Usually, Brenda’s bad dreams were always the same. They would start with the car trip with Veronica, and end up with either Brenda or Jax going over the side of the cliff and into the icy water. But this dream was different. This one was more of a trip down memory lane. And unfortunately, not many of those memories were good ones.

It started innocently enough. Brenda could see herself and her father, Harlan Barrett. Harlan was giving her his usual speech about "why can’t you be more like your sister, Julia?" Julia was standing somewhere in the same room, a smug smile on her face. The scene shifted to Brenda’s bedroom, where she could reach down and rub Princess’s soft fur to console herself. At least the dog loved her, if nobody else did.

Then time fast-forwarded to Brenda’s teen years. She and Julia were having one of their horrific arguments. She couldn’t make out the particulars – either Julia had discovered that Brenda had borrowed one of her Nancy Drew books, or Brenda had been jealous and angry that Julia got to go somewhere again and Brenda had to stay home. The only thing that was clear was the volume level and mood – extremely LOUD, and ugly.

The dream fast-forwarded again. She was dating Sonny, and they were arguing. This event Brenda remembered -- she had gone to the penthouse looking for Sonny, but he wasn’t around. When Johnny suggested she leave him a note, Brenda had innocently started looking through his desk for some paper and a pen. The ledgers and notebooks had looked harmless enough -- but once she started paging through them, Brenda was horrified at the names, amounts, and descriptions of transactions.

She could hear Sonny screaming at her in her dream. She tried to explain that she had only been looking for some paper, but he kept accusing her of spying on him. Later, Sonny had apologized to Brenda, explaining that everything he did was completely legal. But he had also made it very clear that she was never to touch any of his papers again without his permission. And he told her never to mention any of the dates or places she had seen in the books, or tell anyone about his connections with somebody named Benny.

Shortly after that, she and Julia had a huge argument -- Brenda could see Julia’s face as though she was in the same room. Julia was telling her that Brenda wouldn’t have to worry about competing with her anymore. Julia was leaving for London on a business mission for Harlan. He could trust Julia.

The faces all started to revolve around Brenda in her dream. Everyone was pointing at her, saying she couldn’t be trusted. Sonny, Harlan, Julia.....Even Jax’s face drifted into the mix, accusing her of being unfaithful. Nobody could trust Brenda. Jax, Sonny, Harlan, Julia.....Julia......

"Brenda?" Brenda sat up straight when Jax’s gentle voice brought her back to reality. Tears made wet tracks down the side of her face and she felt as though her heart was going to beat right out of her chest. "Brenda?" Jax asked again. "Are you OK?"

She gripped his arm tightly. "Jax.......what happened?"

Jax scooted closer to her on the bed. "You had another nightmare, love."

"Oh, no......oh, my God, was I screaming again?" Brenda put her hands to her mouth and tears flowed fresh.

"No, no.....I woke you before it went too far this time," Jax replied. He sat back against the headboard and Brenda finally noticed that his chest was bare. He had on the same black silk drawstring pajama bottoms she saw before. When he opened his arms to her, Brenda let him pull her into his loose embrace. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head briskly as Jax handed her a tissue for her tears. "No. I just want to try to calm down and forget about it."

She felt Jax’s chest rise as he took a deep breath. "Brenda......I know you said you didn’t want to get into it.......but....."

She looked up at him, her eyes still brimming. "But what? Did I say something?"

"You looked like you were reaching down next to the bed for your dog. And you kept repeating someone’s name," Jax murmured, softly stroking her hair. "Brenda......who’s Julia?"

{Well......at least it wasn’t Sonny. You’d have a heck of a time trying to explain who he is. But how can you tell him Julia is your sister? He said that "she" didn’t have any family. OK .....time to invent some creative history......}

Brenda took a deep breath. "Jax.......I don’t know why, but I seem to be remembering some stuff from my childhood even though the past ten years are a blank." She looked up at him innocently. "Does that seem right to you?"

Jax nodded slowly. After the night when Brenda had recalled Princess so vividly, he had called Dr. Mueller and spoken to him privately. But the doctor only confused the issue more for Jax – things would have been much simpler if he had just said that *everything* was coming back and Brenda was *pretending* not to remember recent events.

"The doctor said that if you do ever get your memory back, it could be spotty," Jax explained to Brenda. "You might recall things from a long time ago while the recent stuff might never come back to you."

{OK. That’s good. I’m cookin’ with gas, now.}

"Well .... I think that maybe the nightmare tonight was that kind of remembering thing. I could kind of see my father -- you said he left my mother a long time ago, right?"

