Brenda watched as Jax’s face paled and he inhaled as though he had been sucker-punched. She went on before he could stop her. "I saw YOUR Brenda yesterday, Jax. I saw her in heaven." Brenda took a shaky breath. "YOUR Brenda died, and I took her place."

"Would you care to repeat that?" Jax’s words were spoken in a whisper.

"I’m not the Brenda you married, Jax," she repeated, glancing down at the sleeping infant in her arms. "When your Brenda flat-lined yesterday, my soul got a second chance in her body."

Jax waited a few seconds before he straightened up, and then exploded into derisive laughter. Brenda fumed and bounced the baby in her arms so that Jax’s loud reaction wouldn’t wake him. "You think it’s *funny*?" she hissed.

"I’m sorry, Brenda," he finally managed to reply, wiping tears from his eyes. Then he leaned over her again and those same eyes shot fire. "I just never thought you would sink this low to get my money."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, come on, Brenda. Do you really think I’m gullible enough to believe some cr*p about you dying and coming back to life?" He leaned closer and she felt his breath ruffle the hair around her face. "Was this *your* idea or lover boy’s?"

"I have *no* idea what you’re talking about, Jax." Tears threatened to form in her eyes at his sarcasm but she fought them valiantly.

Jax shook his head in disdain. "It was probably *his* idea. Put on this whole "I’ve-come-back-to-life-and-I’m-a-different-person" thing." He braced his weight by placing his clenched fists on the bed on both sides of her body. "Did you *really* think I would fall for it, Brenda? Did you think that this would somehow get you more of a settlement than what you agreed to in the prenup?"

Brenda frowned as the tears formed of their own accord. "Jax, I’m serious!" She bounced the baby in her arms as he started to stir and whimper softly.

"Ohhhh, you’re serious, are you?" Jax raised his eyebrows in mock understanding. "Well then, madam, you should know that *I’m* serious, too."

"Serious about what?" Brenda felt a cold dread in the pit of her stomach.

Jax’s face was a mask of cruelty. "If you insist on sticking to this charade, I’ll have you committed."

"What?" Brenda could barely form the word.

"That’s right, Brenda dear." He glanced down at the baby, who was beginning to flail his arms in protest at his mother’s alarm. "We’ll just see what the courts and the doctors have to say about this. Do you honestly think there’s any judge in the state of California who’ll believe that fairy tale you’re spinning? They’ll declare you an unfit mother and remand you to the Wilmington Sanitarium so fast it’ll make your head swim."

"You wouldn’t." Brenda tried to caress the baby’s forehead as he began to cry but her fingers were shaking so badly that she was afraid she would poke him in the eye.

"If it keeps you from taking my money and running off to South America with that Don Juan of yours -- you bet your sweet @ss I would!"

The baby was crying now in earnest and Brenda couldn’t do anything to soothe him. Jax straightened up and ran his fingers through his hair as he exhaled loudly. He hadn’t meant for this to turn into a scene, but Brenda’s preposterous scheme had sent him over the edge. Fortunately, Robin chose that moment to re-enter the room.

"What’s going on?" She immediately came to Brenda’s bed and took the screaming infant from her.

Brenda could barely speak. "Jax doesn’t believe me…..he thinks I’m insane and he wants to take the baby away from me and have me committed!" Sobs racked her body.

Robin turned an accusing eye to Jax, who put his hands on his hips with a sigh. "Well – she’s telling me some bloody ridiculous story about how she died and went to heaven and now she’s somebody else!"

Robin took one look at the both of them and decided that she needed to separate them to get at the truth. "Jax, would you mind stepping out side for a few minutes?"

"ME? You’re sending ME out of the room?" He pointed towards Brenda with a snort. "SHE’S the one who started this whole absurd "Scotty-beamed-me-up" thing."

