked on the floor, Jax began to wonder if he could wait much longer. He dared to speak, and was elated when he realized that he wasn’t dreaming. "Brenda, love, I wanted our first time to be so perfect," he whispered into her ear as his hands roamed her body at will. "But I don’t know if I can wait much longer. I want you so much," he said raggedly.

She pulled his head to face hers and her eyes sparkled with desire. "I don’t want to wait, Jax. I want you. I want you NOW," she said, taking his hand by the wrist and placing it low on her stomach.

His hand worked its way south, and he inhaled sharply. "You DO want me," he said as her body confirmed what she had told him, and then began to repeat it as a litany. When he finally gave her what she wanted, he groaned loudly. It was so much better than he had ever dreamed or imagined. "You’re so warm," he whispered to her, before he took her mouth in a kiss that imitated what their bodies were doing.

He took her higher and higher, until finally Brenda arched her back and her eyes opened wide in bliss. She grabbed his face and pulled it to her to stifle her exclamations, and shortly thereafter, Jax followed her into heaven. Jax broke the kiss to mouth words that Brenda couldn’t always understand into her ear. All that she recognized for sure were the words that she knew were in his heart all along – "I love you, Brenda. I love you."

After their heartbeats had slowed and Jax had rolled next to her and pulled her body to him, she realized he had fallen deeply asleep. Brenda reached gently over to pull an afghan off the couch and cover them both, and then rested her head on his chest. Before she drifted off to sleep herself, she whispered back to him, "I love you too, Jax. I love you."

"OK, that’s the last of it," the wife sighed, flopping into an overstuffed chair in the living room.

The husband carried some boxes in the front door and then slammed it shut. He dropped them in the middle of the living room. "Have you got everything in the kitchen boxes put away?" He collapsed onto the couch and almost put his feet up before getting a dirty look from the woman.

"Yeah. We should be able to find everything we need to fix breakfast tomorrow morning. But don’t count on finding your underwear for a week!"

The husband sat up on the couch and purred at the wife. "That sounds interesting! What else did you lose when we moved? That ugly carving board from your Uncle Alvin?"

She opened one eye to glare at him. "It was from YOUR uncle Herman and it’s not ugly!" She sighed again and looked at the stack of boxes in the corner. "What’s in those? More stuff for the attic?"

The man rose and went to read the sides of the boxes. "Yeah – it looks like mostly mementos from our wedding and old pictures." He picked up the top box and opened the lid. "Oh, yeah, and this is my old Air Force stuff."

The wife spoke without opening her eyes. "Did you ever send that picture to that widow? You know – the guy you were in Arabia with?"

The man took the box and carried it to the couch. He opened it and sifted through the stack of pictures until he found the picture. "No. I never got around to it, what with moving and all." He looked at it for a minute. "Geez, I don’t even know how I would find her after all this time."

The wife finally got up and went over to the husband on the couch. She stood by him, looked at the picture, and ruffled his hair affectionately. "What if you sent it to the Air Force? Surely they must keep records and they could forward it on to her. Do you remember the name?"

The man put the picture to his forehead for a minute. "Cerullo!" he said suddenly. "Louie Cerullo! That was the guy’s name." He stood up and threw the picture down into the box. "Remind me to send it to the Air Force tomorrow. They can find her if anybody can."

"Tomorrow?" the wife said innocently. "Why tomorrow?"

The husband smiled slyly. "Because tonight I want to christen the new bed in my new house." He swept the woman up into his arms and her giggles echoed down the empty hallway as he carried her into the bedroom.

To be continued….