She tried to sound nonchalant and logical. "I said that I think we should consider dropping the charges against Miguel."

"Drop the charges?" Jax’s eyebrows rose in disbelief and he shook his head. "Do you mean let him make some kind of plea bargain? Let him get by on a lesser charge – some kind of deal?"

Brenda took a shaky breath and pushed the hair back out of her eyes. "No – I mean drop the charges completely. Tell the police to let him go and forget that this ever happened."

Jax snorted again and rose from the bed, walking around the bedroom with his hands on his hips. "I can’t believe you’re actually suggesting this nonsense, Brenda!!" He stopped by the doors to the patio. "The man broke into our home, kidnapped you, and almost killed me!! And you’re suggesting that we should just……forget about it? Pretend it never happened?"

Brenda shifted position and crossed one leg beneath her. "Jax, I know it would be difficult……"

"Difficult? DIFFICULT??!!" Jax ran his fingers through his hair and stood rigidly in place. "Brenda, I wasn’t sure if the man had blinded me!! Do you know how I felt when I woke up in bed and found you gone? When I saw you two on the beach and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop him in time, and that I’d lose you forever? And you want me to just forget that?"

Brenda rose and went towards Jax, her hands outstretched. "But Jax, don’t you see? If we press charges, there’ll be a trial and we’ll probably both have to testify. We’ll just have to re-live all that again – all that horror." She reached towards Jax but he pulled away from her. "It’ll be like having to go through it all again – having to suffer through all the pain all over."

Jax raised an eyebrow at her and Brenda felt the chill come from his body. "That’s not it at all, is it?" He circled wide around her and went back towards the bed. "You’re not worried about re-living the pain at a trial. You’re not worried about me at all." Brenda shook her head as tears started to gather in her eyes. But when she went towards Jax, he pulled away from her. "You’re worried about him." His voice was flat and emotionless. "You remember him. You still love the b*stard."

"NO, JAX!" Tears were running down Brenda’ face in earnest. "It’s not that!"

"Then what is it, Brenda?" he whispered. The anguish in his voice made Brenda want to take him in her arms, but he was too hurt for that. "Why would you care about a miserable excuse for a human being like that unless it all came back to you? Unless you remembered that you loved him?"

Brenda’s mind whirled with the possibilities of explanations. {You saw what happened when you didn’t tell Miguel the truth right away. This is your perfect chance. You should just tell him. Explain it to him, the same way you explained it to Miguel. Maybe he won’t think you’re crazy……} But the more Brenda thought about it in that split second, the more firmly she believed that Jax wasn’t ready for the REAL truth yet. {You weren’t that close to Miguel. He could accept the truth because you hadn’t been living with him every day for over two months – passing up chances to tell him the truth – lying to him about what really happened that day, but telling him at the same time that he was the love of your life…..}

"Brenda?" Jax sat down on the bed with a sigh, his eyes full of incredible sadness. "Is that it? Have you changed your mind about me?"

She walked over to the bed and sat down next to Jax, although he moved just far enough away from her so that their bodies didn’t touch. "Jax," she began tentatively, "you know I’ve been telling you that I’ve changed since Jon was born. You know that I’ve told you that you’re the only man I’ll ever love – the only man who’ll ever make me happy." Jax nodded quickly, but he still pulled away when she reached for him. "Well, some of the things I’m about to tell you may not make you too happy, but I want you to remember that I’m telling you the truth. You wanted to know my *real* reasons, so I’m going to tell you, alright?"

Another nod. Brenda took a deep breath. "OK. Do you remember the day that we had breakfast with Stefan Cassidine? The day that Carly came to visit me?" Another nod. "Well, I used Carly that day, Jax. I pumped her for information about he……my past. The people I knew, where we went, what we did. Carly told me about Miguel that day, Jax. And she told me some things about him that scared me to death."

"What kind of things?"

Brenda pulled her leg under her to sit on it again, excited by the prospect that Jax seemed to be believing her so far. "She told me that he’s a very powerful man, Jax. But he’s like some kind of criminal."

Jax snorted. "Well, the man kidnapped you and almost killed me. That’s no surprise."

