Brenda felt the icy water streaming into the car, flooding up under her legs. She kept trying to scream but she just gulped more water. "NOOOOO!!!"

"Brenda, wake up!"

Brenda fought the hands at her shoulders, pushing away with all her might. She still couldn’t breathe. Maybe if she could just swim to the surface, she would be able to breathe again. She flailed her hands in the air, but then when they connected with hard, bare flesh, her eyes shot open.

Anguished crystal blue eyes looked back into hers in the darkened bedroom. Jax was sitting next to her on the bed, trying desperately to pull her to consciousness. "Brenda, you’re having a nightmare!"

Brenda’s chest was heaving as she realized that she wasn’t in her car. She wasn’t drowning. She looked around the room, and she remembered the new life and the "mission" God had given her that day.

{As you heal his heart, you’ll discover yours.}

But right now, Jax didn’t appear to be the one that needed healing.

Jax saw Brenda’s eyes begin to focus on things in the room – the windows overlooking the garden, the vanity table, the door to her walk-in closet, and finally on him. The only sound in the room was her panting hiccups – she had been sobbing hysterically when he heard her from his room next door.

"Ohhh, Jax…I’m …s….sor…sorry," Brenda stuttered, her breath still coming in gasps. "I never meant…..I woke….." She put her hands to her mouth and her eyes became even wider, if that was possible. "Oh, God…did I ……did I wake …..Jon?"

Jax glanced over at the portable crib which Jerry and Charles had erected in a far corner of the bedroom. "I don’t think so. It seems like his first day at home really tired him out." Jax looked back at Brenda, glancing down to realize that he was still gripping her forearms. "Are you OK now?"

Brenda caught his gaze and then noticed for the first time that he didn’t have a shirt on. He was wearing some kind of silk drawstring pajama bottoms, but no top. His pectoral muscles glistened in the moonlight as he flexed his arms to release his grip on her. "Fine. I’m …..ffff…fine."

Brenda cupped her hands to her mouth but she was still trembling. "Yeah, right…..you look fine." Jax reached over to grab a box of tissues off her nightstand and offered her one, which she gladly accepted. He took another tissue himself and began dabbing gently at her cheeks. "You were crying pretty hard. Must have been a heck of a nightmare."

Brenda nodded and placed the wadded tissue to her mouth. "It was."

"Want to talk about it?" Jax seemed uncertain, and Brenda suddenly realized he was taking a chance. He was reaching out to help her, not sure if the old Brenda would return to hurl it back in his face, like she had the drink on the videotape. But he re-positioned himself on the bed, drawing one leg up under him to sit on it, and then ran a hand softly down her arm. "I wasn’t really asleep yet, and I can be a pretty good listener."

{Careful, Brenda. You can’t really tell him what the nightmare was about. If you get into the whole drowning thing, he’ll start to think you’re crazy again.} "I think…..I think it was about the day I……when I……"

"….died?" Jax supplied softly.

Brenda nodded and hiccuped softly into her tissue again. "I was just kind of floating in the air, and it wasn’t a bad thing, you know?" Jax shifted his stance to lean back against the headboard of the bed, not putting his arm around her but sitting so close that his bare arm touched her skin. "There wasn’t any pain anymore, and there was this beautiful light."

Jax nodded. "So then, why was it so frightening?"

Brenda shook her head in confusion. "Somehow, when the dream went on, I didn’t come back." She turned to him with tears in her eyes. "I stayed …..dead, I guess. And I could hear the baby crying, and everyone was saying what a shame it was that the baby wouldn’t have a mother, and Jon kept crying, and it just……I just……." The tears started rolling down her cheeks again, even though she was lying. Brenda knew that she already loved Jon so much that the dream she *described* would have the same effect on her as the dream that she *had*.

Jax couldn’t take it anymore and he gathered her into his arms. "But you didn’t…..stay dead, as you put it. You came back, and you’re here, and both you and Jon are fine." As he comforted Brenda, she couldn’t help but snuggle into his embrace. She felt so safe in his arms. She instinctively moved to lay her head on his bare chest, and Jax caught his breath at the feel of it.

{This was a BAD idea, man. But what were you supposed to do? Let the woman cry? But it was obviously one h*ll of a nightmare. It would have been cruel to just let her go on.} Jax raised a tentative hand above Brenda’s head as she continued to quiet, and he finally took a chance and lowered it to gently stroke her hair. As they lay in the bed, Brenda’s breathing began to return to normal. The reassuring sound of Jax’s heartbeat lulled her back towards sleep.