Robin walked towards where Jax stood after shifting the baby to her shoulder in an attempt to quiet him. "Look, Jax," she said through grit teeth. "You hired me to watch after Brenda and take care of your son." She glanced over at Brenda, who was still hiccuping and holding a crumpled tissue to her lips. "Now I don’t care who started it or who said what. I just know that the little discussion you two were having has upset this poor, innocent baby beyond words." She tried to look him in the eye, but Jax was hesitant to meet her gaze as he felt the guilt washing over him. "Babies are very finely attuned to their mothers’ feelings, Jax. If you upset Brenda, you upset your son." She patted the baby on the back again as he began to quiet. "Now, why don’t you leave for a few minutes and cool off. I’ll try to see if I can talk to Brenda and make some sense out of all of this."

Jax nodded and went towards the door, but not before giving Brenda one last meaningful glare. He pulled the door open with a vengeance and then went out without a word.

Brenda sighed and her body shook in the aftermath of her tears. {How could you be so stupid? Did you really expect him to believe you? Heck – you’re not sure that YOU believe you!!} She mentally berated herself for exploding at Jax the way she did. But if there was any good to be had out of the confrontation, it was the fact that it settled something for Brenda, once and for all.

She couldn’t possibly tell Jax the truth. If his wife really had cheated on him to the extent that he wasn’t even sure of the paternity of his child, Brenda was sure he would make good on his threats to have her committed. After all that Brenda Barrett had gone through -- learning of Veronica’s mental disease, worrying that she had it herself, fearing that every stray thought was a harbinger of its onset – just the mention of the word "sanitarium" was enough to send her into a tailspin. Even though she had come home with a clean bill of health and knew she didn’t have the defective gene that caused the disease, she never wanted to go anywhere near a sanitarium again in this life – or any other.

But even greater than the fear she felt of being committed was the power of the bond she felt with the baby -- *her* son. She watched as Robin crooned to the baby and then after Jax had left the room, gently placed him back in the crib. Even after only a few hours and only holding him a handful of times, Brenda knew she would lay down her life for him. It surprised her a little – the old Brenda Barrett would turn up her nose at the chance to hold a baby, much less the idea of actually feeding one at her breast. But when the re-born Brenda felt her son nurse for the first time and saw his crystal blue eyes look up into hers with trust and unconditional love, she knew one of the reasons that God had allowed her to have this second chance. And Brenda knew she wasn’t about to lose that love – not for anything in this world.

Robin disturbed her thoughts as she came over to sit on the bed. "Feeling a little better now?"

Brenda nodded shakily. "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset the baby like that." The tears started again as she looked into Robin’s understanding eyes. "It’s just that --- well, I *did* die yesterday, Robin. And I *did* come back. And Jax can’t seem to understand that." She inhaled jerkily. "Do you believe me?"

"It’s not a matter of believing you, Brenda," Robin answered softly. "The medical instruments don’t lie. You flat-lined for over 15 seconds yesterday during the delivery. For all intents and purposes, you DID die." She took Brenda’s hands in hers. "Do you remember anything about the time while you were ….. gone?"

"I remember….a garden." Brenda’s words were carefully measured. {Robin believes me, but I’m not sure she’s ready for the *whole* truth. How can I put this so I don’t sound like a total basket case?} "It was a beautiful garden with a bridge…..a bridge…." Brenda paused for a minute as the details of her experience began to come back to her. "….and a bright light!"

Robin nodded. "Many people who have near-death experiences recall a bright light. It’s a very common thread."

{That’s because it’s TRUE, lady!} "There was this bridge made out of crystals and the light was on the other side. And it was like I was being pulled to the light, and then, all of a sudden….." Robin nodded her encouragement. "…..it was like I was sucked back into some kind of tornado thing and I woke up in the delivery room."

"Those are all very normal phenomena for you to have experienced, Brenda." Robin patted her hand. "They don’t mean you’re crazy or need to be committed to an asylum."