Another nod. "Yes. When you were very young. You never really told me why."

She took a halting breath. "I think I know why, Jax. I think he had an affair with another woman and they had a baby. I had a step-sister named Julia."

{That’s not too bad. After all, it really *is* the truth -- Veronica *wasn’t* Julia’s mother. That’s why Julia never had to worry about Veronica passing the crazy gene on to her.}

"So Julia was your step-sister? Do you remember anything else about her?"

Brenda bit her lower lip. "She wasn’t around much – obviously momma didn’t like having her around since it reminded her of daddy’s affair. But daddy….." Brenda caught her breath and Jax held her tighter. "…..daddy…..always liked Julia…..better…..than me."

Jax sighed. "I can see where that would cause difficulties – feeling like you were competing with your own sister for a parent’s love."

Brenda grimaced wryly. "Difficulties is putting it mildly. We had some real knock-down, drag-out battles, Jax." She dabbed at her nose delicately with the tissue again. "And the sad part is……I really loved her, down deep. And I probably never said it."

"Maybe she knew anyway…." Jax’s voice was soft and gentle.

"I doubt it." Brenda laughed ironically. "I remember than when we were in 5^th grade, I had to write an essay about the person I admired most in the world. I wrote it about Julia…..although she never found out." Brenda looked up at Jax and he could see the tears gathering in her eyes again. "I made my teacher, Mrs. Livingston, *promise* never to tell Julia about it." She shook her head. "Now I wish I had never made her take that oath."

Jax cleared his throat and Brenda looked up at him again. "Brenda, I don’t exactly know how to say this, but……"

"…..you don’t believe me?" Her eyes were wide and trusting.

"I’m just finding all of this hard to understand." Jax ran the fingers of his free hand through his hair. "If Julia meant this much to you, why didn’t you mention her to me earlier? I mean, I’ve probably known you for close to five years, and this is the first time you’ve ever mentioned any family you cared about……"

{Uh-oh, danger, Will Robinson! Tread carefully!}

Brenda rested the flat of her hand against Jax’s chest as she snuggled into the warmth in the crook of his right arm. "Let me see if I can say this so you’ll understand." She re-adjusted herself and thought for a minute. "Let’s say that I *had* told you about Julia -- before my....death." Jax nodded his agreement to "play along" with her logic. "Now you know how close you and Jerry are.......how much you love each other, even though you fight like cats and dogs." Jax nodded again as one eyebrow lifted in understanding of her reasoning. "Now -- you told me that sh......I .....used to lie to you all the time.....so how do you think you would have reacted to a story out of the blue about a sister I hated ..... and who hated me in return?"

Jax cast his eyes downward in guilt. "I probably wouldn’t have believed you."

"Exactly." Brenda shrugged. "Although something tells me that sh......that we never exactly had too many of these heart-to-heart talks before, either."

Jax pulled Brenda’s head down to his chest and stroked her hair again. "Well, you never used to have these gut-wrenching nightmares before."

Brenda pushed herself up a little to look into his eyes. "Jax -- I’m glad you were here for this one." She blushed a little and her voice dropped to a whisper. "Thanks for helping me get through it." Then she smiled. "And you were right about the dog -- I remember when I had a bad dream as a kid, I would reach down next to my bed and pet Princess and I would feel better."

Brenda could hear the low rumble of a chuckle in Jax’s chest. "Well, that certainly made my day......coming in second best to a dog!" Brenda pulled back with a playful smile as Jax teased her. ".....And a runty dustmop dog, no less!"

She coyly slapped his chest but then snuggled down next to him. When he heard Brenda’s even breathing and knew that she was asleep again, Jax reached up to turn out the light. The moonlight streaming in through the windows provided the only light in the room as the husband and wife fell peacefully asleep in each other’s arms.

*****************

After all of the excitement at La Veranda and Brenda’s nightmare, Jax slept in late the following morning. He finally woke up around 9:30 when he heard Brenda’s soft singing. He looked around him in confusion, and then when he sat up in bed, he could see her on the other side of the room divider, singing softly to Jon while she gave him a bottle.

{Singing. Brenda singing.....to our child, no less.} Jax sat in bed and shook his head briskly. {This is just more confusing than ever. Now she’s got some half-sister that she loved so much but never told me about? But I guess she’s right -- I probably would never have believed her if she told me about it before, anyway.}

When Jax heard Brenda talking to Jon, telling him that he was a good boy for drinking so much of his bottle, he threw back the covers and got out of bed in a hurry. As intimate as they had been the night before, Jax wasn’t sure he knew what to say to her in the light of day. Better to first see her over a breakfast table -- fully clothed -- than looking soft and warm and half-naked in the privacy of their bedroom.

