Propping her chin in her hands, she closed her eyes and thought back to the events of the night before. Her wedding night. {Some wedding night. I wouldn’t be surprised if my groom meets me this morning with annulment papers. He must hate the sight of me.} She slowly got out of bed and stretched, listening to the birds chirping outside her window. As she stood quietly for a moment, she could swear she heard singing coming from somewhere else in the house.

She stood before the dresser mirror and gasped at her reflection. Her eyes had dark circles beneath them, and they were swollen and bloodshot. {That’s what you get for crying half the night.} She had lain in the big bed after Jax stormed out and cried for a long time. She missed her own bed. {But this is your bed now.} She missed her family. {But Jax is your family now.} And she missed her husband. {But Jax is your husband now, and face it – you miss him, too.}

After splashing cold water on her face and finding an old pink chenille bathrobe in the closet, she put it on and opened the door. She smelled coffee. She still heard singing. Following the smell and the sound, she found her way to the kitchen she had seen briefly the night before.

As she stood in the open doorway to the kitchen, she thought she had awakened in some alternate universe. Jax stood at the counter, reading a morning newspaper, dressed in some dark gray trousers and a white dress shirt with gray pin-stripes. He had two large coffee mugs set on the counter, next to the coffee-maker which was still dripping coffee into a large pot. And he was singing. Well, maybe humming more accurately described it. Brenda wasn’t exactly sure how he would greet her this morning, but she was prepared to duck if he threw one of the coffee mugs in her direction.

Just as she was debating the wisdom of surprising him, he looked in her direction. His face broke into a beautiful, dimpled smile and his eyes shone with warmth. {OK, where’s the wizard? I’m in Oz. I’m ready to go back to Kansas anytime now.} He walked over to her and extended his hands to her. {Oh, I get it. It’s the old Looking-for-Mr.-Goodbar thing. He’s going to be nice to me before he kills me.} She could have fainted when he pulled her into his embrace and dropped warm kisses on the side of her neck. "Good morning, love. Want some coffee?"

Brenda had forgotten how to speak. "Yes," she managed to croak, and then as he went back to pour a cup for both of them, she stumbled her way to sit at the table before her legs gave way.

Jax turned back to her. "Juice, too?" He held out a small glass of orange juice. She nodded mutely, and he brought both back to place them in front of her on the table. After he set them down, he seized the opportunity to trail one hand up her arm and squeeze her shoulder. "You’re tight as a drum this morning," he said with surprise. He came around to stand behind her and began to massage her neck.

{OK, NOW I get it. NOW comes the strangling part.} But as Brenda sipped her juice slowly, he surprised her again by giving her a wonderful massage that made her body feel warm and tingly and limp all at the same time. He leaned down next to her ear. "Should I call and order some breakfast sent out?" He walked around and sat in the chair opposite hers. "I figured eventually we would hire a housekeeper to do the cooking, but I thought you would want to help pick her. So for this morning, we’ll just have to order some take-out. Sorry."

She looked at him in amazement and reminded herself to close her mouth. {He’s not furious. I don’t get it. But neither did he, so why isn’t he mad at me?} Not wanting to question fate any further, she decided that she could play this game, too. "Would you like me to cook you something for breakfast?" The massage had made her feel a little more human, and she actually got out of her chair and walked over to open the refrigerator and inspect its contents.

Now it was Jax’s turn to be astonished. {Wait a minute – she can’t cook. Louie used to joke about it all the time. He said that when they were first married, she used to burn the water boiling it for instant coffee.} "You can cook?" he choked.

Brenda still had her head in the refrigerator. "Well, at first I couldn’t. Louie used to always complain…" She straightened up and turned back to face Jax. It was probably not good form to relate her warm memories of her first marriage to her second husband. She nervously balanced the eggs and bacon in her hands, and Jax jumped up to help her.

"Anyway," she continued as he took the bacon from her, "I couldn’t cook at all in the beginning. Then I decided to take a cooking course while Louie was overseas and surprise him when he came home." Her face grew somber, and Jax set the bacon on the counter next to her without a comment. "So what would you like?" she asked brightly, trying to change the subject.

She hadn’t counted on him standing so close to her. She could smell his aftershave and feel his masculinity. She remembered the way he looked last night, without a shirt and his pajama bottoms riding so dangerously low on his hips. He ran his hand lightly down her arm, and he felt her tremble. He leaned down close to her ear and said seriously, "Why don’t you surprise me?"

