"Bimbo tramp!!!"

Brenda failed to stifle the gasp that escaped her lips. "Excuse me?"

The blue-eyed mystery woman then turned to Brenda and her eyes grew a little less frosty. "Well, what *else* would you call that ….." She groped for a polite word. "……*witch* out there?" She turned back to the window, crossed her arms, and clucked her tongue in disapproval. "Comin’ on to Jax while his wife’s inside, barely recuperated from almost dyin’ while havin’ his kid!"

Brenda felt a jealous pang in her heart and tried not to let it show. "So you think she’s ....after....Jax?"

"Why wouldn’t she be?" The brunette shook her head in disgust. "Miranda’s been shakin’ her behind at Jax for some time now. I guess she figured that since *you* were foolin’ around, Jax wouldn’t mind doin’ the same thing. So when she heard that you had a rough time during the delivery, she musta thought she could come over here and make some hay while the sun was shinin’." Then, the brunette looked a little embarrassed at her frank revelations. "I mean....Oh, I shouldn’t have said that about the sun shinin’ -- when you died, I mean....."

Jon began to whimper a little and Brenda bounced him on her shoulder gently. "No offense taken." Brenda lifted one eyebrow at the woman as she continued to shoot daggers at the interloper through the window. "So....if you know that sh....I....died, then you must know that I’m.....that I......"

"Probably don’t know me from Eve, right?" The woman smiled at Brenda and the entire room seemed to light up. Brenda nodded in relief. "I’m your sister-in-law.....Lois Jacks. Well, Lois Cerullo Jacks, to be precise. I’m married to Jax’s brother, Jerry."

"Ohhhh, you’re the one who told Jax about Robin....you had her for your baby nurse, too!" Brenda began to shift her weight from side to side a little as Jon still wasn’t quieting down.

"You remember??!!" Lois’s face almost split apart with joy, but Brenda reached out to grab Lois’s arm.

"No!" Lois’s face fell with disappointment. "I mean .... I’m sorry, but Robin told me about you when I was in the hospital. She said she was hired because Jax requested her, based on your recommendation."

"Well, I’m sure you’ll remember some stuff soon," Lois replied, looking a little hesitantly at Jon. He continued to whimper and shift uncomfortably on Brenda’s shoulder. Lois put out her hands towards the baby. "May I?"

"Oh, yes, please!" Brenda apologized. "I’m sorry I didn’t offer you a chance to hold your new nephew sooner!"

Lois took the baby from her, cooing at him and sending a smile with her eyes to the baby’s heart. He quieted a little as she put him to her shoulder and rubbed circles on his back. Her blue eyes then turned back to Brenda acutely. "Wow -- Jax wasn’t kiddin’ when he told Jerry that you weren’t back to your old self yet."

Brenda almost dropped the burp cloth she was arranging on Lois’s shoulder. "I’m sorry?"

Jon let out a loud wail of unhappiness before the women could continue the discussion. "What’s the matter, tweedie pie?" Lois crooned. "Now, don’t tell Aunt Lois you’re gonna be a sad sack! After all, your cousin Brookie was such a happy baby....." As she was chattering away at the infant, Lois snuck a finger inside his diaper and then smiled at Brenda. "Aha! That’s the problem!"

"Wet diaper?" Brenda already was walking towards the diaper bag.

"Soaked." Lois followed her. "Got any more in there?"

"A few." Brenda looked at the floor above her. "Did sh......I set up a nursery for the baby before.....I mean....."

"No. You didn’t." Lois’s eyes suddenly had gone cold again. "I guess you don’t remember that you said you’d take care of that after you got home."

Brenda chewed her lower lip. "No, I don’t." She looked around and spied a large maple desk. She grabbed the diaper bag, swung it over her shoulder, and then headed for the desk. "Here -- let’s use this for now."

Lois swallowed hard. "Jax’s desk? You’re gonna change him on Jax’s….desk?"