"Not only that, Jax. He’s got an organization kinda thing – like a mob, I guess." She reached for Jax’s hand again. "Jax, even if we press charges and send him to jail, Miguel can just snap his fingers from behind bars and somebody on the outside can still try to hurt us."

Jax frowned and shook his head, his eyebrows wrinkling. "So then what’s the point of letting him out on the street?" He gestured in the air from side to side. "He hurts us himself, or he has one of his goons do it. I don’t see that as a justification for letting him get away with almost killing us."

Brenda held up her hands, palms out. "OK, now here things get a little complicated, so just try to stay with me, OK?" Jax nodded reluctantly and Brenda went on. "Jax, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this, and I figured out that the reason that Miguel had kept coming after us for all this time is because he still believed that I loved him. He thought we still had a chance." Brenda folded her hands in her lap and looked down at them, chewing on her lower lip. "And that’s partially my fault, Jax. I should have told him before now that it was over between us." She shrugged her shoulders. "I just thought that if I totally ignored him, he’d get the picture."

"And that’s changed…….how?"

Brenda inhaled shakily. "I went to see Miguel in jail today, Jax. I went to tell him that it was over between us -- for good. That I’ve changed permanently and the only man I’ll ever want is you."

"YOU WENT TO SEE HIM??!!" Jax almost jumped up from the bed but Brenda caught him by the hand and put her finger to her lips. "I can’t believe you did that, Brenda!!" Then his face paled and he slumped back down next to her. "It’s got to be because you still love him. Otherwise, you never would have done that."

"Jax, think about it," Brenda begged. "If I still loved him and really wanted a future with Miguel, would I be telling you now that I went to see him? Wouldn’t sh…….I have lied to you? Hadn’t I lied to you all the times in the past when I saw him?" Brenda could almost see the wheels painfully turning in Jax’s head as he tried to sort things out. "And I *was* frightened about seeing him, so I even took Thomas with me when I went there today."

Jax’s eyes really widened. "Thomas!!?? Thomas was there?"

"The entire time, cross my heart," Brenda replied, making the gesture to reinforce her words. "Ask him if you think it was some kind of lovers’ reunion."

As her words sank in, some of the tension left Jax’s body. "Go on," he said quietly.

"I finally convinced him, Jax," Brenda continued triumphantly. "I told him that I had changed forever when Jon was born, and that I wasn’t "his" Brenda anymore. I told him that I didn’t want him, and that I didn’t have any feelings for him anymore except for contempt."

Jax frowned again. "But then I still don’t see why we should let him get away with this without being punished! If it’s true that you convinced him that it’s over, he won’t be sending his goons after us. And frankly, maybe there would be far fewer criminals in this world if a few of them got the punishments they deserved."

Brenda took another deep breath. {OK. So far, so good. Please let him follow this last argument and maybe we’ll be home free.} "OK, now this is where it gets complicated." She wet her lips and finally was able to take Jax’s hands in hers. "Carly told me that Miguel is part of some kind of organized crime network thing – he has to report to a bigger criminal than him, you know? Like a boss criminal?" Jax gave her half-nod. "OK, well apparently Miguel did something that made this boss criminal of his *really* mad at him. He didn’t finish a job or something – I don’t know what it is and I really don’t want to know." {OK, so I lied there. So don’t strike me with the lightning just yet.}

"So are you saying Miguel’s in trouble with some Mafia higher-ups?"

"Yeah, kinda – I guess." Brenda bounced a little on the bed as she saw Jax following her reasoning. "Anyway, if he goes to jail, his boss criminal can have him killed just like that cause he’ll be easy to find." She snapped her fingers to illustrate the point. "But if we drop the charges and he gets out, he can just disappear and the big boss criminal will never find him."

Jax’s eyes narrowed. "So you’re saying you want us to let him go so he can vanish from the face of the earth and he won’t be killed?"