By the time Brenda had finished burping and changing Jon, Jax was gone. She really wasn’t sure what she would say to him in the clear light of morning. "I guess after all I’ve been through, I should know that things happen for a reason, shouldn’t I, baby?" she whispered to Jon, bouncing him in her arms.

About 30 minutes later, Brenda came out of the bedroom. Luckily, she ran into Thomas in the corridor. "Good morning, Mrs. Brenda," he said with a warm smile. Brenda took a breath to reply to his greeting but he cut her off. "Mr. Jax and Mr. Thao are already working on the lanai this morning."

Brenda put her hands on her hips. "Are you reading my mind again, Thomas?" she asked coyly.

But Thomas’s face was anything but playful. "I *understand* you, Mrs. Brenda. You need someone like that, I think. If you are to make Mr. Jax understand." Brenda inhaled sharply but then the smile returned to Thomas’s face. "I took breakfast down to the lanai a few minutes ago. Do you remember the way?"

Brenda relaxed and then put a hand affectionately on Thomas’s arm. "Yes, I do, Thomas. And thank you – for understanding." She went out the front door to follow the route she had the day before as Thomas watched her seriously. She paused for a few moments to take a deep breath and turn her face up to the morning sun. {If I haven’t mentioned it lately – thanks, God. I guess You’re really as smart as they say You are. Sometimes now, I feel like I never really lived until that day when You gave me this second chance. Now I’ve got friends, and a child, and…..} Brenda opened her eyes and looked wistfully in the direction of the lanai. Then, her hands formed fists at her side as a sign of her determination. {…..and a husband. And I’ll heal his heart, God. Just like You told me.}

When Brenda opened the gate to the lanai, Thao was sitting alone at the wrought iron table. He was thoughtfully gazing out at the ocean, sipping a cup of coffee. But when he heard the gate open, he turned towards it and smiled at Brenda. "Good morning."

Brenda walked tentatively towards the table. Her first impressions of people were usually accurate, but with Thao, she was still unsure. "Good morning." She looked around, clasping her hands behind her back. "Thomas told me that Jax was down here with you having breakfast. I thought I might join you……"

Thao immediately rose and pulled an extra chair over to the table. "Of course, please! Sit!" He pointed out towards the beach. "Jax usually goes for a swim in the mornings." He shaded his eyes with his hand as he sat back down. "He was going to cut it short this morning since he slept later than usual……"

Brenda reached for the pitcher of orange juice but Thao grabbed it first and poured a glass for her. "That’s my fault….his sleeping later, I mean," she explained. "I had a nightmare again last night, and Jax stayed up talking me through it….." Brenda looked up to find Thao looking at her oddly. "I’ve been having a lot of them since I…..well, since I flatlined….."

"A traumatic experience for anyone, I should imagine." Thao nodded but then he held out a hand towards the beach. "Ahh…see? I told you." As Jax walked up slowly to the table, he rubbed his hair with a towel. His boxer swim shorts hung low on his hips and when he saw Brenda, he brought the towel down and draped it around his neck. "So, did the ocean once again prove that you have grown old and soft, my friend?"

Jax gave him a cocky smile. "No, it only proved that it’s better to sleep late – gives the water a chance to warm up a little." He turned to Brenda. "How are you feeling this morning?"

She took a sip of juice and then smiled warmly. "Better – thanks."

Jax started rubbing his hair with the towel again. "Brenda’s been having a lot of nightmares since she …… well, since she had her difficulties during Jon’s delivery. She had a really intense one last night."

"So she was telling me," Thao replied as Jax sank into a vacant chair.

When Brenda poured him a glass of juice, Jax smiled his thanks. "I’ve told her she should consider seeing a doctor about them." Jax took a sip of juice. "After all, it’s not every day a person dies and then comes back….."

Jax’s words were interrupted when the gate to the lanai banged open and Miranda came rushing towards the table. "Jax! You won’t believe it! Cedge just called me …. he thinks he’s got enough support on the committee to get the bank to approve….." Miranda finally looked up from the paper she was holding to see Brenda sitting at the table. "Oh….I’m sorry," Miranda crooned weakly. "Thomas just said that you were out here having breakfast with Thao, Jax."

"That’s quite alright, Miranda," Jax replied. He rose from his chair and went to look at the paper she held in her hands. "Now what were you saying about Cedge?"