She turned to face him. {Are we still talking about food here?} She leaned in to him ever so slightly, and then broke the mood and moved past him to search for pans and plates. Jax returned to sit at the kitchen table and read his paper, but as she worked, he secretly peeked over the top of the paper to watch her.

She moved so gracefully, he wondered if she had ever been a dancer. She almost seemed to glide from stove to sink to stove again, obviously enjoying what she was doing. After a few minutes, the kitchen began to fill with the delicious smell of crisping bacon. He buried his head in the newspaper again when he saw her glance around at him. He heard the opening and closing of cabinet doors and her low mutter of frustration.

"Problems?" he asked innocently.

Brenda put her hands on her hips. "No, I just can’t find the…ah..here they are." She turned to face him triumphantly. "The plates. Found them."

"I took the liberty of arranging the kitchen things in the cabinets, but please feel free to rearrange them," Jax said earnestly. "I didn’t realize that you would be cooking."

Brenda walked to the table and placed a plate in front of him to his delighted surprise. Fluffy scrambled eggs and crisp bacon were arranged appetizingly on the plate, complete with an orange slice for garnish. "This looks excellent!" he raved.

She sat down opposite him. "Yeah, well looks isn’t everything in cooking. But I did get a good grade in the cooking class, so hopefully I haven’t forgotten everything I learned."

Jax proceeded to devour every last bite on the plate in record time. He sat back in the chair and watched Brenda eat, sipping his coffee contentedly. "You know," he said stretching, "I could get used to this pampered husband routine. You can cook breakfast for me anytime, Mrs. Jacks."

They finished breakfast in a relaxed conversation about plans for the day. "I thought we could go to church with Carmine and Gloria, and then get the rest of Anthony’s stuff this afternoon and bring it here along with your van," Jax said. "And anything of yours that you and Lois didn’t have a chance to move over here last week." Brenda nodded. "And I thought that maybe after church I could take all of you to the Gaslight Club for brunch."

Brenda stood to gather the dishes but her hands stopped. "The Gaslight Club? But you have to be a member to go there."

Jax stood to help her bring the dirty dishes to the sink. "But now you ARE a member, dear wife. I became a member right after I moved to Port Charles. To tell the truth, I haven’t been there that often, so I really should go just to make sure my membership fee is worth it."

She walked to the sink. "Oh, Jax, that’s sweet, but I don’t think that they’re exactly prepared to deal with an 18-month-old."

He stopped and stood behind her as she stood at the sink. "He’s my kid. My kid should be welcome there, or else I’m canceling my membership." Brenda smiled to herself, and Jax could feel it. He also felt her body tense when he leaned past her to place some dishes on the sink. He buried his face in her hair, and then took her by the shoulders to face him.

"You haven’t showered yet this morning," he groaned, nuzzling her neck. "You still smell like roses and orchids from yesterday." He brought his face up to within inches of hers. "Can I join you in the shower and thank you for breakfast?"

She was gripping the kitchen counter for support as her knees threatened to buckle. "But you already showered," she said in weak protest. Her hands slid to his waist on their own, and then up around to feel the muscles in his back. She buried her head in his chest, inhaling the male fragrance of him.

He took her chin between his fingers and looked deeply into her eyes. "I always did say, Mrs. Jacks – cleanliness is next to Godliness." With that, he lowered his head to hers to give her the first proper kiss of the morning. He explored her lips gently and persuasively with his, tracing their outline briefly with his tongue, and then slipping it into her mouth when her lips opened with a sigh.

His hands slid to the front of her robe to pull open the sash. When it fell open, he moved his hands to rub them along her waistline, and inch them slowly higher along her sides. As his hands came up her side, his thumbs reached out to caress her breasts and then lingered there. He finally broke the kiss and looked into her soft velvet eyes. "I guess I’d better just take a raincheck. We don’t want to be late for church," he said huskily.

She nodded, and he saw her hesitancy return. {But it was gone there just for a minute. I may not have won the war, but this battle definitely goes into my column. You’ll be mine, Brenda. It’s just a matter of time.} "Why don’t you go shower and I’ll clean up these dishes." She nodded again silently, and then walked out of the kitchen with faltering steps. He smiled to himself. {Yep. Just a matter of time.}

*~*~*~*

Brenda showered and struggled to put on a gray silk dress with mauve accents. It was a simple A-line sheath, but she knew that the pink sapphire jewelry that Jax gave her for a wedding present would look stunning on the dress. She was almost tempted to take a cold shower after the morning greeting Jax had given her in the kitchen.