Jax sat in the bed with Brenda for a few more minutes until he was sure that she was over the nightmare. He was trying to delicately slip out from beneath her body when Jon let out a piercing wail. Brenda immediately snapped awake, pushing herself up by placing one hand on Jax’s naked chest. "The baby? Did I wake the baby?"

"No, I think he woke up all on his own," Jax said ruefully. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and braced his hands against the side. "And I suppose he’s not going to go back to sleep until someone sees what he needs."

Brenda’s door opened just a crack wider and Robin poked her head through. "Sounds like the youngest member of the family wanted to join the party." Jax motioned her in the room and she entered, making her way towards the crib.

"He’s probably hungry." Brenda shifted a little in the bed as she pulled herself to a sitting position and massaged her breasts. "It feels like I’m full up again."

Robin walked toward the bed with Jon, who was fussing on her shoulder. "I think you’re right, mom. He’s ready for his midnight snack."

Jax looked awkwardly at the two women as Brenda began to unbutton her nightgown. Robin lay the baby in Brenda’s arm but Jon didn’t need any encouragement this time to begin nursing vigorously. "Well, since I’m about as helpful here as a fifth wheel, I guess I’ll just say goodnight…."

Brenda looked up at Jax, her eyes still wide and slightly watery. "You don’t have to go, you know." She stroked the baby’s hair lovingly. "You’re welcome to stay if you want – although you probably have important business stuff tomorrow and I’ve already deprived you of enough sleep."

"Important business stuff. Yeah – right." Jax clasped his hands in front of him. "Well, if you’re sure you’re alright now….."

Brenda nodded, her dark curls cascading down onto her shoulders. Jax could remember how silky they felt as they glided between his fingers. "Thanks. I feel much better now."

"Anytime." Jax couldn’t believe how easily the word slipped out. He backed out of the room as the only noise now to be heard were the happy sucking sounds coming from Jon. He stopped once more at the door to watch Brenda and Robin, who had perched on the bed and was smiling and talking to his wife.

Jax closed the door behind him, running his fingers through his hair before using the same hand to scratch his head in frustration. {What’s the *matter* with you, man? You’re letting her get to you again.} He looked back at the closed door and stroked an open hand down it. {She won’t stay that way. She’ll get her memory back, and she’ll go back to him, and then you’ll have nothing.} Sighing aloud, Jax turned and went back to his own bedroom.

*~*~*~*

Brenda descended the stairs around 8:30 the next morning to find Charles busily polishing a table in the entryway. "Good morning, Charles." She looked around and then shyly chewed her lower lip. "Am I too late for breakfast?"

"Good morning, Mrs. Jacks," Charles replied with gusto. "And you’re not late at all." He leaned towards her with an air of confidentiality. "You never exactly *were* a breakfast person."

"Um-hmm…." Brenda nodded and rocked back and forth as she clasped her hands behind her. "And how about Mr. Jacks? Is *he* a breakfast person?"

Charles set his dusting cloth and the can of wax down on the table and crooked his finger at Brenda. She followed him through the hallway and the den until he opened a large set of double doors. "You see that pathway?" he asked, pointing straight ahead. "If you follow that, it will lead you to the pool. Mr. Jacks often enjoys a swim first thing in the morning." He leaned closer to Brenda, whispering in her ear. "I heard Marjorie mention that Mr. Jacks asked her to serve him breakfast poolside today."

"I would consider it an honor, madam," Charles replied. Brenda gave him an enthusiastic thumbs-up, and as he closed the doors behind her, Brenda never heard the happy little tune Charles whistled as he returned to his waxing.

Brenda followed the pathway as it wound through beautiful rose gardens. She turned back towards the house once, as she realized that she was probably close to the spot where Jax had met that woman that Lois disliked so much the day before. {What was her name? Miranda?} She was beginning to wonder if Charles had given her bad directions when she heard the sounds of splashing and smelled chlorine.

Making one more right turn, Brenda emerged into a clearing that led to some concrete steps going downhill. She followed the steps and finally was rewarded with the sight of an Olympic-size pool, the same one she had seen when she and Jax had first arrived at the house the day before.

Brenda stopped for a moment before she opened the large gate leading to the pool. She ran a critical hand over her hair, which she had let loose on her shoulders that morning in her rush to get downstairs. Then she smoothed the crinkled cotton, ankle-length white sundress that she had managed to find near the bottom of one of "her" dresser drawers. Taking a deep breath, she pulled the gate open and went through into the bright morning sunshine.

