Since there was some confusion after the first chapter, it might be good to review the facts to keep in mind when reading: There are two Brenda's in the story. Brenda Barrett lives in Port Charles. Engaged to Sonny. Her mother forced her car to go off the cliff. Had short hair, green eyes, no birthmark by mouth.

Brenda Jacks. Lives in California with hubby Jasper. Pregnant – delivered a son in chapter 1. Long brown hair, brown eyes, beauty mark by mouth.

*** I deliberately switched the physical characteristics so that the Brenda that Jax will fall in love with will resemble OUR Brenda.

Had an affair while married to Jax but her lover's name has not yet been revealed. It's NOT Sonny. Sonny is on the East Coast.

Brenda Jacks wants to die cause she's in such pain in labor. Her soul leaves her body willingly. Brenda Barrett isn't ready to die -- she hasn't experienced all she's meant to in life, namely a true love. Her soul leaves her body unwillingly. God decides to give Brenda B. another chance at life in the body of Brenda Jacks. So Brenda's soul was re-born in Brenda Jacks’ body.

{That’s right. I’m not Brenda Barrett anymore. I’m Brenda Jacks – I’ve got a son – I’ve got a husband who hates me for some reason – and I’ve got a HUMDINGER of an ache in my …..}

Before she could finish the thought, a petite brunette in a nurse’s uniform came bursting through the doors of Brenda’s room. "Hi! You’re awake!"

{Of course I am! You just try having someone push a football through an opening the size of a dime between your legs and see if you can sleep for long!}

Brenda blinked and smiled. "Yes!" {Do I know this person?} She glanced over at the crib. "I don’t think the little one is awake yet, though." She wiggled in the bed, trying to find a more comfortable position.

"Here – let me do that for you." The woman in white came quickly over to the bed and began re-arranging Brenda’s pillows so that she could sit in a semi-reclining position.

{D*mn. Why isn’t she wearing a nametag? That way at least I wouldn’t sound like such an idiot.} Brenda smiled weakly as the nurse moved back over to look into the crib. "Thanks – that’s much better." Brenda’s eyes narrowed as she studied the nurse more closely. "You’re not the same nurse who was here after the delivery yesterday, are you?"

"No, I’m not," the nurse replied, coming back over to Brenda’s bed with her hand extended. "I’m Robin Scorpio. Jax had requested that I be assigned as your nurse, but I had to finish a previous assignment before I was available."

"Jax….." {There it is again. It sounds like she’s saying it with an "X". Why is that?} Brenda tried to make the name sound comfortable on her lips. "Jax ….requested you?"

Robin nodded. "Uh-huh." She smiled warmly as she went to put her purse and cape in a closet in the corner of the room. "I was the nurse who took care of your sister-in-law, Lois, after she had their first baby." She turned back to Brenda with a smile. "Remember?"

{That’s a funny one, lady! If you *only* knew how funny that really is!}

"No," Brenda tried to return nonchalantly, "I guess I never paid attention to the nurse they hired." {So I’ve got a sister-in-law. So…..does that mean Jax has a brother, or a sister?} As Brenda tried to think of a way to question Robin further without her knowing it, God seemed to hand her an opportunity on a silver platter.

Robin was fumbled with something in her purse, and then straightened and walked over towards Brenda holding some legal-size papers in her hand. "You know – I just remembered. The bureaucrats at the Agency are all bent out of shape because only Jax signed the employment agreement." She stood by Brenda’s bed and frowned as she looked over towards a bedside table. "I think Jax said you were out the day he signed the paperwork ……Anyway, they need your signature, too…" Her voice trailed off as she handed Brenda the papers and began to search for a pen in the nightstand.

Brenda’s eyes devoured the papers while Robin searched. The "Agency" had agreed to provide private duty nursing round the clock for "Mrs. Brenda Jacks" after the delivery of her baby. Brenda leafed through the papers as Robin muttered a mild swear word and went back to her purse, still looking for a pen. When she came to the final page, she felt like it was 1890 and she had struck gold.