Her head was still swimming in confusion when she stumbled out of the bathroom without shoes and her dress half-zipped. To her surprise, her husband stood in the entrance to "his" walk-in closet, stripped to the waist. She saw the rippling muscles in his back and considered going back in and showering again, but before she could, he heard her.

He turned in surprise. "Oh – sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. It would just be such a pain for me to move all of my things into that little closet in the guest bedroom, so I thought you wouldn’t mind…"

{Get a grip, Brenda. He’s your husband. Surely you can put up with the sight of him without clothes – at least, parts of him without clothes.} She tried not to sound flustered, and bent down on the floor. "No, Jax, it’s not a problem. I just can’t find my shoes, and I was surprised to see you….I mean, at breakfast you had a shirt… I mean, …."

He looked down at his bare chest and then back into the closet. "Yeah, that’s the problem."

Brenda finally located one shoe and sat on the bed to put it on. "What’s the problem? Did you spill something on it?"

He turned to face her on the bed and was holding the offending shirt in his hand. "No, but when I went to put on my tie, I noticed it’s missing a button. And I don’t have another clean shirt to wear with this suit." He sighed and turned back to the closet. "I hadn’t picked up my cleaning, what with all the wedding plans. Now I’ll have to take this shirt there, too, and get them to fix it." He ran his hand through his hair in exasperation.

Brenda sat up straight on the bed and looked at him with shock. "The cleaners? You’ll have to have a button sewn on at the CLEANERS?" She clucked at him and went to the chest of drawers muttering. He waited, and finally she pulled out a small box. "Bring the shirt here. I would be a pretty pitiful excuse for a wife if I couldn’t do a simple thing like sew on a button."

He smiled and walked over to where she sat on the bed. He handed the shirt to Brenda, and as she took it, the essence of all that was Jax wafted towards her. She had a disturbing urge to press the shirt to her face and just hold it there. Her hands trembled a little, and then she forced herself to turn the shirt to the front to find the place where the button was missing.

To her dismay, he sat down next to her on the bed. The very essence of him coming from the shirt was bad enough, but then to have him sitting on the bed, his leg against hers, his chest bare – Brenda was afraid she might start hyper-ventilating. He saw her fingers falter when trying to thread the needle, and he realized his plan was working. Chewing through the threads that held that button on while she was in the shower hadn’t been easy.

But he knew he needed to take it slow. "We need to talk about something. How about now?"

{An annulment? He MUST still have some anger from last night’s debacle.} Her voice caught a little. "Sure, what?"

He gave a big sigh. "Anthony. When will we need to start looking at things like nursery schools and such? I know so little about kids."

She heaved a secret sigh of relief. "Oh, not for a while. He’s got another year before he would be old enough for nursery school." She drew the threaded needle up through the button, and her arm brushed against his, causing a set of sparks in her. "But we might need to consider day-care. I think Gloria and Carmine might want to travel a little. They got some extra money out of the settlement for the house, and they always did want to see Mount Rushmore."

Jax nodded. "Well, we could either put him into day care or we could hire a nanny, you know." He watched her delicate fingers work through the fabric. "Or….maybe I should have Addie do some checking into how many families work for J&J Jacks. We might be able to start our own in-house day care center. Would that be acceptable to you?"

Brenda nodded. "Sure. It would probably be good PR for the company, too. There are lots of working parents who are faced with this problem."

Jax smirked. "And that way, when he learns a dirty word from one of the kids at day-care, I’ll know which parents are responsible and they can suffer my wrath," he said jokingly.

Brenda started to laugh with him, and suddenly stopped sewing and looked up into his eyes. They sat on the bed for a moment, and Jax leaned down and placed a kiss on the side of her neck, where the dress ended and skin began. "You smell so good this morning," he said breathlessly.

She had closed her eyes, but then opened them and drew a shaky breath. "I’d better get going on this or we’ll never make it to church."

Jax nodded, but continued to sit next to her while she finished the job. She handed it to him wordlessly, and he took it with a smile. As he stood to put it on, she took a deep breath and went to finish dressing herself. But as she stood next to him, he grabbed her by the arm. She looked scared for just a moment.

"Your dress…" he began. "It’s coming unzipped in the back."