Jax never noticed that anyone else was on the deck of the pool. He was so busy doing laps that he only barely heard the creaking of the metal gate. Assuming that it was Marjorie with his breakfast, he continued to swim. Maybe it would help to clear his head.

It had taken him a long time the night before to go back to sleep. All he could think of was the way Brenda’s eyes had looked – so much like Brooke, when she had been afraid of the fireworks one 4^th of July, except for the color, of course. He was sure that Brenda had been experiencing a bad dream – she had been so deeply asleep that he had to shake her hard to finally bring her back to reality. But he somehow doubted that she was telling him *everything* that had scared her so badly in the dream.

Brenda watched from the side of the pool as Jax’s long arms and strong hands cleaved the water. She decided that he must have had some kind of professional swim training. He barely caused a drop of water to splash as he cut the water in clean strokes, heading for the front of the pool. When he reached it, he dove quickly beneath the surface, only to re-emerge going the opposite way. Brenda had only seen championship swimmers execute such flawless turns before.

Jax must have decided that he had done enough for the morning and he finally slowed his pace as he reached the end of the pool nearest her. Brenda gasped softly as he pulled himself up out of the water to sit briefly on the side of the pool to catch his breath before he rose to his feet. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on the man’s body, from his broad shoulders to his narrow waistline and hips to his long, lean legs. His manhood was barely concealed beneath the miniscule black Speedo swimsuit he wore.

Jax grabbed for a towel that lay on a chair near the side of the pool. Brenda stood transfixed, mesmerized by every little movement he made. As he stood with his back to her, he threw the towel around his shoulders and pulled it back and forth in a seesaw motion. Then, he pulled the towel up to drape it around his neck and, snatching another one from the chair, wrapped it around his waist while he turned towards the spot where she was.

"Thanks, Marjorie -- you can just put the stuff on the table and I’ll take...." Jax finally looked up to find a smiling Brenda instead of his breakfast. He blushed and glanced down at his lap, pulling the towel more securely around his waist. "You’re not Marjorie!" he said with a sheepish, little-boy smile.

"Sorry -- I didn’t realize you didn’t want to be disturbed." Brenda put her hands behind her back and chewed on her lip, feeling like an intruder for the second time that morning.

Jax pulled on the ends of the towel around his neck, trying to fight feelings of embarrassment. {What’s the *matter* with you, Jax? She’s your wife! You two made a baby together!} But when he looked into Brenda’s eyes, he saw a physical hunger there that he hadn’t seen for almost 18 months. {Is she actually checking me out?} "I .....uh....didn’t mean it that way." He swept an arm towards the wrought-iron table near her. "Would you......would you care to join me for breakfast?"

Brenda shrugged and it warmed his heart somehow to see her face glow with happiness. "I’d love to -- thanks." She went to stand by the table and Jax stood hesitantly by his own chair before he remembered his manners. He grunted and then ran to her side of the table, pulling out her chair and then pushing her in once she was seated. She inclined her head towards the pool as he took a seat opposite her. "Looks like you were working pretty hard out there."

Jax sat down with a laugh. "Had you fooled, huh?" He took the towel from around his shoulders and rubbed his hair briskly. "I just like to come out here first thing in the morning to swim -- it helps me see things more clearly sometimes." Brenda nodded in understanding as Marjorie finally showed up.

"I’m sorry, Mr. Jacks," she said, giving Brenda a frosty look. "I wasn’t aware Mrs. Jacks was joining you this morning. Should I bring another tray?"

Brenda cut Jax off before he could answer, placing her hand on Marjorie’s arm. "Oh, no, thanks. I’ll just have some of whatever he’s having." Brenda shrugged happily again and propped her elbows on her chair as Marjorie’s eyes doubled in size. She looked to Jax, but he just lifted an eyebrow.

"If that what Mrs. Jacks wants, that’s what she’ll have. Thanks, Marjorie." The confused cook turned and left the pool area, shaking her head at the "crazy rich people." Brenda got the distinct feeling that she wasn’t Marjorie’s favorite person. She knew she was defrosting Charles’ attitude towards her, and she wondered why the cook hated her so.

{Oh, well. Maybe I can talk to Charles when we go for that walk this afternoon. Maybe he’ll give me some clues.} She sat back and sighed aloud. "So -- what are we having this morning?"

Jax took the tea towel off the tray Marjorie had brought. "Yogurt, bananas, granola, and my own personal favorite – a health shake." He looked up at her with a challenge glistening in his eyes. "My own personal recipe for the health shake, by the way." He grinned at her. "Sound yummy?"

"Should it?"

