Jax smiled, his eyes sparkling with excitement. "I asked you to marry me."

Brenda shook her head as though to clear the cobwebs. "Why would you want to marry me?"

"Why wouldn’t I? You’re a beautiful woman, Brenda. I’m in love with you, and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. You must know that I love Anthony, too, and the thought of being a father to him is just icing on the cake."

Brenda almost wanted to put her hand to his forehead to see if he was running a fever and having delusions. She took both of his hands in hers and tried to speak gently. "Jax, do you remember what I said just before you proposed to me?"

Jax nodded matter-of-factly. "Yes, that you don’t love me yet."

"Jax, there is no "yet." I’m not looking to fall in love with somebody again. I’ll always love Louie, and I’ll never feel that way about anybody again."

He sat firm. "I still want to marry you."

She sighed in exasperation. This line of reasoning wasn’t getting her anywhere. "Look, Jax, you’re a very handsome man…"

His eyes lit up and he interrupted her. "Thanks!"

"Let me finish. I’m sure that someday you’ll find another woman who loves you to distraction. When you propose to her, she’ll probably interrupt you to say yes before you even get the words out of your mouth."

"I don’t care." His blue eyes seemed like a bottomless lake, and she felt herself falling in. "I won’t be looking for any other woman to fall in love with. I've found the only woman I’ll ever love. And that’s you, Brenda."

She stood up in frustration. "This is impossible! We’ve only known each other for a few weeks!"

He looked up at her. {There’s where you’re wrong, Brenda. I know all about you. I know your favorite color is blue and you love to walk in the rain and you’re self-conscious because you think you’re too short.} He stood, and now it was his turn to take her hands in his. "From the first moment I saw you, Brenda, all I could think of was what a beautiful woman you were. I loved the way you walked, and talked to Anthony. I was standing there, trying desperately to figure out a way to introduce myself to you without sounding like some bad pick-up artist in a singles’ bar when Anthony gave me the perfect opportunity." He smiled to himself and cast his eyes upward. "Sometimes I think I have a whole squadron of angels watching over me, granting my wishes." He looked back at her, and she could see that he was extremely serious. "I want to marry you, Brenda, and make this house a home for you and Anthony."

She pulled her hands from his and turned around to walk away, trying to make sense of this. She knew that he wanted her before, but this was completely out of the blue. Why would a man who was rich, sinfully handsome, and as smooth as silk want to tie himself down so quickly? She had seen the looks the other women gave him at the civic dinner. Katherine Bell would jump at the opportunity just to have him give her the time of day. So why would he insist on so ruthlessly pursuing a widow with a child?

As she stood facing the opposite way from him, a thought began to form. He had never talked about his accident. Could it be that his injuries were far more extensive than what showed on the outside? He told her he never wore shorts because of the scars – just how severely scarred was he? Could he be asking her this because she could provide him with a child he might not be able to have with any other woman? But how did she say it to him?

She turned back to face him, but kept a distance away. This would be embarrassing as it was. "Jax, you never really talk about your accident, but how badly were you injured?"

The hairs on his neck rose. "What do you mean?"

She began to talk quickly. "Well, I mean you say you have a lot of scars, but I didn’t know exactly how badly… I mean where…I mean…."

He walked to stand right in front of her. "What are you trying to ask, Brenda?"

She couldn’t look him in the eye. Maybe if she said it fast enough, it wouldn’t be as embarrassing. "Can you still make love to a woman and father a child?" She said in all in one breath, but it didn’t help. Her face still turned a bright shade of red.

She felt him move even closer to her and put his hands on her arms. "Brenda." She wouldn’t look up at him, but finally she heard a low rumble as a chuckle worked its way up through his chest. He took her chin between his fingers and raised her face to look at him. Her doe-eyes were large and a little fearful, and his were so soft and fiery that she almost lost her breath. "I would think that after our little escapade at your in-laws’ house there wouldn’t be a doubt in your mind. Couldn’t you tell that night how much I wanted to make love to you? Couldn’t you feel what you were doing to my body?"

Now the blush threatened to work its way down her arms and the rest of her body to her toes. But he went on. "Brenda, I am fully capable of making love to you with every fiber of my being. So, make no mistake about this – this will not be a marriage in name only. I’m not doing this out of any noble intention. I want to marry you, yes. But I want to make love to you, too. I want to get to know every inch of your body, almost better than you know it yourself. I want to be one with you, Brenda, soul AND BODY. Frequently. Is that clear?"