"Oh…yeah. It has a little hook thingy at the top that I can never do myself." He stood there expectantly, and she took a giant step. She turned her back to him and lifted her hair. "Would you mind zipping me again and doing it for me?"

Now it was his turn to have trembling hands. The zipper had slid down almost halfway and he could see naked flesh between her bra and half slip. He longed to trace her spine with his lips, but knew he had to take things slowly. At least she had made the overture of asking for his help. She heard him chuckle a little. "Guess I have a lot to learn about being a married man. Hook thingies, huh?"

He finished fastening the hook and ran his fingers ever so lightly up her neck to the bottom of her hairline. "No thanks necessary, my love," he whispered to her. "It was truly my pleasure."

As he went back to his closet to retrieve his tie, Brenda turned to watch him silently. Apparently, she had a lot to learn about being married to this complex man herself.

*~*~*~*

They went to church as a group, and Brenda swore that every old bitty in the church was staring at her that morning. But amazingly, it only made her cling to Jax’s arm that much fiercer and sit that much closer to him during the service.

After church, they went back to the Cerullo house where a steady stream of presents had been arriving. To Brenda’s surprise, a lot of them were from friends of Jax, international jet-setters that made her mouth drop open in shock. They sent extravagant gifts and invitations to villas and ski chalets that she had only dreamed existed.

They all went to brunch at the Gaslight Club, and Gloria almost slapped Carmine for having his mouth hanging open at the hostess with cleavage down to her navel. "This is what she wears for brunch?" he asked in a strangled voice.

Jax snickered. "Would you like to come here for drinks sometime after the hockey game?"

Carmine was nodding enthusiastically when Gloria grabbed his arm. "Carmine hates hockey, don’t you dear?"

Brenda had to laugh, but her laughing ended when the hostess seated the group and shook out Jax’s napkin, placing it very CAREFULLY and very SLOWLY in Jax’s lap. She found herself wishing the woman would pick on someone else’s husband and looking daggers at her, which pleased Jax immensely. As the hostess sashayed away to another table, Brenda let out a sound of disgust. "Doesn’t she think a grown man can put on his own napkin?"

Jax leaned over to her and whispered in her ear. "I can assure you, my love, anytime you want to make sure my napkin hasn’t slipped off my lap, you are most welcome to check its position." To his delight, rather than looking shocked or insulted, Brenda just blushed and smiled.

Anthony, for once in his young life, behaved like an angel. He rode in on Jax’s arm and even though the hostess was paying a lot of attention to Jax, she immediately turned her charms to the youngest male in the party. She turned the room upside down finding a high chair for him, and raised holy heck in the kitchen until they found some goldfish crackers for him to munch on. He managed to keep all of his food on the tray of the high chair, and by the end of the brunch, all of the female staff lined up at the entrance to the restaurant waving good-bye to him.

Jax chuckled as he was buckling him into the car seat. "I think that once he gets to the dating age, we’ll be spending a lot of sleepless nights," he said to Brenda. Then he looked Anthony in the eyes. "But you don’t get to use the Jag until you’re at least 21, young man, no matter how pretty she is!" Anthony looked at him seriously, and took Jax’s outstretched finger and pulled it to his face to blow raspberries on it. The entire car burst into laughter at Jax’s failed first attempt at discipline. Even he had to laugh and ruffled Anthony’s hair.

They went back to the Cerullo home and by late afternoon, most of Brenda and Anthony’s remaining things were packed into Brenda’s mini-van. Jax invited Carmine and Gloria to follow them to the house for a tour, and they gladly agreed.

Late that night, Brenda stood watching Anthony sleep in his crib contentedly. Gloria had been amazed at the house, and Carmine and Jax had a long talk about construction values and the local economy. Gloria and Brenda had collaborated in the kitchen preparing a light supper, and Gloria declared that she wished Brenda would hire her as the housekeeper since the kitchen was like heaven to work in. They had all enjoyed each other’s company late into the evening, and Jax seemed relaxed and happy in his new role as husband and homeowner. He even challenged Carmine to a grilling duel when the new gas grill was installed.

Brenda jumped slightly when Jax came up behind her. "Is he asleep? I was worried that he might be afraid, in a new room and all."

Brenda smiled at him over her shoulder. "He was pretty tired from his first big day in the new house. But I don’t think he would ever be afraid of this room. Most little boys would kill for a room like this."