Brenda turned back in surprise. "Well, we don’t have a changing table yet, and I really don’t think I’m up to crawling around on the floor on my hands and knees yet." Lois just shrugged her shoulders, but then frowned in amazement as she followed Brenda to the prized piece of furniture. "Besides, my heart’s just going to break if I have to listen to him unhappy for much longer."

When Brenda used one arm to sweep everything on the desk off to one side, Lois couldn’t help but remember the time Charles had forgotten to wax the desk and Brooke had gotten a fingerprint on it. Jax had to spend major dollars at the jewelry store to appease Brenda that time. Lois’s eyes narrowed again as Brenda pulled out the small changing pad from the diaper bag and a disposable diaper. "Come on, my sweet baby. Mommy’s gonna give you a nice fresh diaper so Aunt Lois can see how happy you are when you’re dry." Lois handed the baby to Brenda, who began unsnapped the bottom of the onesie and pushed it up around the baby’s hips. As her fingers deftly undid the adhesive tabs of the diaper and replaced it with a dry one, Lois watched her with a critical eye.

"You’re good at that," she remarked in a surprised voice.

Brenda gave her a warm smile. "I had a good teacher. Robin’s a very patient woman. And I had those extra days in the hospital, so this is *one* thing that I’m actually pretty good at!" She re-snapped Jon’s onesie and picked him up again, placing him on her shoulder. "How’s that now, precious? Does that make you happy again?"

Jon’s silence gave Brenda the answer she wanted. Lois continued to watch Brenda with the baby. {She’s different, alright. *Real* different.} Both women looked up as Jax came back into the room. "I’m sorry about that…." He never finished his sentence as his eyes met Lois’s and guilt filled them.

"Yeah – sorry. I just *bet* you’re sorry." Lois shook her head in disapproval and crossed her arms.

"Don’t go there now, Lois," Jax warned, coming over to Brenda and the baby. He gave Brenda a smile but she felt a sharp pain when she realized it still wasn’t as warm as the one he had given to the brunette that Lois disliked so much. "How’s Jon?"

"John?" Lois looked from Jax to Brenda with surprise.

"Brenda named the baby," Jax nodded, sticking his hands in his pockets. "Jonathan Jasper Jacks."

"Lois has been telling me a lot of things," Brenda replied, swaying back and forth with Jon, who had become very quiet. Jax glared at Lois, but she just raised her hands in a "who, me?" gesture. "Including the fact that we have a *big* problem. Lois says that sh……I didn’t set up a nursery for the baby before he was born."

Jax nodded grimly and went to the bar at the side of the room. He took a glass and began adding ice cubes to it. "I’m sure that if you call Nieman’s and give them your name, they can send out a whole roomful of the stuff you’ll need. You *are* one of their best customers, after all."

Brenda peeked back at the baby, who had closed his eyes and was sleeping soundly on her shoulder. "I don’t want to order furniture for his room over the phone, Jax, and I don’t want some hoity-toity personal shopper pick things out for me. I want to do it myself." She saw that her comment stopped Jax in mid-pour. "And right now, this little guy wants nothing more than a bed to sleep in, and he doesn’t have one!"

Lois smiled smugly at Jax, who seemed to be at a loss for words. "Well – what do you think we should do, Jax?" Brenda continued. "After all, he’s *your* son, too. And I *thought* you cared about him."

Jax swallowed hard but then set down the glass with a rattle. "I *do* care about him, Brenda, it’s just that I’m not used to you being so…..I mean, you always seemed so blasé about the baby…."

Lois finally cleared her throat loudly. "’Ya know, we’ve still got Brooke’s baby bed, and she doesn’t need it anymore." She looked back and forth between Jax and Brenda, who seemed hesitant. "Just temporarily, I mean. Until you can go pick somethin’ out for him."

"That would be *wonderful*, don’t you think so, Jax? At least until I feel strong enough to go out and get him some proper furniture." Brenda started walking around in circles, talking while she did. "And some clothes. He’ll definitely need more onesies than he’s got."