Miranda turned to Jax as though Thao and Brenda didn’t even exist. "He thinks he’s got enough votes on the committee to pass the financing for the deal!" She grabbed Jax’s arm in her excitement. "Cedge said he was going to send you a fax with all of the details as soon as he got off the phone with me!"

Jax grinned and then grabbed the towel from his chair. "Come on, let’s go up to the house. I slept in late this morning and haven’t had a chance to turn on any of the equipment yet." He didn’t even glance back at Thao or Brenda, but Miranda managed to shoot Brenda a triumphant smile before the two of them left the lanai.

Brenda finally broke the silence. "Cedge?"

Thao shrugged. "His given name is Clarence. I suppose in some circles, it’s considered an improvement."

"Wellll," Brenda drawled, placing her napkin on the table, "I seem to have lost my appetite this morning. I think I’ll just go up to the house and check on Jon if you’ll excuse me….."

Thao put his hand on Brenda’s arm and pulled her back down to a sitting position. "Leave them alone, Brenda. It’s business."

Brenda’s eyes narrowed for a few moments as she stared at Thao, but then she sat back in the chair and folded her hands in her lap. "You don’t like me much, do you, Thao?"

"What makes you say that?" Thao shrugged his shoulders slightly and then busied himself pouring cream into his coffee.

"Ohhh….just little things. Like you asking me to dance out of the clear blue last night at La Veranda – which effectively kept Jax from asking me," Brenda returned. "And the way you held me back just now……so that Jax and Miranda could be alone together."

Thao continued to stir his coffee, never looking up. "I have known both you and Jax for a long time, Brenda." He finally raised cold eyes to meet hers. "I realize that your amnesia clouds your perception of the situation. But I do not have that luxury. I remember everything you did in the past to hurt Jax."

Brenda looked down at her hands. "I realize sh……I did some awful things ….. some things that hurt him terribly……"

Thao’s voice was bitter. "You didn’t just *hurt* him, Brenda. You nearly *killed* him with your affairs and your cruelty." Brenda shifted uncomfortably in the chair, but Thao only leaned closer to her. "You didn’t just have a discreet fling…..you publicly rubbed Jax’s nose in it, flaunting your lovers so that there was no doubt in his mind at all that your love for him had died."

Tears started to run down Brenda’s cheeks, but not for the reasons Thao probably expected. It was so unfair – being condemned for crimes she never even committed. And she cried for Jax – how could "she" have been so heartless as to nearly destroy such a kind, caring, decent human being? She wiped the tears away with the back of her hand defiantly. "And you think that ……that ……that woman," she spat, "is any better for him than I am?" She looked venomously towards the gate. "She’s just a tramp who won’t be happy until she gets my husband all to herself."

Thao shrugged. "Miranda has told me frequently that she loves Jax. She has never done anything to hurt him, as you have. Perhaps she is not the ideal wife for him, Brenda, but at least the two of them can make a fresh start."

Brenda rose angrily but Thao did the same. As she tried to leave the table, he caught her by the arm. "Go back to Los Angeles, Brenda. Let Jax begin again. Let him find love with Miranda without the ghosts of the past always hovering just at the edges of his consciousness."

Brenda’s chest was heaving with unsaid words. Finally, she visibly calmed herself and turned to Thao sweetly. "Thanks for the advice, Thao, but you know what? I think you’ve been out in the sun too long this morning." Before he could react, she reached for the pitcher of orange juice and poured it over his head. "There. Maybe that’ll help a little."

Thao yelped and grabbed for a napkin to wipe the juice from his eyes as Brenda walked towards the gate. Before she left, she turned back to face him. "Jax is *my* husband, Thao. I’m not the same Brenda anymore. I intend to win him back, and when I do, I’ll love him enough to make him forget that there ever was a time when I didn’t."

****************

Miranda was standing impatiently at the fax machine when Jax entered the den. "Is that from Cedge?"

She turned at the sound of his voice, her breath catching in her chest at the sight of him. He had obviously showered and changed in a hurry because his hair was still damp and unruly. He wore faded, button-front jeans with the top button undone and a chambray shirt that he hadn’t bothered to button. His feet were bare and his chest muscles rippled as he briskly crossed the room to stand beside her. "Uh….yeah, it’s still printing out."

Jax took the sheets from her, apparently not noticing how his appearance had affected her. He read them for a few minutes and then looked up at her with a huge smile. "This is fantastic! Even better than the terms we had asked for….."