"But ….. there’s more," Brenda added. {Let’s hope this works. This will help me cover for a lot.} "When I woke up, it was like I was somebody totally different." Robin frowned a little. "I didn’t remember anything or anybody before the bridge and the bright light."

"Not even Jax?" Robin shifted her position a little on the bed and placed her finger to Brenda’s chin, tipping her head to the side and staring intently into her eyes.

"If I say that I only have a cloudy recollection of him before I saw him in the delivery room, would you *still* say I was having normal experiences?" Brenda tried to control her racing heartbeat as Robin turned her hand over to feel her wrist and take her pulse.

After she finished, Robin sighed and released Brenda’s hand. "Brenda, physicians have learned that when it comes to near-death experiences, nothing is ever considered to be "normal." After all, we’re dealing with something that nobody’s ever come back to tell us about."

{Nobody except me, that is. And if I told you – you probably wouldn’t believe me either.}

She sighed and rose from the bed. "But the facts are that you were medically "dead" for over 15 seconds. That could have caused some kind of lack of oxygen in your brain that could contribute to a state of amnesia." She walked to Brenda’s chart at the bottom of the bed and made some notes. "I’m going to inform Dr. Fielding of your amnesia, Brenda. He’ll probably order a cat scan, just to make sure that there isn’t any permanent damage to the brain." She walked back towards Brenda and patted her hand warmly. "But I’m sure that it’s nothing to worry about."

"And you don’t think I’m crazy?" Brenda held her breath, glancing once more at her beautiful son as he lay sleeping in his crib.

Robin smiled. "No. I don’t think you’re crazy. Any woman who responds to her child the way you have is very sane and secure." She rubbed the side of Brenda’s arm with the palm of her hand. "Now – why don’t you get some rest? You’ve been through a lot during the past 36 hours."

{That, dear Robin, is the understatement of the year.}

*~*~*~*

"Amnesia?" Jax nearly bolted out of the chair in Dr. Fielding’s office. "Now you’re telling me she has amnesia?"

"Jax, you must remember that Brenda flat-lined on us yesterday. Now, I’m not just talking a short irregularity in her EKG. I’m talking no breathing, no pulse, no heartbeat – DEAD, Jax." He shuffled some papers around on his desk until he found Brenda’s file. "I’ve reviewed the medical notes from her delivery, Jax. After we checked the instruments, we found that Brenda was down for almost 30 seconds."

"So?" Jax sat in the chair, his elbows propped on the armrests, his hands folded restlessly in his lap.

"So, although it seems like nothing to you, in medical terms that’s a long time for the brain to be without oxygen." Dr. Fielding sighed and glanced at the man sitting in a chair to Jax’s left. "I’ve asked Dr. Mueller to join us this afternoon. He’s our top neurologist."

Jax barely shifted his eyes in the doctor’s direction, nodding briefly. Dr. Mueller gave Jax a less-than-warm greeting in return. "Mr. Jacks, I understand your frustration with your wife’s condition, but you must also try to understand our predicament." He took a deep breath and leaned towards Jax. "There are many fields that medical science can boast of conquering these days, Mr. Jacks. Unfortunately – knowledge of what goes on inside the brain isn’t one of them. The brain and its complexities remain one of the last frontiers that we have to explore."

Jax frowned but did turn slightly in his chair to face Dr. Mueller. "Go on."

"Your wife’s brain was deprived of oxygen for almost thirty seconds. Given that window of opportunity, the possibilities of permanent brain damage are endless. Or, if not damage, at least impairment."

"Can’t you run tests for that kind of thing?"

"We can and we have, Mr. Jacks." Dr. Mueller referred to a file in his lap. "After Nurse Scorpio reported the difficulties that Mrs. Jacks was experiencing, we ran a cat scan on her immediately. The scan came back normal."

"All of which fails to explain why she tried to give me some kind of crazy story straight out of Invasion of the Body Snatchers!"