Jax was pleased. He had personally picked out the décor for the room – planes, trains, and automobiles. Two walls were wall-papered with actual aerial maps of Port Charles, and Jax had held Anthony up and showed him street names and places. There were two large dressers on opposite walls, one shaped like a locomotive and one shaped like a racing car. Although they had hidden drawers for his clothes, Anthony could actually climb on them and pretend to drive or be the train engineer. There were car and train mobiles scattered throughout the room. At the flick of a switch, they began to rotate with nightlights illuminating them in the centers.

Brenda left the door open slightly and Jax stretched. Brenda rubbed the side of her neck and laughed. "I guess all of that moving left us both with some sore muscles."

Jax nodded and then pulled her into his arms. "I know just the cure. Would you like to meet me in the hot tub outside for a relaxing soak?"

{Hmmm….let’s see. You, me, the moonlight, very little clothing, warm bubbling water…. Does that spell seduction?} Brenda blushed a little. "I think I’d better just go straight to bed. I didn’t sleep very well last night and I’m beginning to feel it."

Jax nodded. {Don’t push it. You already won several battles today. You don’t have to win the war the first day out.} "Well then, I’ll just say good-night now." Brenda held her breath as Jax pulled her closer and as his head lowered towards hers, she began to fear for her sanity. He kissed her slowly and thoroughly, as though time had stopped and they were the only two people in the world. He teased her lips with the tip of his tongue, and to his delight, they opened to him almost immediately and her tongue met his. He heard her moan into his mouth, and felt her press her body closer to his. One of his hands came up to cradle the side of her face, and his fingers felt the vein in her neck throbbing. He finally ended the kiss, and his thumb continued to caress her face. "Good-night, my love," he said softly, and then watched as she whispered it back to him and turned to go into their bedroom. Alone.

*~*~*~*

Jax sat for a long time out in the garden, watching the soft light in the master bedroom until it went out. He felt something in the palm of his hand, and muttered a soft expletive when he realized that he had been digging his nails into his hand so hard that he had cut himself.

{Any pain will do. Any pain that will get my mind off the pain I’m feeling right now in the part of me that wants to be with Brenda.} He shifted uncomfortably on the swing, trying to ease the ache a little. He couldn’t remember ever wanting a woman as much as he wanted her.

{But she’s your wife, man. You have a RIGHT to want her. H*ll, you have a right to HAVE her.} He could feel her respond to his kiss tonight. He knew that a part of her wanted him back very much. {So why is she denying herself what we both want so much? You should march yourself up there right now and make love to her. Once she finds out how wonderful it could be, there’s no way she would ever deny you again.}

Jax rubbed his hands on his blue jeans. It sounded like a plan to him. But then he remembered that he had promised her last night never to force her. He told her that he wanted HER to initiate the lovemaking. And then that little voice in the back of his head that sounded so much like Lady Jane’s began to taunt him.

{Once she finds out how wonderful it would be …. Making love with a man who is responsible for her first husband’s death. When are you going to tell her?}

Jax relaxed back into the swing again. He rubbed his hands over his face and sat forward to prop his elbows on his knees and put his fists under his chin. He had had the best intentions. He had planned that once Brenda was his legally, he would tell her everything.

{OK, so now that’s done. Brenda and Anthony are both yours and living in your home. So tell her.}

Then, he had re-evaluated the plan and decided to tell her after they had consummated the marriage – after she was bound to him legally and physically. He had thought that once she experienced the ecstasy he could bring her to, no other man in the world would occupy her mind or heart. But then the wedding night certainly didn’t turn out the way he had planned.

{That’s the key to it, though – her heart. You have to win her heart. Even if you win her body, she still may decide to hate you when you tell her. But what if you never win her heart?}

Jax began to sweat as the thoughts ran through his head. Was it possible that she could never love him the way he loved her? What if there was never a right time to tell her? Did she need to know at all?

{She does.} The voice again. {Why does it have to sound so much like Mum?}

But then his own mind kicked in again as he stood and looked up into the window of the bedroom. He would win her. He could feel today that he had won some minor skirmishes. He would just wait to tell her until he won the war. Until the time was right. He would take things one day at a time and not think about tomorrow until tomorrow came. He began to think about her eyes, her hair, and the soft spot at the nape of her neck that he had caressed today when doing up her dress.

Yes. He would wait until the time was right to tell her. {But will you know when the time is right? And when it is – how will you begin to tell her? Will you have the guts to go through with it?}

To be continued….