"You usually hate it." Jax sat back in the chair, his legs spread wide apart, his hands folded at his waist.

Brenda leaned forward and sniffed delicately at the bowl of yogurt. "Smells like pineapple." She dipped a finger sensually in the bowl and then put it to her lips, sucking delicately and closing her eyes. "Not bad," she allowed, but then she took a look at the creamy green liquid in the large crystal glass and grimaced a little. "Maybe I’ll just start with the yogurt and bananas and work my way up to the shake tomorrow."

Jax gave her a wary look but began to spoon some yogurt into two bowls. "Did you get back to sleep OK last night?"

Brenda nodded, watching intently as he began to peel a banana. "Nursing Jon always seems to have a calming effect on me." She looked back up at the house. "He’s sleeping now -- I hope he didn’t wake you when he was crying earlier this morning."

"He was crying?" Jax looked surprised but then he stopped slicing banana abruptly and paled. "Is he OK?"

Brenda nodded. "Robin says he’s fine. Just some gas that didn’t come out before he tried to drift back off to sleep." She accepted a bowl from Jax and dipped her spoon in, scooping up a large slice of banana. "You know, I was thinking about the christening...."

Jax froze, his spoon hanging between his bowl and his mouth. "I’m really sorry about that," he said, setting the spoon back down in the bowl. "I never should have scheduled something like that without consulting you. Not after all you’ve been through in the past ten days."

{You’re not just whistling Dixie there, Ace.} "It’s fine -- really it is, Jax. I *want* Jon to be christened, and I want everything to get back to normal in our lives."

Jax chewed more slowly and then swallowed hard. "Yes, I imagine you do." His voice had suddenly turned cold. "So…..are you seeing *him* tonight? Did the videotapes suddenly spark some memories for you?"

Brenda realized what he thought she meant. "Jax -- no." She put her spoon down and rested her forehead in her hand, her elbow on the table. "Jax, I didn’t mean that I wanted our marriage to go back to the way it was before. I never meant....." She sighed loudly and then put her knuckle to her lip, which was starting to quiver.

"Brenda..." Jax shook his head and swore softly. "I’m sorry, too. It’s just that this is so bloody confusing for me, too, you know. I just....." Brenda turned to him with damp eyes. "It’s just that I’m not .......well, I never know which Brenda I’m married to." He tried to laugh a little and gestured towards her bowl. "Like the yogurt." He shook his head. "Other than on our honeymoon, I don’t think you *ever* were willing to share my morning yogurt with me."

"I take it I wasn’t too fond of your health shakes, either?" Her eyes were beginning to sparkle with devilment again.

"Hated the bloody things with a passion." Jax took a shaky breath and smiled. "OK. Let’s try starting that discussion all over again. We both agree that Jon should be christened, correct?"

"Correct." Brenda spooned up another mouthful of yogurt, daintily pushing a large slice of banana back on her spoon before placing it in her mouth.

"So the real question is -- are you up to it physically?"

Brenda shrugged. "I don’t know. I mean, what are we talking about? A 12 hour gala for 150 of our *closest* friends -- none of whom I remember, by the way," she replied cynically, "or a 3 hour get-together for just the immediate family and friends?"

Jax smiled in understanding. "I’d say the 3-hour description more closely fits the bill."

"Then I’d say let’s go for it," Brenda replied enthusiastically, holding out her glass so Jax could pour her some orange juice. "I guess that orchid guy from the hospital would be there -- Stefan, did you say his name was?"

Jax nodded. "Yep. He lives in the house over there." Jax pointed over his left shoulder. "He’s not married, but he has several significant others who rotate places regularly at the head of the hit parade."

"Do I like him?" Brenda rose a little in her seat, craning her neck to try to get a view of his house.

"He teases you unmercifully, so -- no, not most of the time."

"And your mom and dad, of course," Brenda added, checking an imaginary list in the air with her finger. "And Lois and Jerry and Brooke." She paused and blushed a little. "Uh….I don’t quite know how to say this…."

Jax leaned back and held his breath. "Go ahead."

"Do ….. do *I* have any family?" Tears began to gather in her eyes again, partially out of guilt. Since this whole nightmare began, Brenda "Barrett" hadn’t even given a thought to her estranged sister, Julia. She hadn’t thought about how the news of her "death" might have affected Julia, or whether or not Julia would have flown in from London for her "funeral."