Robin put her hand gently on Dr. Mueller’s arm and took over the role of speaker. "Jax – you seem to be forgetting the most important fact here. Brenda DID die," she said emphatically. Jax sighed aloud and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "After you left the room earlier, I spoke with her at length about what she remembers of that time. Her memories are very typical of those reported by people who have had what we call "near death" experiences."

"And although the cat scan shows no permanent damage," Dr. Mueller interrupted, "there is no way we can assess what temporary effects the lack of oxygen may have had on Brenda’s brain."

Jax put his hands to his face, covering his eyes. He rubbed them briskly, and them lowered his hands to fold them again. "All right. I’ll accept the fact that Brenda ……died……yesterday….for a while. And now she’s come back, and we don’t exactly know how all of that might have affected her." He looked pointedly at Dr. Mueller. "But what has that got to do with her saying that she’s somebody else? Or this amnesia thing?"

Robin again looked at Dr. Mueller for permission to answer Jax’s question, and he nodded his assent. "Jax, another common thread that runs through "near-death" experiences is some kind of rebirth, either spiritual or mental." She cleared her throat and lowered her voice. "I don’t mean to pry, but I was under the impression that you and Brenda were having some…..difficulties…..before the baby’s delivery."

Jax swallowed hard. "I’m listening."

"Maybe when she was telling you about being a different person now, she meant that she had been…..reborn," Robin suggested. "Some people who have these kind of experiences see them as a kind of wake-up call – to change their lives." Jax’s face still showed his disbelief, but it did begin to soften a little. "I know that the tension in the room was pretty thick when I came in. Is it possible that you misunderstood her?"

Jax shook his head and pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. "I don’t know." He gripped the armrests of the chair tightly. "I’m not sure of anything these days, it seems." He took a deep breath and expelled it slowly. "So – assuming that Brenda *does* suffer from some kind of amnesia – what do we do about it?"

Dr. Fielding nodded towards Dr. Mueller and the attention in the room shifted to him. "Well, we’ve run the cat scan on Brenda and your son, as I said, and both came back normal. But I’d really like to keep them both in the hospital for a few more days and run another scan to make sure there’s no change."

"The baby?" Jax’s face paled. "There might be a problem with the baby?"

"It doesn’t appear that way so far," Dr. Fielding said, trying to reassure the new father. "But we must remember that he was still in utero when Brenda flat-lined and we have to watch him to make sure he suffered no adverse consequences either."

Jax nodded and he slowly rose from the chair. "Try to be patient with her, Jax," Robin said softly. "From what she tells me, she remembers very little of you or your life together before she …. died."

He tried to fight the tears that were rising to his eyes. How could he feel this way – about a child that might very well not even be his, and a woman who had broken his heart so many times he was sure it was beyond repair? Jax nodded to Robin and then quickly left the room. He wasn’t sure exactly why, but he headed towards the one place he suddenly wanted to be most – his wife’s hospital room.

*~*~*~*

Brenda looked around the room and sighed. She had to go to the bathroom. Badly. She remembered Robin mentioning that she had some kind of meeting to attend in Dr. Fielding’s office and that she wouldn’t be gone long. She had strictly ordered Brenda to call for a nurse if she needed to get up.

Brenda made a grim face and then pulled her legs out from under the cover sheet. She swung them over the side of the bed, bracing herself on her hands. {So far, so good.} Her slippers were next to the bed, so it was an easy task getting into them. As she stood for the first time, she swayed just a little, but the temporary vertigo soon passed and she looked around proudly.

{See? Nothing to it. I’ll just make a quick trip to tinkle and then I’ll hop back in bed before she knows the difference.} Brenda decided to be cautious, so she held onto chair backs and the wall as she made her way to the bathroom. When she passed her son’s crib, he was sleeping angelically, and she had to stop and smile at him, petting his soft, blonde hair once.