"I know!" Miranda peeked over his shoulder at the papers. "I took the liberty of skimming through most of it while it was printing." Jax nodded and then started walking towards his desk, still reading the papers. Miranda followed behind him like an obedient dog. He had reached his chair and was just about to sit down when she spoke again. "You smell good."

Jax looked up and a blush rose to his cheeks. "Thanks." He sat down in the chair, gesturing for her to take a seat on the other side of the desk. "I just thought it would be nicer if I didn’t smell like yesterday’s fish dinner while we were working." His gaze traveled up and down her frame quickly. "You look nice, too." Miranda smoothed the flared skirt of her clingy, sleeveless, bright aqua crepe mini-dress. "That shade of turquoise is very flattering to your coloring."

She preened in the chair. "Thanks. When I saw it, I remembered how much you liked me in this color." The smile left Jax’s face momentarily but then he looked back down at the papers. Miranda saw it and pulled her chair closer to the desk. As he continued to read, she reached out and placed her hand over the papers. "Jax…..I know we talked once before about how I feel about you…."

Jax shook his head. "Miranda, I told you I didn’t think it was appropriate …."

"….I know, I know," she interrupted. "You’re a married man and there I was, pouring my heart out and telling you how much I loved you." Jax looked away and Miranda moved her hand to cover his on the desk. "But all that’s changed now, Jax. You can give Brenda the divorce she wants, and then you can be free ….. to give us a chance……"

Jax’s head shot up at the word "divorce." "How did you know that Brenda asked me for a divorce?" Guilt stained Miranda’s face as she looked down into her lap, but before she could answer, Jax went on. "Thao told you, didn’t he?" He looked away briefly but then back at her. "It’s just not that simple, Miranda. Brenda’s……"

"….she’s changed, I know," Miranda said bitterly. "She doesn’t remember all of the ways she broke your heart, and she’s promised she won’t ever do it again…."

Jax’s face became grim. "It’s not just that, Miranda. We have a son together. I love him…..very much."

"And I would never stand in the way of that, Jax." Miranda leaned forward and reached for his hand again, but he pulled it away. "There’s no reason why you won’t be awarded at least joint custody." She bristled a little. "In fact, considering Brenda’s history, you might even be awarded sole custody." Then she looked back into Jax’s face and hers softened. "The point is, either way, I would accept him like he was my own."

Jax rose coldly. "That’s very generous of you, Miranda." He walked towards the windows and stared out at the ocean. "But Jon’s not the only consideration. Brenda *has* changed. She’s just so much warmer, and more considerate now." He laughed a little. "In fact, sometimes I find myself wondering if it’s still the same person."

Miranda didn’t budge from her chair and her voice was cold when Jax heard it. "You’re sleeping with her, aren’t you?"

Jax slowly revolved to face Miranda. "If by "sleeping" you mean having sex, the answer is NO, Miranda." He looked down at his bare toes. "There’s just a slight problem right now because Jerry’s house is being fumigated and we’re a little short on bedroom space." He finally looked back up into her furious eyes. "We’re sleeping in the same bed, but nothing more than that."

Miranda rose slowly and then walked to stand directly in front of Jax. "I won’t lose you to her again, Jax. I love you. She doesn’t. It’s that simple." She took a deep breath and then let it out slowly before handing him the rest of the papers. "It’s not love you’re feeling for her – it’s just guilt. You love your son, and she *died* while she was having him. You feel you owe her something, but you just haven’t figured out what." She turned and walked dramatically to the door, but then paused and turned to face him one last time. "I’m not going to stand around and let her take advantage of you feeling that you were in some way to blame for her ….. death. If you ask me, she should have stayed dead." She turned and slammed the door behind her.

Jax sighed and turned back to the windows. Almost thirty minutes later, Brenda came into the hallway just in time to see him exiting the den. He buttoned his shirt and tucked it into his jeans, and then ran his fingers through his hair. He was almost at the front door when he leaned over to tie his shoes, and then when he straightened, he reached into his back pocket to pull out his car keys. She opened her mouth to say something to him, but before she could, he slammed the front door of the house as he left in a whirlwind.

**********************

It was dark when Jax opened the front door again and then closed it quietly behind him. He put his keys in his back pocket, and then slipped off his shoes as he glanced at the clock in the entrance hall. Just then, it chimed – 10:15.