Her husband had signed the agreement as Jasper "Jax" Jacks. {So it IS an "X". That must be his nickname. Even the doctor called him that.} Brenda snickered softly to herself. {No *wonder* he prefers the nickname. I would too if I had a first name like Jasper.} She scanned farther and saw the blank line with her name typed under it – Brenda Jacks. {Hmmm…..wonder if I’ve got a nickname….or a middle name…..} The agreement had been signed in the same month and year that Brenda Barrett had been living that fateful day her mother took the wheel of her car. And Brenda was even more elated when she was able to solve another piece of the puzzle. She learned where she lived when saw that the agreement had apparently been signed at their home in a very posh section of Los Angeles, California.

{So – I have a home in Beverly Hills, a husband with a lot of money, a son, a sister-in-law, and some kind of niece or nephew --- but I don’t know anything about any of them.} She was pulled from her reverie when Robin cleared her throat and handed her a pen. "Mrs. Jacks? Are you OK?"

Brenda blinked rapidly and turned to Robin with a smile. "Yeah – sorry about that. I guess all that labor pain must have worn me out more than I realized. I just sort of zoned out on you there for a second."

"Yes, well I heard that you flat-lined for a few seconds during your delivery yesterday," Robin said gently. "I guess dying and coming back could wear out the most hardy of souls!"

{Lady, you don’t know the half of it.}

Brenda took the pen tentatively and then took a deep breath. {I wonder if I’m left-handed or right-handed. Oh, well, I don’t think this Robin person knows anyway, so it won’t matter.} She signed her new name with a flourish and then handed the papers back to Robin when an inspiration struck. "So….just out of curiosity…..have you ever had any other patients who …..who….."

"Had a near-death experience?"

{A whole lot closer than "near", babe.}

"Yeah – I guess that’s what you’d call it." Brenda waited anxiously for Robin to answer – maybe if any other people had gone through this same kind of thing, she could get in touch with them and find out how they adjusted to their new …… lives. But just as Robin inhaled to answer her, there was a knock at the door of Brenda’s room.

"Somebody’s got flowers!" A perky candy-striper came through the door carrying a huge vase of pink tulips. Robin took them from her and the candy-striper left the room.

"Aren’t these lovely? Where do you want me to put them?" Robin asked, coming back to Brenda’s bed.

But Brenda didn’t answer her right away. {Now, God…..that’s some sense of humor you’ve got there, Honey.} Brenda Barrett had always *loved* pink tulips – ever since her father wouldn’t permit her to cut the ones that grew in his prize-winning garden. "They’re gorgeous," Brenda breathed softly as Robin brought them closer for her to admire. "Can you put them over there on the dresser?"

Robin nodded and carried them to the piece of furniture Brenda had pointed out. She had no sooner placed them on the dresser than she turned to the crib, smiled, and looked up at Brenda. "Looks like somebody’s awake," she crooned, picking up the baby who was whimpering softly. Robin carried him over to Brenda’s bed. "I think your new son is hungry, Mrs. Jacks."

{Hungry?} Brenda stared down abruptly at her breasts. {Hungry! No *wonder* my boobs feel so funny! I guess they’re filling up -- just like Elsie the cow!} Brenda blushed a little as Robin brought the baby over to her in the bed. "I ...uh....I’m not sure that I’m ready to do this, you know. And please…..could you just call me Brenda? Mrs. Jacks just sounds so……formal." {And I’m still not used to it yet.}

"Sure, Brenda, no problem," Robin answered cheerfully. "And I’m really sorry, too. Sometimes my mouth gets ahead of my brain. Had you *planned* on nursing him?"

{Robin, as of 24 hours ago, I hadn’t even planned on there *being* a him, much less whether or not I’d be nursing!}

Brenda prayed she would be bluffing correctly. "Jax and I hadn’t really come to a decision on that one, Robin. We were just going to take it a step at a time and see how things went, you know? I mean....I know that some women can’t really get the hang of breast-feeding or sometimes the baby doesn’t get enough milk that way, right?"

Robin nodded sagely. "Absolutely." She smiled down at the infant in her arms. "Sounds like this little fella is going to have himself some great parents." She looked at Brenda, who was inwardly singing hosannas of relief for getting it right. "So....why do you sound so hesitant to try?"

"Well....they brought me the baby last night," Brenda stammered, "and let’s just say that he didn’t seem too happy with me."

"How do your breasts feel now? Hot? Full?"

"VERY, and BOTH!" Brenda laughed.

"May I?" Robin put out a hand while juggling the baby in the other and gently examined Brenda’s breast. "You feel like you’re full up now, mom. Want to give it another try?"