A few minutes later, she emerged from the bathroom, a satisfied smile on her face. {See? I knew I could do it. Now just back to bed.} Brenda went back by the same route, stopping again at the crib to kiss her fingers and press them against the baby’s chubby arm. But when she got to the bed, she turned to sit down and temptation reared its ugly head. She noticed the mirror over the dresser.

{I must look like a mess! I haven’t shampooed my hair or done my makeup since…….well, since I died!} Brenda decided that she was feeling secure enough to risk a trip to the mirror, at least to comb her hair if nothing else. She held onto the rail at the bottom of the bed and took the few unsupported steps that brought her to the dresser.

She grabbed the side of the dresser for balance again, but when she finally raised her eyes to look into the mirror, the sight froze her in place. {Oh….my…..God……it’s not me anymore!} Brenda’s fingers went to her face and traced the soft planes and unfamiliar contours. Her eyes were brown now – a lustrous brown that looked like liquid velvet. Her nose was petite and just slightly up-tilted. Her mouth was full and sensual. And she had that beauty mark near her mouth – the same one that she had seen on the woman that passed her on the bridge.

Brenda didn’t notice her knees begin to tremble or the tears that began running down her cheeks. She put her hands to her hair – but it wasn’t *her* hair anymore. It was that other Brenda’s hair – long and thick and jet black. She abruptly took both hands and pulled it back into a pony tail, somehow hoping that it would make her look more like the Brenda she knew – Brenda Barrett. But it didn’t help.

A sob finally escaped her lips and her hands flew to her mouth. {I can’t do this! God – maybe I was wrong! I’m not even *me* anymore! And the *me* that I am must be a horrible person! Nobody loves me – certainly not my husband, that’s for sure!} The tears flowed in earnest as the full impact of her situation hit Brenda. She was alone, with strangers, in a strange place.

She wrapped her arms around her waist and her knees started to buckle as despair overwhelmed her. {You were wrong, God! You shouldn’t have given me this second chance! I can’t do this – you should have just let me die when I did!}

But then, just as she was about to sink to the ground into the blackness of her sorrow, she heard words echoing in her mind.

{As you heal his heart, you’ll discover yours.}

She blinked rapidly, trying to figure out where the voice had come from, but then she felt strong arms wrapping around her, lifting her, and a lilting, gentle voice in her ear. "I’ve got you, Brenda. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry."

Jax was amazed when he quietly opened the door to Brenda’s room and caught her standing in front of the dresser mirror. He didn’t think she was supposed to be out of bed yet. He silently crept into the room, letting the door shut behind him and standing in the dark shadow near the door.

His eyebrows knit together as he watched her face go deathly pale and her hand begin to tremble. She reached out to trace the outline of her face in the mirror with her fingertips, and then pulled her hand away suddenly as though the reflection had burned her. Her hand shook visibly and then he saw the contractions of her sobs. But it was the sound of her crying that brought him out of the darkness and to her side.

Jax never remembered seeing his wife cry before in her life. Well – there was that one time, at Stefan’s house. She had been admiring his expensive tropical fish and when she leaned over the aquarium, one of her diamond earrings fell off and the fish swallowed it. She had cried that night, but to Jax, she sounded more like a disappointed six-year-old than a grown woman.

This, on the other hand – this was *crying.* Heartfelt, gut-wrenching, soul-searching crying. Jax watched her knees give way as she sank in a fetal position to the floor and sobbed as though she had lost the only thing she ever wanted in the world.

He tried to stay away. Standing there, in the darkness, Jax tried to remember every time she had flirted with other men at parties. Every time she had told him she was going to bed with a migraine and then had sneaked out with …..him. Every time she had run up a huge bill on his credit card and then flounced out of the house, wearing her new outfits, to meet…..him. But no matter how many times she had hurt him in the past, Jax couldn’t resist the basic need he still had to take care of her.

She was shaking violently when he scooped her up off the floor and held her against his chest. "Please, Brenda…..does it hurt somewhere? Should I call the doctor?"