Brenda finally smiled. "Exactly." She saw a confused look still remained on Jax’s face and she moved closer to him on the bed. "Honey, you can ask Thomas – after today, there’s no way that Miguel can think I’d ever want anything to do with him. And if he would get to walk out of that jail, the last thing he’d ever want to do is stick around to try to get me to change my mind – which I won’t. There’s nothing he wants more than just to pffft! into thin air as far as his boss is concerned."

Jax shook his head and leaned forward to cradle his forehead in his hands. "I don’t know, Brenda. This is a lot to ask, you know."

She leaned forward, trying to make eye contact with him. "But it makes sense, Jax. And it’s the truth." She cradled the side of his face with her hand, turning it to her tenderly. "You’re the only one I’ll ever want, Jax. There’s no man for me on this earth besides you, I swear it." She glanced over towards her sleeping son. "I swear it on Jon’s life."

"Dummit. Dummit all to hill." Jax rose from the bed and stood there for a moment in silent thought. Then he grabbed his robe and put it on, belting it around his waist with shaky hands.

"Jax? What are you doing?"

He looked towards the patio doors and ran his hands through his hair. "I have to get away for a little while to think about all this – to get it straight in my mind."

Brenda reached for her robe. "You shouldn’t be alone yet. I’ll just….."

"NO!" Jax was adamant, but his face softened a little. "I promise I won’t be long. I’m just going out on the beach to sit and think for a while."

Brenda nodded her agreement but tears still stung her eyes. She watched as Jax closed the door of their bedroom with what seemed like a deafening click. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Brenda wrapped her arms around them and closed her eyes to pray. {PLEASE let him understand, God. I can’t lose him now. We’re so close to getting it right……}

*~*~*~*

Brenda sat by the patio doors and watched Jax for a while as he sat on the beach, his knees drawn up to his chest in silent thought. She continued to pray that he would accept her reasoning and agree to the plan. But finally, the stress of the day took its toll and she went to bed, promising herself that she would only "rest her eyes" for a little while.

It seemed like only minutes had passed when Brenda felt the bed dip under Jax’s weight. "Jax? Are you OK?"

His arms went around her like bands of steel as Jax pulled Brenda to his chest. His eyes glittered fiercely in the moonlit room. "I’ll make the call first thing in the morning and talk to the sheriff. We’ll play this your way, Brenda….."

"Oh, Jax!" she squealed softly, pulling his lips towards hers for a kiss. When she felt his body go stiff and for a minute, Brenda thought she had lost him again.

"You didn’t let me finish." Brenda nodded once at his brusque words. "We’ll do it your way this time, love, but don’t ever ask me to do something like this again." She caught her breath but then Jax pulled her to him and kissed her hard. His mouth ravaged hers, his tongue spearing between her lips before he pulled back again. "I won’t lose you, Brenda……I can’t lose you again," he mumbled, his hand sliding under her sleep shirt to fondle her breast possessively.

She threaded her fingers through his hair as the urgency in his touch lit up her body like a Christmas tree. "You won’t lose me, Jax – I promise you." Brenda’s eyes were glittering as brightly as Jax’s when she looked into them. "Love me, Jax – please….."

Jax reached down and stripped the panties from her legs in one motion. When he filled her with a bold stroke, Brenda almost screamed aloud with pleasure. He nipped at her neck and whispered in her ear as he set up a passionate rhythm of loving her. "I thought you’d never be able to hurt me again, Brenda, but I was wrong. You’re deeper in my heart and soul now than ever before." He rose above her as she lay on her back, his muscles straining as he supported his weight on his forearms. "I can’t let you go, Brenda. I *won’t* let you go….."

Brenda arched beneath him as his words and movements brought her to a blazing peak. Jax followed soon thereafter and collapsed on top of her, his breathing ragged in her ear as he nestled his face in the crook of her neck. After a few minutes, he rolled to her side and then cradled her in his arms tenderly. The only sound in the room was that made as both of them tried to bring their heart rates and breathing back to normal.

Brenda jumped a little when Jax reached up to brush the sweat-dampened hair off her forehead. "I’m sorry," he murmured, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Did I hurt you?"

She turned in his arms to cradle his face in the palm of her hand. "No – I wanted you just as much as you wanted me. It was wonderful."