She couldn’t answer him. She tried to say something, but no words came out of her mouth. He pulled her into his embrace and as she saw his lips coming towards her, she began to panic. She knew that if he kissed her, she would be lost.

He trailed his open lips near her hairline on her forehead. "Jax, don’t," she said breathlessly. His fingers were sliding up and down the column of her neck, and the feather-light touch was giving her the shivers.

"Don’t what?" he mumbled, moving his lips down to her ear.

Her eyes were closed and she was reeling. "Don’t kiss me," she answered, as he darted his nimble tongue into her ear.

He pulled back just a fraction. "I’m not kissing you, Brenda," he corrected her. He moved his lips to her jawline, tracing it with an open mouth and occasionally nipping it lightly with his teeth.

Brenda’s head rolled to the side to give him better access. "Well, you’re almost kissing me," she argued, giving the slightest whimper after her statement.

He moved his lips to hover less than an inch above hers. "No, Brenda, you’re mistaken. THIS is ALMOST kissing you." He lightly nipped each corner of her mouth, then rubbed his lips slightly over hers, never lingering in one spot.

She was breathing like she had run the mile. "Really?"

Jax continued his sensual assault. "Mmm-hmm." He slid his fingers lightly down her neck, past her shoulders, down her arms, and then under her arms to pull her full against him. One hand came back up and the thumb traced the edge of her jawline again. "Now THIS is kissing you."

With that, his mouth closed over hers, and she moaned in surrender. Her mouth opened immediately to his searching tongue, and her tongue stroked his, causing him to catch his breath. He deepened the kiss, stealing the breath from her mouth and exchanging it for his. His hand moved slowly down to the front of her sheer blouse, deftly undoing the first button, and he stroked the back of his fingers across the swell of her breast, searching for its center.

Brenda’s feelings were a jumble. She thought it was a shame that a man who could kiss like this wanted to spend the rest of his life with a woman would wouldn’t be interested in his kisses. {But then why are you writhing against him in ecstasy, hoping the kiss will never end?} She thought he was crazy to ask her to marry him, knowing she wasn’t attracted to him. {But if you’re not attracted to him, why are your insides turning to mush and why are you imagining how his mouth would feel on your breasts?}

Suddenly, she realized that they were coming very close to consummating the marriage, if there was to be one, before it ever took place. She found the monumental strength to push him away. "Jax! We have to stop!" she said breathlessly. She lowered her head for a few minutes, trying to catch her breath. "I told Mom and Pops I would be a little late, but if we keep this up, I’ll be a lot late!"

Jax smiled at her realization. {So she IS attracted to me – at least on a physical level. You haven’t lost it after all, Jax!}

He nodded to her, and as she backed away from their embrace, her glance dropped down Jax’s body. {Well, Brenda, if you thought before that maybe he wasn’t able to perform sexually because of the accident, I guess you’ve got your proof now! Whatever happened to the rest of his body certainly didn’t have an adverse affect on THAT part!} She blushed slightly, and then pushed past him to get her purse, which she had left on the bench.

They rode back to L&B’s offices so that Brenda could pick up her van. Jax really would have preferred taking her home, but she had left the van there and would have no way to get to work the next day. Brenda sat in silence, while Jax negotiated his way back into the late rush-hour traffic.

Brenda looked over at him, and he was so intent on watching the cars around him that she could study him without him knowing. Maybe it was just a spur-of-the-moment thing. Maybe it was the warm summer night, and the end of a long day at work, and the nearness of her after their separation. Maybe he would just laugh it off and tell her that he never intended to ask her to marry him.

But as soon as they came to a stop at L&B, he burst her bubble. "Brenda, I know my proposal today came as kind of a shock to you."

She laughed out loud. "More like a bolt out of the blue," she said sarcastically. "I still can’t believe that you were serious about it."

He took her hands in his again and gently stroked her fingers. "I’m very serious, Brenda. I’ve found that getting what I want in life is much like getting what I want in business. Once I’ve found it, I go after it relentlessly. I don’t make a move until I’m sure. But once I’m sure – it’s all or nothing with me. I’ve never proposed to another woman, and I’ll never propose to another one if you turn me down. You and I were meant to be, Brenda. You just have to realize that."

She shook her head at him and inhaled to argue, but he stopped her with his finger. "Don’t give me an answer right now. Think about it. Think about what it could mean to Anthony, and your in-laws. Call me when you reach a decision."