Brenda sighed and shrugged her shoulders affirmatively, and before she knew it, Robin was placing the baby in her arms and helping her undo her gown. "Now, if you stroke the baby’s cheek with your finger, he’ll turn towards it -- just like that." Robin gently rubbed her finger against the baby’s face and he immediately turned towards Brenda’s breast. "Then, I’m going to lift your breast just slightly….. If you push the nipple down towards his mouth, we’ll see if he’s got enough instincts already to go for it."

Brenda was tempted to make some kind of smart remark about Sonny always being ready to go for it when she remembered there was no Sonny anymore -- at least, not in this life. She briefly wondered what Sonny was doing -- was he mourning her? Was he overcome with grief? Did he have a memorial service for her? But then, all of her attention was drawn to the bundle of joy in her arms as he flailed one chubby fist in the air and stroked her breast gently.

"Oh.......oh, look at him, Robin!" Brenda was surprised to feel tears pricking the backs of her eyes. "Look at him -- he’s reaching for me!" Brenda felt a warmth like she had never known before rush through her body as the tiny baby instinctively rooted around for his mother’s nipple.

"That’s it, little guy....you almost had it that time," Brenda urged, holding the tiny body closer to her breast and stroking his soft cheek again with the back of her fingers. To her amazement, the baby turned his head, rooted for a few more seconds, and then latched firmly and securely onto her nipple and began sucking.

"WHOA! He’s a natural!" Brenda exclaimed happily, looking up at Robin with tears in her eyes. "He’s doing it, isn’t he?"

"Looks like we’re on the right track, Brenda," Robin said warmly. "Now....just try to relax."

Brenda inhaled sharply as the baby sucked strongly on her breast. "Easy enough for you to say!" She laughed a little. "I don’t think I’ll *ever* be able to do this on my own – at the very least, I’ll need to grow another hand!"

Robin joined her laughter. "Well, that’s what helpful new daddies are for!" she explained. Brenda tried not to look shocked, but the thought of the stranger that now was her husband touching her breast both unnerved and excited her. She was pulled from her thoughts as the baby continued to nurse contentedly.

"That’s it, my sweet angel," Brenda crooned, holding him closer as she felt every tug while he nursed. Robin just smiled. This new mom was definitely going to be all right.

*~*~*~*

It took a while, but John Jacks finally found his son. Jax was staring through the nursery window at the rows of newborns, hands clasped behind his back. John could see his face reflected in the large pane of glass that separated the infants from their new parents. His eyes were a stormy shade of gray, his expression firm and noncommittal. He came to stand beside Jax but the new father didn’t even notice him.

"You know," John finally said, breaking the silence, "your mother says this is the most wonderful place in any hospital." Jax turned stone-cold eyes on his father. "Lady Jane says that there’s nothing more innocent and appealing than a baby."

A wry smile finally graced Jax’s grim face. "That figures. Lady Jane has always *did* have a soft spot in her heart for the underdogs in this world." He looked back into the nursery. "Something about their being totally without guile, I suppose."

John shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other. "Have you held him yet – the baby, I mean?"

Jax finally spoke, his words a monotone. ‘No. They gave him to Brenda right after he was born."

"You’re the boy’s father, Jax," John said gently. "I’m sure that if you wanted to hold him, you could have."

Jax stared straight ahead of him into the nursery at the rows of crying infants. "Well, I’m his father for now." Jax took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "We’ll know for sure when the DNA testing is complete in about a week."

John Jacks grimaced and looked back into the nursery. "Which one is he?"

"He’s not in there, dad," Jax replied, sighing aloud and turning to walk away from the window. "He’s rooming in with Brenda. That’s the latest style, you know. The baby and new mother share a room."

John nodded in understanding. "Have you seen him since he was born?"

Jax shook his head. "I couldn’t. I just couldn’t face Brenda….not yet." He looked at his father with tears in his eyes. "But from the glimpse of him that I got when he was born, he’s got my eyes and the same cleft in his chin."

John clapped him on the back. "That’s a good sign, my boy!" He lowered his voice to a gentle murmur. "Why don’t you go see him, Jax? If he *is* your son, he deserves your love." John’s eyes grew cold. "Even if SHE doesn’t."

They began walking down a long corridor in the general direction of Brenda’s room. "She swore that he’s mine, you know," Jax said softly. "She says she was already pregnant when she….." Jax let the statement trail and cast his eyes down again.