Jax shook his head firmly. "No, it wasn’t. It wasn’t what you deserve." He trailed his finger along the side of her face and across her nose to her other cheek. "You deserve it slow……and patient……and delicious." Brenda shook her head again but Jax stilled it with his finger as she inhaled to speak. "How long will it be until Jon wakes up?" he asked, a naughty twinkle in his eye.

"Probably a couple of hours. He’s been sleeping till almost 7 now that I’ve been putting some cereal in his last bottle at night."

Jax’s hand slipped between the sheets towards Brenda’s softness. "Good. You deserve hours……and hours……" He stroked the swollen folds of her femininity with his long, lean, index finger. "…….of this……"

Brenda grabbed Jax’s shoulder as the nerve endings sprang to life again. "No, Jax……you don’t have to……"

He arched an eyebrow at her in the dark. "I know I don’t have to, Brenda. I *want* to……I want to do this for you……." Brenda’s eyes fluttered shut as Jax started a detailed explanation of just how and where he would touch her. The sound of his husky voice combined with his actions nearly brought her to the place he described. "I know you never used to enjoy this Brenda, but what I really want to do……." When he described how he would give her the most intimate of kisses, Brenda felt like her heart would beat right out of her chest.

"Ohhhhh, Jaxxxx….." Brenda could barely form coherent words as the thought of Jax making good on his promises drove her towards another brilliant peak. "I want you……there……." Her head thrashed back and forth on the pillow. "Please……..want you….."

"And I want you, too, sweetie," Jax crooned. When he moved his hand again, he could feel Brenda’s powerful release against his fingertips. "I love you with all my heart, Brenda," he whispered. His lips slid across her forehead. "I just can’t lose you again….."

Brenda used her last ounce of strength to reach up and rub her thumb across Jax’s lips. "And I love you, Jax," she murmured, "and that will never change. I’ll never leave you – ever."

"Nobody ever leaves," he sighed in contentment, and pulled Brenda back into his embrace. The two of them finally drifted off into a peaceful slumber as the first rays of the sun started to warm the horizon.

*********

Brenda came into the study several weeks later and put her hands on her hips with a sigh. "Jax, it would make things a *lot* easier if you could just tell me where we’re going on this little "trip."" She held up a different shoe in each hand. "I mean, do I take this strappy little number….." She tilted her head towards the sandal in her right hand. "……for warm evenings in the Caribbean, or do I take this charming mukluk……" She leaned towards the furry snow-boot in her left. "……to prevent frostbite in the Antarctic?"

Jax leaned back in his desk chair and pushed away from his desk a little. "Well, I think I can safely assure you that it’s neither the Caribbean nor the Antarctic, Brenda." He folded his hands but then gave her a smoldering look. "And if it was up to me, you wouldn’t be needing any shoes or clothes at all since I’d never let you leave the bed in the hotel suite!"

Brenda returned Jax’s suggestive gaze as she walked slowly over to his desk. "Mr. Jacks, have I ever told you just how much I *enjoy* your plans?" She turned sideways to sit in his lap, looping her arms around his neck before kissing him.

Jax finally broke the kiss and traced her lips with his finger. "Oh, I’d have to say that you were pretty vocal about that last night!" Then he sighed and shifted her in his lap so that he could reach a file on his desk. "Seriously, though, I don’t think we’ll be able to spend this entire trip in the hotel suite. Jerry has promised that both of us would make an appearance at the shindig to kick off the Docks Renovation Project."

Brenda nibbled on Jax’s neck but then glanced towards his desk half-heartedly. "Is that the file on the project?" she asked innocently.

Jax inhaled to answer but then started to chuckle. "Ahhh, you’re getting too tricky for me, Mrs. Jacks." He flapped the file shut quickly and placed a hand over the label. "Thought you could find out where we’re going from the name on the file, did you?"

"Now, Jax," Brenda wheedled, "would I do something like that?"

She yelped indignantly when Jax stood up abruptly and let her slide off his lap, almost landing on the floor. "In a heartbeat, my dear," he replied with a smug smile. He snatched the file to put it in his briefcase but as he did, some papers fell out. When he picked up one of the papers, he swore under his breath. "Dummit! How did this get in here?" He frowned as Brenda stood up beside him, rubbing her injured posterior. "Robin is probably ready to skin me alive for not getting this completed for her……."