She shook her head "no" strongly, but then compounded his surprise when she threw her arms around his neck and sobbed against his shoulder. He could feel the dampness from her tears beginning to soak through the weave of his shirt. Jax didn’t know what to do for a minute, but then he just began to rock her gently back and forth in his arms, much as she had done with the baby earlier that day.

When her sobbing began to lessen, Jax walked slowly to the bed and then gently lay her down. Brenda’s arms reluctantly unwound from around his neck and she reached out to grab for a tissue from the nightstand. It was just beyond her reach so Jax took the box and held it to her without comment.

After she blew her nose, Brenda looked up into Jax’s eyes. "I’m sorry about that," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I didn’t mean to get your shirt all wet." Her breath hitched and she put the wadded tissue to her mouth as she tried to calm herself.

Jax gave her a half-smile. "It’s not a problem – really. That’s why God made dryers."

When she saw him smile at her, Brenda felt her heart begin to melt. This was the first time since she had "come back" that he hadn’t been scowling at her. He had such beautiful eyes. He was really quite a handsome man, when he wasn’t furious at her. "I’m….uh….." Jax looked down at his hands, which were folded on the bed next to her. "I’m sorry that I upset you so much this morning."

"I wasn’t crying just now because of what you said," Brenda said in a rush. "I…uh….I guess all that post-partum depression stuff they talk about must have started to kick in."

"Well…..I just came from a meeting with Dr. Fielding and Robin. I guess I didn’t realize just how serious the whole thing was when you …..yesterday, when you……"

"Died." Brenda said the word in a monotone.

Jax nodded and swallowed hard. "Died." He looked at her with a mixture of curiosity and skepticism. "You *really* don’t remember anything about your life before yesterday? About me?"

Brenda shook her head and her lower lip started to tremble again. "I just was feeling so…..alone…..and confused." Just then, both of them froze in place as the baby started whimpering softly.

Jax looked over his shoulder at his son, but then when the baby quieted again, he looked back to Brenda and gently patted her arm. "Why don’t you try to get some rest now? You’ll probably have to be up in a few hours feeding him again."

Brenda nodded, hiccups still shaking her chest. "I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep, though."

Jax took a deep breath. "I could stay – if you want me to – just until you fall asleep."

A smile graced Brenda’s face, and for some strange reason, Jax’s heart felt lighter. "I think I’d like that a lot."

Brenda rolled over on her side, pulling her knees up closer to her chest in a partial fetal position. Jax watched her until her breathing slowed, and then, when he was sure she was asleep, he gently ran his hand down her hair. He had almost forgotten how soft it was.

*~*~*~*

"Are you sure Mrs. Jacks isn’t allowed any visitors?" The tall, brown-haired, swarthy man held a large bouquet of red roses, but he didn’t intimidate the nurse at the front desk.

"I’m sorry, sir. Mrs. Jacks had some complications during the delivery and her visitors have been restricted to only her husband for the time being."

The man sighed. "That figures." He swore softly under his breath but then tried to give the nurse a charming smile. "Well, could you at least make sure that she gets these flowers?"

The nurse smiled. "I’m sure that would be OK, sir." She took the huge bouquet from him. "These are lovely. Is there a card?"

The man smirked confidently. "No. She’ll know who they’re from." He watched as the nurse carried them away and then he turned from the desk to begin the long trip back to his car. "Don’t worry, novia," he said softly as he stood on the parking lot, staring up at Brenda’s window. "We’ll be back together soon. And then – with the help of the money we’ll get from selling the Martinique – we’ll be able to afford to run away together, just as we planned."

To be continued……

Author’s note – Remember that Jax lives in California and his wife has never met Sonny Corinthos. Brenda Jacks’ lover is NOT Sonny. For the sake of the plot, I’ll be moving some of the GH characters, like Robin, Stefan Cassidine, and Carly Roberts to California. Before the end of "CircleDance," Brenda and Jax will travel to Port Charles and encounter Sonny.