John put his arm around his son. "Jax, you know that your mother and I would never have welcomed Brenda so warmly if we had known that she would betray you with another man."

"I know, dad," Jax replied, stopping where he stood. "I don’t think any of us suspected that she would ever be unfaithful to me. She seemed to love me when we got married." He shook his head. "I guess I must have been blind not to see it coming."

John pulled Jax over to some chairs in an empty sunroom. "At least you had the good sense to make her sign a prenuptial agreement, son." John ran his fingers through his hair. "Why you don’t just divorce her and put this all behind you is beyond your mother and me."

Jax’s eyes narrowed with purpose. "Because I would just be giving her what she’s wanted all along, dad – a big chunk of money." He looked in the general direction of Brenda’s room. "No, Brenda’s not getting a red cent of Jacks money. I know she wouldn’t get as much as if there wasn’t a prenup, but *anything* she would get would be too much." He folded his hands and propped his elbows on his knees. "Besides, now there’s someone else to consider." He looked up at his father with tears in his eyes. "If she was telling the truth for once in her miserable life, Brenda and I have a son together." His steady breathing faltered. "I don’t think I could stand the thought of my son spending half of his life with Brenda and …..him."

John inched forward on the chair and gripped Jax’s knee purposefully. "Joint custody may not be necessary, Jax. You *know* that Alexis is an excellent attorney. There’s no reason to think that she wouldn’t be able to convince a judge to give you sole custody."

"Brenda is the baby’s MOTHER, dad," Jax argued. "She’s not a drug addict, and she’s no criminal." At his father’s look of dismay, Jax went on. "Her only *crime*, if you will, is adultery, and her lover isn’t some moral degenerate. There would be no reason to deny Brenda at least partial custody."

"What about money, Jax? If she’s truly as much of a gold-digger as you say, she might be willing to part ways with her son if the price was right."

Jax surprised John when he jumped to his feet. "This is an innocent child we’re discussing here, dad! Not some corporate conglomerate with a price we need to hash out!" Jax rubbed his eyebrows in frustration as John rose to his feet also. "I’m sorry, dad. I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just – if that little boy in there *is* my son, he deserves two parents who love him."

John nodded. "Then go to him, Jax." His eyes began to mirror the frost in Jax’s as he looked in the direction of Brenda’s room. "Lord knows he deserves a parent who loves him – and he certainly won’t find that in his mother."

Jax rose grabbed his father into a hug. "Thanks, dad. Tell Mum I’m OK and I’ll give you both a call later today."

As Jax walked away, his father called after him. "Jax – the boy deserves a name."

Jax stopped and turned frigid blue/gray eyes back to his father. "He’s Brenda’s son, dad. Let her name him."

*~*~*~*

"How much more do you think he’ll take?" Brenda asked as she combed the blonde hair back from the baby’s forehead gently. The baby seemed to enjoy stroking her breast with his fist and make little cooing noises.

"He’ll let us know when he’s full," Robin answered. Brenda looked up to ask her another question, but then she gasped aloud. Both women were so busy watching the baby that neither one noticed that Jax had entered the room.

He was wearing blue jeans and a short sleeve sport shirt with a V-neck that hugged his broad chest like a second skin. His blonde hair was disheveled and looked like he had only recently combed his fingers through it. But all that Brenda noticed was the most amazing pair of blue eyes that she had ever seen in her life. They were watching her intently as she held their son to her bare breast. As she continued to be locked in their spell, they widened, first with surprise, and then with something that Brenda realized was akin to sexual hunger.

"Jax!" Brenda choked softly. He had walked slowly towards the bed while she was was nursing and now stood not two feet from her exposed body. She felt a flush work its way up from her toes as she tried to fumble and pull the nightgown over her nudity, only to have the baby cry out in frustration.

"No!" Jax put out a hand to stop her from feeding his son. He still couldn’t believe the sight before his eyes. Brenda had never talked about wanting to nurse the baby. He had never heard such warmth in her voice before unless she was talking about......him.

"Jax! Hi!" Robin rose from the bed, making room for Jax to sit. "Talk about great timing!" She looked down at Brenda, who was still trying to shuffle the baby and her naked breast in front of this stranger who looked at her as though he either wanted to kill her or devour her with kisses. "Now you can just help Brenda finish up with feeding your son."