Brenda peered over his shoulder. "What is it, Jax?"

Jax handed her the paper before retrieving the others and returning them to the file. "It’s the employment contract we signed for Robin. She came to me a few weeks ago – it seems somebody at the Agency found something wrong with your signature."

Brenda tried to keep the blood from draining from her face. "Wrong? Wrong how?"

Jax shrugged, not really looking at Brenda as he continued to pack his briefcase. "I don’t know. She mentioned something about your signature not matching an earlier signature they had on file." He pointed towards the contract. "It’s probably just a case of sour grapes on the Agency side since they lost her services to us. Robin needed us both to sign it again just to make the bureaucrats happy, so I told her I’d get your John Hancock on it."

Brenda tried to act nonchalant while she felt like her world was falling apart. "Sure. No problem." She shrugged her shoulders and smiled as Jax handed her a pen. {What do I do? I have no idea how Brenda Jacks signed her name, and Jax isn’t about to let me stall my way out of this one…..} Brenda had scrupulously avoided writing checks since her "re-birth" or signing anything that might let her secret out of the bag before she had the chance to tell Jax the real truth. Things had been going so well between them ever since the day she went to see Miguel that she hadn’t dared to rock the boat.

She took a deep breath but when Jax glanced over towards her with a question in his eyes, Brenda knew she couldn’t stonewall any longer. Trying to sign her name differently than she had in the hospital, she scribbled something and then handed it back to Jax. "There. That should keep them quiet."

Jax didn’t really look at it closely but just smiled and tossed the paper into a desk drawer. "Thanks." He reached down to switch off the computer but then froze and looked towards the door. "Uh…..Brenda? I think I see trouble on the horizon."

Brenda thought she was going to have a heart attack – that Jax was finding fault with her signature – when she followed his gaze and saw trouble. Or, more accurately, Trouble. Trouble Jacks. The puppy was sitting happily in the doorway, gnawing on one of Brenda’s designer shoes. "Trouble?" she said in a low voice, creeping towards the offender. "Is that mommy’s good brown shoe I see in your mouth?"

"Yes, mommy," Jax giggled, speaking for the canine part of the Jacks family. "I decided that I like your shoes MUCH better than daddy’s!" He crept up behind Brenda, who was approaching Trouble cautiously with her hands out. "In fact, I think I’ve learned how to get into the boxes in your closet and find all the *yummiest* shoes you’ve got so I can fill them with doggy drool!"

Brenda straightened up with a gasp. "You’re right!" she said loudly. "Those *were* in a box that was stacked on top of some others way in the back!" Trouble realized that he was the center of attention and dropped the shoe, playfully raising his rear and wagging his tail in the air like a flag. "How did you get into those boxes, you furry little commando?"

Jax stood back and stifled his laughter as Brenda approached the culprit. But when she was still a good 3 feet away, Trouble sprang up, grabbed the shoe, and scampered out of the study, heading for the safety of the spot under the very center under Jax and Brenda’s bed. "TROUBLE!! COME BACK HERE WITH THAT SHOE!!"

Jax was still chuckling when he turned out the lights in the study several minutes later, his briefcase in hand. "The dog doesn’t like my shoes anymore, my wife loves me, and my son is the most perfect child in the universe. Life," he sighed with a smile, "is good."

*********

"Gun of a snitch!!"

Jax entered the bedroom of their hotel suite just in time to find Brenda fumbling with the clasp on her necklace. "Need some help with that, sweetie?" he asked, seizing the opportunity to nibble on her bare shoulder at the same time.

Brenda almost jumped a foot when she heard his voice so unexpectedly. "Oh, Jax!" she cried, the necklace falling to the floor as she pressed her hands to her chest. "Don’t ever sneak up like that on me again! You nearly took ten years off my life!"

"Sneak up on you?" Jax frowned and turned back towards the door to their bedroom, and then reached down to pick up the diamond choker. "Who else were you expecting? Mel Gibson?"