"I might have some old ones of Brooke’s – I packed ‘em away in the attic," Lois offered.

"You’re truly a lifesaver, Lois," Brenda said warmly. Jax stood watching the interchange with his mouth hanging wide open. Although Lois always let him know in no uncertain terms that she disapproved of Miranda, she had never taken a liking to Brenda, either. Usually, Lois and Brenda would come to verbal blows if the two women were in the same room for more than ten minutes. But then, Brenda interrupted his thoughts. "Jax!" She snapped her fingers at him. "Jax! Did you hear what I said?"

"No, I’m sorry, Brenda." He put the glass down and walked back over to her.

"Lois said that she and your brother could bring the baby bed and some extra clothes over tonight. Maybe they could have dinner with us or something – and let their daughter meet her new cousin, too!"

Lois had a sudden coughing fit. Usually, Brooke was only allowed in her Uncle Jax and Aunt Brenda’s house when Aunt Brenda wasn’t around. Jax turned Brenda back to him. "Are you sure you feel up to company?"

"Yeah, I do." Her gaze bounced back and forth between Jax and Lois, who both seemed overwhelmed by her comments. "Of course, I don’t know what I’ll be serving, what with taking care of the baby and all."

Lois came to put an arm around Brenda. "Honey, you *really* don’t remember anythin’, do ‘ya? Marjorie takes care of the cookin’ and cleanin’ and stuff in the big house."

"Oh, yeah – I should have known." Brenda tried to laugh a little, but she suddenly grew very nervous. {You’ve been running off at the mouth again, Brenda. You can’t be so sure you know how the other Brenda would have behaved.} "You know," she said, moving towards a chair, "I think I’m getting a little tired, now that you mention it." She sat down awkwardly and looked at Jax. "I know this is going to sound crazy, but……I don’t know the way to m……our room."

Jax crouched down in front of her. "Your room is the first one on the right at the top of the stairs, Brenda. We haven’t shared the same room for quite a while now, especially after you found out you were pregnant."

"Right." Brenda didn’t know whether to be disappointed or relieved. She had secretly worried about the accommodations once they got home. {You barely know the man! What if you need to sleep in the same bed? But surely if she had been having an affair, they wouldn’t have been sharing a bed, would they?} "I think I should have tried to make those stairs sooner. Unless you’ve got an elevator in this place."

Jax chewed his lower lip for a minute. "Lois, could you take Jon and carry him upstairs for us?" Lois nodded gleefully and took the baby from Brenda, who looked totally confused. Just as she opened her mouth to ask what was going on, Jax swept her into his arms and against his chest. "One elevator, coming up."

As he walked briskly from the den and towards a large central staircase, Brenda protested and pushed against him weakly. "Jax! Put me down! You can’t carry me up and down the stairs all the time!"

"I don’t intend to." Jax quickly mounted the stairs carrying his wife while Lois trailed behind carrying her nephew. "I’m sure that in a few days, you’ll be stronger and you can manage them just fine by yourself."

As they got to the top, Jax stopped for a moment and glanced over his shoulder to make sure Lois was behind them. When his eyes came back to rest on Brenda, he caught her studying him intently. "Something wrong?"

Her hands tightened on the back of his neck. "No – nothing at all." In fact, Brenda was rather enjoying being in his arms. She felt a security and warmth she had never felt when Sonny took her in his arms.

As Jax continued to walk towards the first door and kicked it open with his foot, she seized the opportunity to study his face up-close. The color of his eyes was as changeable as the color of the sky in the springtime. One minute, they appeared to be cornflower blue, but the next they could cloud over and turn very gray and wistful. The cleft in his chin was pronounced but was an identical match to the one in Jon’s – just larger. When Jax smiled at her once, Brenda hoped that Jon would have also gotten his father’s dimples.