His eyes held hers so captive that she swore that the man must have been a hypnotist in another life. He leaned over to kiss her, and again she found herself kissing him back. Her mind was telling her no, but her body wasn’t cooperating, and it was driving her insane. She got out of the Jag, and watched as he drove away, making his way back into the stream of traffic.

She lay awake for a long time that night, her mind still reeling with Jax’s proposal. {Why does the man have to be such a good kisser? Why can’t I get past the idea of him making love to me all night – being my husband – and think about this rationally and logically?} Despite her protests to Lois, Brenda began to believe that she did miss having a sex life.

She shook her head as she sat at her desk at L&B the next day. She had to think about this from a purely analytical standpoint, and not think about the physical attraction. She remembered his words to her as he left. {Good idea, Brenda. Figure out what it would mean to Gloria and Carmine and Anthony.}

The man obviously didn’t play fair. Of course, it would be more beneficial to Gloria and Carmine. They could move into their condo without any worries about her future financially. She would have a beautiful house to live in and they would be free of taking care of her and Anthony. They could even travel a little if they wanted, since a man of Jax’s wealth no doubt could afford a nanny for Anthony during the day.

And Anthony. He did need a male influence in his life. Of course, Carmine had filled that role in the past, but how much male influence does a toddler need? Once Anthony got old enough to throw a baseball and ride a bike around the block, would Carmine be able to keep up with him? Once Anthony got old enough to be a Cub Scout, would Carmine be able to go on campouts with him? Obviously, a younger man like Jax would be more well-suited as a father figure for Anthony.

Her mind rebelled at the words. {But he doesn’t need a father figure. He’s got a father, and it’s Louie. I’ll keep his memory alive for Anthony and he will always know who his father was. Jax could never fill that role like Louie would have.}

Luckily, Lois was tied up in a session all day and Carly had taken a day of vacation, so Brenda was free to sit at the front desk and think with few interruptions. {So, Gloria and Carmine and Anthony could possibly benefit from her marrying Jax. So now what?}

She looked out the front window, and saw a couple walking down the street holding hands. {Hmmm… they’re obviously in love.} Then it hit her like a ton of bricks. She had been doing all this thinking about how it would benefit everyone else, and SHE was the one marrying him, for goodness sake! What about benefits to her?

Her mind immediately strayed to the physical. {OK, Brenda, I think all those nights you’ve woken up drenched in sweat after dreaming about him answer that question adequately.} She obviously would enjoy the physical relationship with him. {You would have to be dead not to enjoy a physical relationship with Jax.} She shook her head again to clear it. {Move on, Brenda. That aspect has been covered.}

She tried desperately to think of something that she wouldn’t like about being married to him. He was a decent man, financially secure {probably more secure than the Bank of Port Charles}, kind, generous, and a force to be reckoned with in the future of Port Charles. He would provide her with a beautiful home to live in, and would probably spare no expense to see that she was happy.

But did she need THINGS to be happy? Her head was beginning to pound from thinking. She had used more Tylenol during the past few days than the time she got the flu during the winter of l991.

Very, very early on Sunday morning, Brenda lay awake in her bed, believing that she had finally come to a decision. She would take Anthony and move out of the Cerullo house. She was a successful business woman, relatively financially secure, and there was no reason why she couldn’t make it on her own. Gloria and Carmine had offered numerous times to continue to care for Anthony, and in just a few short years, he would start school, which would take up a large part of his time during the day. As he grew older, he would make friends his age at school, and perhaps he could "borrow" one of their fathers at times. She had personal experience doing that – every time there was a father-daughter banquet at school, she could always count on a friend to offer her dad to Brenda on "loan" for the evening. And she had turned out just fine, hadn’t she?

She came downstairs to breakfast feeling better already. {Might as well call him now. It’s been 4 days since he proposed. The longer you wait, the more you’ll get the man’s hopes up.} The kitchen was deserted since Gloria and Carmine had gone to Mass and breakfast with some friends from the neighborhood.

She was surprised to hear his voice sound so chipper this early in the morning. "Jax, I wasn’t sure if you would be up yet."

"Hi, Brenda. I’m always up this early. I love early mornings. It’s when I do my best thinking."

{Yeah, thinking. That’s what I’ve been doing.} "Well, Jax, the reason I called is because I’ve come to a decision about your proposal and…"

He cut her off quickly. "Don’t say another word, love. I’ll be right over." She took a breath to stop him, but all she heard was the click of the telephone being hung up.