"Oh.....I......I didn’t ....." Jax was obviously flustered and Brenda realized he was just as uncomfortable as she was with her nudity.

Just then, the baby decided to make his presence known. He let go of Brenda’s nipple and cut lose with a wail that reverberated off the walls. "I think your son is trying to tell you something, Jax." She smiled as she took him from a panicking Brenda and tried to hand him to Jax. "Want to try burping your son for the first time?"

"Oh...no....I haven’t even......." Jax backed away. "She can do it," he said, pointing towards Brenda as the cries intensified.

Brenda reached for him immediately. "I’ll do it," she said. "Somebody has got to do something soon. The poor little guy’s miserable." She put him to her shoulder and amazingly, a loud, moist belch echoed in the room. The cries diminished to whimpers as she continued to pat his back.

"There you go, my baby," Brenda crooned. "Does that feel better now?" She looked to Robin and smiled, and Robin turned to Jax.

"Why don’t I leave you two alone with your son for a while?"

Brenda tried to stop her, but Robin just waved and smiled as she exited the room. Jax turned back to look at his wife and child, who seemed to be doing far better than he was at this. "So -- how are you feeling?" His words seemed stilted as he moved towards the window.

"Better," Brenda returned, watching Jax and wondering why he didn’t seem more affectionate towards either her or the baby. Her gaze lit on the tulips. "Thanks for the flowers, by the way. They are *so* amazing."

Jax turned back with a start. "You like them?"

{Uh-oh. Maybe Brenda Jacks didn’t like flowers. But if she didn’t like them, why would he have sent them?} "Yes - I love them. Why?"

Jax walked coldly closer to the bed. "I just thought that you would probably be throwing things at the hospital volunteers by now since there was no Tiffany’s box to accompany them." He gave her a frosty look. "But I’m sure that you’ll go there just as soon as you’re on your feet again and pick out something appropriate for me to "give" you."

{She liked jewelry. And apparently spent his money for him. I can do that!} Brenda winced as she shifted position in the bed and shifted the baby to her other shoulder. "Are you sure you don’t want to try burping him?"

To her surprise, Jax stiffened and frowned. "No." The baby quieted again after another noisy belch. "You look like you’re doing fine."

Brenda sighed as Jax turned and walked away from him to stare out the window again. "Well, maybe once we’re home then you might want to try." She watched as Jax remained ramrod still at the window. "And a name! We have to pick out a name for him!" She smiled at the baby on her shoulder and stopped rubbing his back to caress his cheek lovingly with her finger. "After all, we can’t just keep calling him "him" or "the baby."

Jax never turned to face her. "I thought you would take care of all of those things. Feeding him. Burping him. Changing him. Naming him."

Brenda was about to make some comment about Jax being a chauvinist and not wanting to touch a dirty diaper when his comment sank in a little. "Jax," she said softly, "you should have a say in naming him. He’s *your* son too, after all."

Jax finally turned back from the window. "So you keep telling me, Brenda. But I guess we’ll know for sure in about a week when the DNA tests come back."

As the meaning of his words sank in, Brenda’s eyes widened and she stopped her gentle massage of the baby’s back. "She cheated on you.......she was unfaithful to you, wasn’t she?"

Jax’s eyes wavered between icy blue and steely gray. "Not she, my dear. YOU. YOU cheated on me. YOU were unfaithful to me."

"Jax," Brenda began, but he only turned away from her towards the window again.

"Don’t say anything, Brenda. I’ve heard you say it all before. It’s over. You won’t see him again. You want to try to make a fresh start together." He turned back to her, his arms crossed defiantly. "Frankly, there’s not a thing that you could say that I haven’t heard before."

Brenda shifted the baby down onto her lap and rocked him a little as she realized that he had drifted off to sleep. "Oh, I think there IS something I could tell you, Jax. I’m sure there’s ONE thing you haven’t heard me say before."

He walked very slowly to the bed, finally bending over so that his face was nearly touching hers. "And just what would that be, Mrs. Jacks?"

Brenda didn’t let him intimidate her. "I’m NOT Mrs. Jacks. My name is Brenda, but I’m not YOUR Brenda."

"What?" Jax’s face turned white.

"I saw YOUR Brenda yesterday, Jax. I saw her in heaven." Brenda took a shaky breath as Jax didn’t flinch at her words. "YOUR Brenda died, and I took her place."

To be continued......