"Well, here we are." His announcement brought her out of her mental inventory of his good looks. Brenda looked around at the room and was tempted to frown immediately. The other Brenda must have had a penchant for ostentatious luxury. The entire room was done in white, with gold trim everywhere. Her bed was a large, four-poster with a flat canopy above it. The bedspread and ruffle on the canopy were white organza. The triple dresser had gold drawer pulls and knobs. There was an overstuffed lounge chair of white silk moire in the corner with a matching ottoman. A white marble vanity table and matching bench occupied the wall near a door to what appeared to be the bathroom. "Anything look familiar to you?"

{Other than something out of the pages of Extravagance Monthly?} Brenda smiled sheepishly. "I’m afraid not. And although the service is certainly luxurious, I think you can put me down now." Jax surprised Brenda again when he almost looked regretful about letting her out of his arms. Once she was solidly on her feet again, Brenda turned to Lois, who still held her sleeping son. "Lois – do you think that, temporarily, we could just put Jon in the middle of my bed and put a lot of towels and pillows around him? Babies don’t seem to move around a lot when they’re this young, and he needs somewhere to sleep until tonight."

Lois raised an eyebrow. "On *that* bed?"

"Yeah. Why not?" Brenda was already walking over to Lois to take her son back into her arms.

"Well," Lois shook her shoulders a little as Brenda removed the sleeping infant. "It’s just that babies have accidents sometimes, and your bed is so…..I mean, you were always so particular about…..I mean, it’s …well, it’s white, and all."

"I think it’s worth the risk," Brenda smiled and as she lay the baby down in the center of the bed, Lois stole a look at Jax. He looked just as shocked as she felt. But then Lois sprang into action, going into the bathroom and retrieving some bath towels that they used to build a small buffer around the sleeping baby. Once they were convinced that he couldn’t roll off the bed somehow in his sleep, Jax pulled Lois by the arm.

"I imagine you might want to get some rest, too, Brenda. If you want to take a nap, I can come up and wake you when dinner’s ready." Jax was pulling Lois towards the door as the other woman was reluctant to leave the room.

"That would be nice. Thanks." Brenda was secretly pleased that she would have some time alone. She could explore the drawers and closets of the room and perhaps gain more insights as to what kind of person Brenda Jacks had been.

"Jerry and I’ll bring that stuff tonight…..we’ll see you at dinner," she called to Brenda as Jax closed the door behind them. Jax continued to pull her down the hallway towards the stairs and she finally yanked her arm from his grasp. "What’s the rush, Jax? Is little Miss Hot Pants Miranda waitin’ in the garden for ‘ya or somethin’?"

"I told you before, Lois, don’t start on Miranda," Jax growled as they descended the main staircase together.

"I thought that was just because Brenda was in the room," Lois replied. They got to the bottom of the stairs and she grabbed his arm, stopping him abruptly. "But she’s not here now. It’s just you and me." She tapped her foot in a scolding fashion. "So just what did you have to tell Miranda that couldn’t wait until Brenda wasn’t around?"

"I didn’t call her," Jax said in a tired voice, walking towards the den again. "She came over to see me." Lois pulled at Jax’s arm again and when he turned to her, she raised her eyebrows critically. "Just to congratulate me on my new son," Jax continued as they entered the den."

"Oh, yeah, that’s the way *I* always congratulate my friends on their new kids, too." Lois’s words were dripping with venom as she followed him into the den. "I just don’t understand you, Jax." He returned to the bar and finished pouring himself the drink he had begun earlier. "It’s just like my ma always used to say – two wrongs don’t make a right, and just because Brenda was unfaithful to you, it doesn’t mean that you have to be unfaithful to her."

"I *haven’t* been unfaithful to Brenda!" Jax cried, almost choking on his drink.

"Not for lack of Miranda tryin’," Lois replied, grabbing her purse from a chair and heading for the door.

"Miranda is just an old friend," Jax said with a sigh. "She’s been a good listener when I needed one – that’s all."

"Yeah, you just keep tellin’ yourself that, Jax," Lois said as she closed the door behind her, "That – and how that cow’s gonna jump over the moon any night now!"