He must have broken every land speed record getting to her house. The Jag pulled into her driveway ten minutes later, and he got out wearing a dark blue double-breasted blazer and tan slacks. {The man truly has good taste, to be able to pick out an outfit like that without a woman’s advice.} Brenda had already made up her mind to tell him outside, since if she invited him in, he might try to change her mind for her. She came out and walked down the stairs of the porch, carefully helping Anthony negotiate the stairs himself. She had brought out a large rubber ball that he loved to play with to keep him occupied. She rolled it onto the front yard, and he followed it eagerly, vaulting his body at it to roll on the grass. He sat down happily in the grass, the ball between his legs. He gave Jax a slobbery grin as Jax leaned down to ruffle his hair before coming up to talk to Brenda.

Jax walked up to where Brenda stood. "Got him in training for the Mets someday?"

Brenda returned the smile. "Actually, I’m a Yankee fan myself." {This isn’t going to be easy.} "Thanks for coming by so quickly."

He walked slowly up to the porch, trying to guess from her appearance what her answer was. {D*mn, she’s got a good poker face.} He put his hands in his pockets so she wouldn’t see them trembling in nervousness.

"Jax, I’ve come to a decision about your proposal. I…"

Before she could get out another word, Anthony’s screams echoed through the air. Jax spun around to look for him, and Brenda came down into the yard. Apparently, Anthony had become adept at rolling the ball around the living room, and thought he would try out his new skills on the front yard. The grass was like a carpet, and the ball rolled easily. He ended up on the sidewalk, the ball in his chubby hands, standing happily for the world to see.

The bicycle riders came out of nowhere. There were about 6 of them, all pre-adolescents on mountain bikes. They should have been in church, but instead were going for a joy ride on a quiet Sunday morning. As Anthony stood in the middle of the sidewalk, they swarmed past him. Although they didn’t actually hit or touch him, the breeze they made as they went by ruffled his baby-fine hair. They had transistor radios blaring and were screaming the lyrics to some song at the top of their lungs. Although most of the old people in the neighborhood just viewed them as a nuisance, to Anthony, they were like giants mowing past him on huge monster machines. He screamed in abject terror. They went past him once, and then began to circle back to take another pass, obviously enjoying his fear.

"Anthony!" Brenda screamed. If she took off running, she could reach him just before they came back again. He looked at her when she called his name, and she could see the tears already spilling out of his eyes. She could see his entire body trembling in fear. She froze in place for a moment, and then began to run towards him.

Anthony, meanwhile, decided to seek safe haven himself. Brenda was about 15 feet away from him when he began to run. But then she stopped short, for Anthony whirled and didn’t run to her. He ran towards safety. He ran towards someone he trusted. Although the distance to his mother was decidedly shorter, and she had given him nothing but love and security for all of his short life, he ran in the opposite direction -- to Jax.

Jax was totally unprepared for the force of his tiny body hurtling at him. He leaned down just in time to scoop up the toddler into his arms. He could feel Anthony’s entire body shaking in fear, and it touched a nerve in him he didn’t even know he possessed. Jax immediately began to rub Anthony’s back, while the baby buried his face Jax’s neck.

Now Jax finally understood something his mother had told him years ago. A particularly spoiled cousin had come to visit the family, and Jax, being only 8 years old and a tease, had pushed her while playing tag. The cousin came in crying and accusing him of beating her up. Jax had thought at the time that he would surely be punished for this, even though the girl exaggerated the facts. But later, Lady Jane had sat him down and explained she understood what happened. She said she could tell that the girl was lying because she wasn’t crying "real tears."

Jax felt the collar of his shirt grow damp quickly. Obviously, Anthony had been truly terrified, because these definitely were "real tears." As he felt the toddler’s body quake and began to comprehend just how afraid the boy had been, Jax’s blue eyes opened wide and sparked with a determined fire. He tried to comfort Anthony, rubbing his back and cooing to him. "It’s OK, tiger. You’re safe now. I’m never gonna let anyone hurt you."

He walked down the driveway, his sharp eyes spying the guilty parties riding back up the street. Where they felt the need to ride on the sidewalk and terrify a small child before, they apparently had no qualms now about riding down the middle of the street. Jax stood at the bottom of the driveway, holding a still-sobbing Anthony, and when the bicyclists came near him, he put his top teeth against his bottom lip, whistling sharply.