Brenda tried her best for a nonchalant laugh, but it still came out with a forced ring. "Yeah – that’s it. Mel and I had this big orgy planned for tonight so I was going to play sick and skip this big black-tie yawn."

The necklace fastened, Jax took her by the shoulders and turned her around to face him. "Seriously, Brenda – is something wrong?" He traced a finger over her face. "You’ve been in a blue funk ever since we got to Port Charles." He looked down, his cheeks turning a pale shade of pink. "I mean, I know it isn’t exactly Paris or Rome, but I thought it still could give us a nice chance for some time alone together……"

Brenda slid her hands up the front of Jax’s tuxedo shirt, a naughty smile lighting her eyes. "Then let’s skip this thing tonight, Jax! Let’s just both play sick and spend the night in that nice, big bed together and forget that the whole rest of the world exists!"

Jax took a long, shaky breath. "You don’t know how tempting that sounds, my love, but I’m afraid we have to make an appearance at this thing." He cupped her face in his hands lovingly. "I’ll make you a deal – go to this dinner party with me tonight, and I’ll spend the rest of our time here in Port Charles making it up to you – however you want!"

Brenda put on a brave face, but the truth was that she had been on the verge of a nervous breakdown ever since she saw the sign for the Port Charles City Limits. She and Jax had flown into JFK International and Jax had rented a car, although he was still mysterious about their destination. When Brenda saw familiar landmarks along the highway, she swallowed her fears. But when she finally got him to admit that their destination was a sleepy little town called Port Charles, she felt like her world was coming unraveled right before her eyes. When Brenda had lived in Port Charles, she had never been among the "movers and shakers," so she tried to calm herself with the thought that they probably wouldn’t meet anyone she had known in her former life. Edward Quartermaine – Ned’s mysterious grandfather that Jax finally admitted was his business partner – had only been a face on the front page of the newspaper to her.

Jax turned to get his tuxedo jacket, leaving Brenda to check her appearance once more in the mirror. {Besides – even if we do run into somebody that "I" used to know, they won’t recognize me. "I" don’t look like Brenda Barrett anymore. I look like Brenda Jacks. No similarity at all.} She pushed a stray lock of hair back into her upswept French braid and adjusted the strap of her silver lame, slip-style evening gown. The scoop neckline was the perfect venue to display the dazzling diamond choker Jax had presented to her just days earlier.

{I won’t mess this up. I won’t let this be a setback. Things are too perfect now. Life is too perfect …….}

Jax interrupted her mental fortifications. "Ready to show this hamlet what a *really* beautiful woman looks like, Mrs. Jacks?" He extended an arm, looking like the definition of male beauty himself in the Continental-style tuxedo.

"You bet, Mr. Jacks," she replied bravely. She linked her arm through his and hid the deep breath she took as they left their hotel suite. It was just a few steps to the elevator that would take them to the private dining room downstairs where the cocktail reception was being held.

An hour later, Brenda was beginning to actually relax and enjoy herself. The food and the champagne were excellent and plentiful and Jax was a charming dinner companion. Brenda noticed how he made sure to include her in conversations as much as possible and introduce her to all of his business associates with pride. "You OK?" he whispered in her ear when they got a moment alone.

Brenda nodded and took a sip of champagne. "It’s not as bad as I thought it would be. Your partners are really very nice."

Jax chuckled. "*You’re* the one who’s being likable, calling Edward Quartermaine "nice."" He shook his head and looked across the room at the elderly business scion. "I swear I never knew till now just how much Ned had put up with, dealing with the old coot on a regular basis."

They were sharing observations on Edward’s miserly nature when Jerry came up behind Jax and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Jax! Just the man I’ve been looking for! I want you to meet the man who managed to cut through all the red tape and make this docks project a reality."

Jax turned around slowly to face his brother, pulling Brenda to his side. As he extended a hand to the dark, short man who was with Jerry, Brenda felt like the ground had dissolved beneath her feet.

"Jasper Jacks – I’d like to present the man without whom the docks project would have failed – Sonny Corinthos."

To be continued……