Jax grimaced and shook his head but before he could argue with Lois any further, she had closed the door and left him alone with his drink. And his confusion about his new son – and *very* new wife.

Meanwhile, Brenda Barrett was silently exploring the bedroom that Brenda Jacks had decorated and slept in for over a year. After making sure that Jax and Lois had gone downstairs and that Jon was sleeping soundly, Brenda went to the dresser and began opening some of the drawers. She didn’t find anything out of the ordinary -- one drawer contained nothing but matching sets of panties and bras. One drawer was devoted to hose -- Brenda discovered her that in her previous life, she had preferred thigh-high hose to pantyhose. {Geez, the woman must have spent a fortune at Victoria’s Secret alone.} As she opened another, larger drawer, she discovered it was the nightgown drawer. On the top lay the tickets Jax had mentioned for Brazil.

Brenda carefully set them to the side and began to dig in the drawer. She wrinkled her nose in distaste -- all the gowns were low cut and made of diaphanous silk. {Didn’t this woman *ever* just want to snuggle up in her flannel jammies on a cold, snowy.......duh, Brenda! This is California! It never *gets* cold and snowy!} She continued to rummage through the drawer and was amazed that Jax was able to find the discreet gowns he had brought her in the hospital. Apparently they were the only ones she had that were suitable for viewing by hospital personnel.

Sighing aloud, Brenda pushed all the drawers back and turned to a large door. She glanced once back at the bed, but Jon was still out like a light. She opened the door as quietly as she could, and had to cover her mouth with her hand when she saw the walk-in closet that it revealed. It was larger than the room she had slept in back in Port Charles.

Brenda wandered into the closet, switching on the lights and partway closing the door behind her. As she began to push dresses from side to side on the rod, she discovered another thing about Brenda Jacks. {The woman dressed like she was constantly on the make.} Every dress was either cut down to her navel in the front or past her waistline in the back. There were at least a dozen evening dresses, elaborate sequined gowns in impossibly small sizes, that still had the store tags hanging on them. As she moved further back in the closet, she found a jewelry armoire with at least a dozen drawers, the top three of which were locked. Brenda stopped short and caught her breath when she got to the back of the closet. Hanging next to the endless array of evening dresses was a man’s white dinner jacket and formal black trousers. She pulled it out and closed her eyes, imagining how Jax would look in it. As she held it close to her, she could even smell his cologne lingering in the fabric, probably from the last time he had worn it.

Brenda shook her head and hung the formal wear back, walking out of the closet after turning out the light. She wandered towards the vanity table and sat down gingerly on the stool – she felt like a little girl who sits at her mother’s makeup table without permission. Brenda picked up a delicate glass perfume bottle but when she held it to her nose, she backed away and scrunched up her nose in disgust. The scent was cloying and sweet – definitely not something Brenda *Barrett* would have worn. She opened a large display box and found eye shadow in every shade imaginable. There were at least a dozen tubes of lipstick, but when Brenda opened one, she found that Brenda Jacks had only preferred bright shades of red. Not a pink or a mauve in the lot. She closed the makeup box and her hand was drawn to a small, cut glass container. As she delicately lifted the top, she gasped aloud and had to turn around to make sure Jon was still sleeping. Setting the top aside, she lifted the most exquisite wedding set she had ever seen out of the box.

Both rings were platinum and they were soldered together as a set. The centerpiece of the engagement ring was a marquis diamond that Brenda guessed was at least 3 carats. Tiny baguettes formed a skirt around the top half of the diamond, with the wedding ring containing the baguettes that circled the bottom half. As she turned it in the light, hues of red, blue, and yellow shot from the ring’s center stone. As she slipped it onto her hand, she had to fight the feeling that she was an interloper.