"Yo!! Guys!!" He whistled again, and his face looked like a thundercloud. They slowed down, but didn’t stop. "Yo!! Gentlemen!" His voice commanded their presence in front of him, and they immediately complied. They formed a semi-circle around Jax and Anthony.

"Nice morning for a bike ride, is it guys?" Jax asked in a crisp voice. Nobody answered, as they all hung their heads. "I asked you fellas a question," he persisted.

Finally one of the riders looked at Jax with a long face. "We didn’t mean to scare your kid, mister."

Jax didn’t miss a beat. "You didn’t mean to scare him? What did you mean to do – tickle him? How do you think you big brave men look to a little guy his size? Riding past him at the speed of sound." Jax’s disgust was evident. "Didn’t your fathers ever teach you proper bicycle etiquette?"

One of the defendants looked at Jax sarcastically. "We’re not supposed to ride in the street, mister."

Jax laughed dryly. "Oh, yeah, I guess that’s because you young gentlemen probably just graduated from training wheels yesterday. And where do you suppose you were riding just now?"

The other five looked daggers at their friend, who had just gotten them into more trouble. Jax gave a sigh. "Now I think you guys better go home, and be glad I’m not your father, because if I were, you would be grounded for at least two weeks."

One of the other boys looked up at Jax. "Yes, sir."

Jax looked at the boy approvingly. "Now that’s the first intelligent thing I’ve heard any of you guys say so far this morning. Now get out of here." Jax watched as they turned tail and made their way up the street quickly. The hoodlums seemed relieved that none of their parents had seen the confrontation.

By this time, Anthony’s sobs had subsided to an occasional hiccup, but his face was still buried in Jax’s neck. Jax gave his back a rub and then a pat as he began walking over to where Brenda stood. "You’re OK now, tiger. I set those boys straight. I don’t think you’ll have to worry about them invading your sidewalk again for a long time." Jax smiled as the boy finally seemed to be relaxing. Anthony lifted his head little and rubbed his runny nose on Jax’s sportcoat as babies do. Jax stopped, looked at the shoulder, chuckled a little, and then proceeded to pat Anthony’s back a few more times. He was still looking at Anthony when he got to where Brenda stood. "He’s OK, Brenda. I think he was just more scared than anyth…."

Jax never finished the sentence, because he finally looked up and into Brenda’s eyes. They were brimming with tears and the softest shade of brown he had ever seen. They were warm, and loving, and they were looking at him.

{What’s that they say? "Out of the mouths of babes"? How could I have been so blind?} Brenda was reeling. Anthony had shown her in one instant this morning what she hadn’t realized in four days of deliberations. Brenda now realized that even if she could keep the memory of Louie alive for Anthony, that memory wouldn’t be there every day to save him from the bullies of the world. Anthony needed a live father, to protect him from bullies now and teach him not to be a bully later. A live father to teach him – what had Jax called it? -- proper bicycle etiquette. A live father to explain to him why burping the ABC’s probably wouldn’t impress the little red-haired girl he had a crush on, and to comfort him when that same little red-haired girl broke his heart years later.

Jax was trying to understand why Brenda’s eyes were so misty and glowing. "I believe those delinquents interrupted you. What were you about to say, Brenda?"

She looked at him, holding Anthony. How could she have not seen how much he loved her son, and how much Anthony already loved him? "I was going to say that if the offer still stands, I would be pleased to be your wife, Jax."

His face broke into a brilliant smile. He was still holding Anthony, but he put his free arm around Brenda and pulled her close. "You bet the offer still stands. I love you, Brenda. You’ve just made me the happiest man alive."

He leaned down and gave her a slow, delicious kiss, right there on the front lawn on a Sunday morning. Tongues danced, and Brenda’s soft, delicate hands reached up to frame Jax’s face. To save them from being embarrassed in front of the neighbors, Anthony reached out and slapped one hand against each of their faces, letting them know he felt left out of the celebration.

Jax ended the kiss, and looked at Anthony with a smile. He held him high up in the air, and the toddler squealed in delight. "Whadaya say, tiger? Your mommy just said yes! We’re gonna be a family!!"

To be continued….

*Author’s note: The plot device of having Anthony show Brenda the error of her ways is not mine, but comes from the original novel. In it, the toddler is scared by the barking of a hyper-active poodle puppy, and he chooses to run to Jax’s character. I have expanded the scene to include Jax’s interaction with the bicycle hoodlums, and I hope my adaptation conveys at least a fraction of the power of the original. It seems I can never read the original without crying.