Jax sighed a little in relief. "Your dad left you and your mom when you were about 6 months old, I think. You were an only child." He folded his hands gently in his lap. "You and your mom sort of lost touch before we met. I think you told me she’s an exotic dancer somewhere in Las Vegas." He sat up straight again. "Anyway, you always told me that I was the only family you ever had." {*And* ever needed.}

Brenda nodded, a little saddened somehow at the information. "So," she said, trying to lighten the mood again, "if there isn’t any family from my side we’ll be inviting, who else would be coming?"

Jax swallowed some of his health shake and wiped his lips with his napkin. "Some other friends of mine, Ned and Alexis Ashton and Simon and V Prentiss."

"V? She doesn’t have a name -- just an initial?"

"It’s short for Venus, but she prefers to be called by the initial."

"I can see why," Brenda replied dryly. "And who are the Ashtons?"

"Ned’s a business associate of mine. He’s got family back East somewhere. Actually, he’s been trying to get me involved in a project he and his family have to renovate some docks property there."

"Business?" Brenda wiped her lips with a napkin and took another drink of orange juice. "I’m sorry -- this must seem really ridiculous to you, but I have no idea what kind of *business* you do."

"It’s a family business, really," Jax said, leaning back in his chair and pulling the towel from around his neck to rest it on the table. "J&J Jacks of Alaska originally. Now dad’s turned it over to Jerry and I to run from here in LA. We have our fingers in a lot of pies, but we specialize in corporate takeovers." Brenda gave him a confused shrug. "You know – we chop big companies into little ones, re-sell them, and make obscene amounts of money doing it." He sighed as he stared at his glass of juice. "I’m sure Addie will go through my Rolodex and find about 100 other *close* friends that we should invite, but I’ll tell her to keep it to a minimum."

"Addie?" Brenda couldn’t help the sharp jealous tone in her voice when she heard the woman’s name.

Jax chuckled. "Brenda, Addie’s my secretary and she’s about 55 years old." He leaned forward. "But believe me -- telling her that you were jealous of her will make her day!"

"Well, maybe you’d better invite her to the christening so I can make *sure* you’re telling the truth!" Brenda teased, tossing her napkin into Jax’s lap. Her face grew serious. "There’s still something we haven’t discussed, though."

Jax’s face fell. {That’s it. The names have sparked something and it’s coming back to her.} "What?"

"Who the godparents are going to be, silly!" Jax visibly relaxed when he heard her words. "How about Lois and Jerry?"

Jax gulped. "Really? Why?"

"Well, for starters, they’re the only people I know so far," Brenda teased. "But seriously, I don’t think I could ask for any other two people who would love Jon as much as I love him." She turned liquid velvet brown eyes on Jax. "I think they would be just about perfect, don’t you?"

"Perfect." He nodded quietly. The only sounds in the morning air were the chirping birds and the soft bubbling of the swimming pool pump. Their eyes met across the table, and Jax had the distinct feeling that they had been hurled back in time to their wedding day. {Is that.....could she ......naw, she couldn’t, could she?}

Brenda felt it, too. She was suddenly very much aware of the fact that water still glistened on his bare chest -- the very chest where she had rested her head just six hours earlier. She remembered how comforting it felt to have his strong arms around her, and how falling asleep to his heartbeat felt so amazing.

Neither one of them was ready to break the peaceful, magical silence until someone else did it for them. "BRENDAAAAA!!!!"

Brenda swiveled in her chair to look behind her. A tall, blonde woman was rushing through the gate towards her, teetering precariously on high platform sandals. Her bolero-style halter top barely contained her generous bosom and her short shorts couldn’t have fit much tighter. Brenda turned back to Jax. "Who in the heck is that?" she asked in a quietly awed monotone.

Jax sighed and grabbed behind him for a white terrycloth robe. "Probably someone you’ll want to invite to the christening, my dear," he said frostily.

The banshee descended the steps, still squealing Brenda’s name. "For God’s sake, why?"

"Because that, my dear wife, is your best friend in the whole world," Jax replied bitterly. "*That* -- is Carly Roberts."

To be continued......

Author’s note: Just when you thought you understood the story, now I’ll be adding more characters! According to THIS story, Brenda "Barrett" never knew Ned, Lois, Robin, Alexis, or Stefan in Port Charles. They live in California. The only GH characters in this story who live in Port Charles (so far) are Sonny and Veronica Barrett (deceased). Carly and Jason also live in California, there’s no baby Michael, and Jason doesn’t work for Sonny. Once Brenda and Jax reconcile, the story will shift back to Port Charles as Jax goes there for business and Brenda Barrett Jacks confronts Sonny. Of course, he won’t have a clue who she is since BBJ looks NOTHING like Brenda Barrett.