{Why do you feel so guilty, Brenda? It *is* your ring, after all.} The engagement ring that Sonny had given her must have been washed away when the car went into the water, because when she awoke in the hospital as Brenda Jacks, it was gone. Brenda turned her hand this way and that in the afternoon sunlight, making the fire dance from it again. {It even fits!} Brenda put her hand down on her lap and shook her head. {Well, duh, Brenda – of course it fits!! After all, these aren’t *your* fingers anymore!}

Brenda kept the ring on but carefully replaced the lid of the ring box on the vanity. Then, she turned and spied another piece of furniture -- a chest of drawers. She rose from the dressing table and went to it, making sure Jon was still sleeping and hadn’t moved. When she opened one of the drawers, she finally squealed softly in delight. She picked up several pair of blue jeans and held them to her like they were gold. Then, she frowned when she realized that she probably still wouldn’t fit into them since she was living in the body of a woman who had given birth to a baby less than a week ago. {Yeah, but this gal must have thought of that, too!} Digging deeper, she was rewarded with two pair of jeans in larger sizes, the tags still hanging on them.

{Mission accomplished. Something to wear to dinner tonight.} Brenda rooted through another drawer and frowned, but then when she turned back to the closet, her face lit with an idea. She heard a noise out in the hallway and when she went to the door, she was delighted to see Charles. "Umm....Charles? Could you help me with something?"

The servant turned around and looked shocked that Mrs. Jacks actually *asked* him to do anything. He was more accustomed to her ordering him around. "Yes, Mrs. Jacks?"

"I’m....um....trying to find some things to wear to dinner tonight ....with Jax’s brother and his wife....."

"If one of your gowns is still at the cleaners, Mrs. Jacks, I can send the driver to pick it up for you," Charles said dryly.

"No, that’s not what I meant," Brenda smiled, pulling her door closed behind her slightly so they wouldn’t wake the baby. "I’m still not exactly back in the shape that I was before the baby, so a lot of he.....my dresses don’t fit." She caught herself at the last minute. "And actually, when I have to nurse the baby, something that opens down the front is the most convenient." She dug her toe shyly into the expensive carpet. "So...I was wondering...."

Charles cleared his throat nervously. "Umm......yes, madam?" He had started to blush as soon as the word "nurse" came from her mouth.

"...Well, I found some jeans that would probably fit, but I really think I would be most comfortable in some of Jax’s shirts......maybe some that he might have put out to give away to charity or something? Do you think you might be able to rustle me up one or two of his old shirts to wear?"

Charles had to stifle the shock from showing on his face. It had been so long since any of the servants had seen the Mr. and the Mrs. of the house exchanging anything but insults. He smiled briefly, but then the serious face returned. "I’ll see what I can do, madam." He peeked around the door. "Is the young master sleeping?"

"Like a rock," Brenda smiled. "Wanna see him?"

Charles looked as tempted as a child who had found the closet where his parents hid his Christmas presents. "I wouldn’t want to wake the young master." Then his prim and proper decorum returned. "Maybe....um......maybe I’ll just go find those shirts and then I can take a look at him when I bring them back to you."

Brenda winked and gave him another heart-melting smile. "I’ll count on it, Charles." As he went down the hallway towards another door, she called after him. "And thanks, Charles -- you’re a real doll."

Brenda went back into her room and never saw Charles smile at her. "And I’m beginning to think that you are too, Mrs. Jacks." He turned to complete his mission with a spring in his step. "Yes, I’m definitely beginning to think you are."

*~*~*~*

Jerry followed Jax into the den, huffing and puffing as he did. "Bloody h*ll, Jerry, are you really *that* out of shape?" Jax laughed. "I mean, it’s just an old baby bed!"

Jax continued to chuckle as he made his way to the bar with Jerry trailing after him. "I swear, Jax, if Brenda changes her mind about borrowing the crib and the clothes, I’m going to kill her myself this time, and she’ll *stay* bloody dead!" Jax stopped in mid-pour and Jerry’s face fell. "I’m sorry, old man," Jerry groaned with a shake of his head. "I know this whole "back from the dead" thing is really confusing you."

"Confusing?" Jax handed Jerry a drink as he began to pour a stiff one for himself. "More like totally turning my world upside down." He took a sip and swallowed quickly. "Did you see her – just now?"

Jerry took a long sip of his own drink. "Not really. Lois grabbed poor Charles as soon as we came in the door and had him cart all the stuff upstairs. She’s up there with Brenda now, I guess." He lifted his glass towards Jax and chuckled a little. "But she did say that Brenda was a bloody walkin’ Cybil earlier today. She says keeps expectin’ Brenda to start havin’ a conversation with herself, one personality talkin’ to another one."

Jax shook his head and walked over to the couch where he sat down with a sigh. "It’s not like she’s possessed or anything, Jer. In fact, it’s just the opposite. She almost seems – human." He stared out the window into space. "She’s loving and attentive with Jon, she’s polite to Charles – h*ll, she even smiles at *me* most of the time!"

Jerry sat down next to him, putting his hand on Jax’s shoulder. "You’re fallin’ for her again, aren’t you, Jax?"

Jax turned to Jerry with tears in his eyes. "How can I be so stupid, Jer? You’d think by now I’d have learned my lesson, wouldn’t you?" He took another swallow of liquor. "I fell in love with Brenda and married her in a heartbeat. And we were happy – at first. But then, things started falling apart so fast, and then….that night…."

Jerry patted Jax’s shoulder again with love. "I know, Jax. You don’t have to say it. There’s no point in diggin’ up painful memories."

"But I have to, Jer," Jax said resolutely as he rose from the couch. "I have to keep reminding myself of how I came home and found her in *our* bed with….him. I have to keep remembering all the hateful things she said to me that night when I see her now and start feeling….." He took a shaky breath. "…..start having those old feelings again."

Jerry rose and went to stand beside Jax at the windows, both of them looking outside rather than at each other. "Are the doctors sure she’ll get her memory back?" Jax turned to him in surprise. "I mean, is there any chance she could stay the way she is now?"

Jax laughed a little and shook his head sadly. "That’s the awful part, Jer. They keep telling me that they don’t know. They *think* she’ll eventually get her memory back, but they don’t know when. It could happen tomorrow or it could happen six years from now." The tears began to gather again. "How can I live with that, Jer?" He stared down briefly into his drink. "I didn’t tell you this before, but the day Brenda went into labor, we had a big doozy of a fight…..right before it started."

Jax walked away from the window and went back to the bar to freshen his drink, Jerry following. "Jax, you don’t have to do this right now."

Jax exhaled loudly. "Yes, I do, Jer. See, we were fighting because Brenda told me she wanted a divorce. She didn’t give a d*mn anymore about the settlement. She just wanted out of the marriage so that she and that slime could be together."

Jerry put his drink down on the bar. "So – what now? Are you going ahead with it?"

Jax took a deep breath. "I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t *want* to give her the divorce and have to watch her take Jon away from me at least half the time to live with *him*. But what kind of home would I be giving my son if I made her stay with me? If we’re constantly bickering and at each others’ throats?"

Jax slowly walked to look out the window again. "It’s like Brenda’s the one who died, but *I’m* the one who’s in h*ll, Jer," he said, his voice breaking with emotion. "I can feel myself falling for her all over again, but I don’t know if I can live through her breaking my heart again when she gets her memory back."

Jax turned back from the window just as Brenda, Lois and Brooke Lynn came into the room. Jax gulped and then took another stiff drink as he saw Brenda in one of his old blue dress shirts, her hair pulled back into a ponytail. She had let the shirt hang out over her jeans and her face had a fresh-scrubbed glow that he was totally unaccustomed to seeing. She was holding Jon in one arm and holding Brooke’s hand with the other.

"There’s your daddy!" Brenda crooned to the baby, glancing down at Brooke and pulling her gently by the hand into the room. "Come on, honey, let’s take your cousin Jon to see his daddy and Uncle Jerry, OK?"

Everyone’s attention was drawn to Jerry as he let go of his glass in disbelief and it crashed to the floor, shattering on contact.

To be continued…..