He tiptoed down the hallway to the bedroom and prayed that Jon was already asleep. After driving around for a while that afternoon, Jax came back to the house only to run into a jubilant Thao in the driveway. Apparently while Jax was out trying to make some sense out of his life, the bank approved the financing for their deal. The funds had already been deposited in Jax’s account and with FCC approval promised for the following day, their deal finally was within hours of becoming a reality.

Jax’s happiness was mixed with anxiety. His mind was still reeling from Miranda’s accusations about Brenda. Yet he couldn’t get the images of her out of his mind – singing to Jon; showing more love to a four-legged creature than she had probably shown to a two-legged creature – namely, him; crying desperately for opportunities lost with a half-sister he never even knew she had.

But Thao’s exuberance soon overshadowed Jax’s foul mood and it didn’t take much urging for Jax to agree to join him for a celebratory dinner at a local watering hole. An early toast to their victory soon turned into two, and then dinner, and then more toasts after dinner. Jax had remembered to call once around 4 o’clock to let Thomas know that he wouldn’t be home for dinner. But other than that, he had completely lost track of time – and the number of tequila shots he had shared with Thao.

Jax wove his way down the hall towards the doors to his room. He finally managed to figure out how to turn the knob and when he opened the door, a small bedside lamp on Brenda’s side provided the only light. Feeling lucky for yet another time that day, he slipped in through the doors and then closed them behind him. He turned back to face the bed and then let his weight sag against the doors, closing his eyes in satisfaction for a mission accomplished. Needless to say, he wasn’t prepared for his greeting at all.

He barely managed to duck when a small decorator pillow came sailing at his head. Jax’s eyes flew open when the pillow hit the doors with enough force to make them rattle. He didn’t have to wait long for Brenda’s matching verbal commentary. "YOU JERK!!!!!"

Jax opened his eyes as wide as he could, considering his inebriated state. "Excuse me?"

Another pillow came sailing, and this time it caught him full in the face. "I SAID YOU WERE A JERK, YOU JERK!!!!"

Jax rubbed his face with the heel of his hand to make the sting from the pillow soften. "Now, Brenda," he said, moving towards the bed with steps that were fairly steady, considering his condition. "You’re an intelligent woman. You should know that what you just said was extremely ….. redundant."

As he got close to the bed, he could see Brenda kneeling in the center, her hair loose around her head like some goddess of war. The expression on her face completed the picture. Her jaw dropped when he got close enough for her to clearly see his face. "Jasper Jacks!" she breathed in disbelief, "you’re not only a jerk – you’re a DRUNKEN jerk!!"

Jax sank crookedly to sit on the bed and buried his face in his hands. "Don’t call me Jasper – my mother calls me Jasper." He came up and turned to Brenda, looking so much like a lost little boy that it took all of her willpower to remain angry with him. "Have I told you how much I hate the name Jasper?"

Brenda sat back on her feet and crossed her arms. "You should have called."

Jax held up one finger sagely. "I *did* call."

"You *called* over six hours ago." She spoke to nobody in particular. "All you have to do is dial the number…..how much effort can it take to dial one lousy phone number…."

Jax leaned forward again and covered his face with his hands. "Ohhhh, God…….You ARE my mother."

Suddenly, Jax could hear Brenda’s ire building and she pushed hard on his shoulders, sending him off the bed. "You were with HER, weren’t you?"

Jax pulled himself back up by propping both hands on the edge of the bed. "Her who?" He belched softly. "My mother?"

Brenda put her hands on her hips as she continued to kneel on the bed. "NO, YOU IDIOT!!!! You know exactly *who* I mean – HER! Miranda!"

"No, I wasn’t with her." Jax shook his head so hard that Brenda almost thought she would hear it rattle. "I was with Thao…..just Thao and me…..me and Thao……Thao and me….."

Brenda nodded sarcastically. "Yeah, right…..just you, and Thao, and that…..that……" She sputtered and Jax finally opened his eyes to look at her. "….that flut!"

Jax lifted his eyebrows and rose up to a kneeling position in front of the bed. "Now look here, Brenda….I will not have you talking about my friend and neighbor like……" Then he suddenly frowned. "……what did you just call her?"

When Brenda saw Jax giggle a little, she lost some of her steam. "I called her just what she is…..a….." Brenda stifled a smile. "…..a flut."

Jax tipped his head to the side in concession. "Actually, that’s not too bad." He gave her an adorable wink. "I thought you’d call her a ditch."

Brenda rose up on her hands and knees to look him straight in the eye as she tried to keep a straight face. "Actually, what I should have called her is a hort."

Jax climbed up on the bed on his hands and knees, mirroring her stance. "And what did you think I was out doing with her all night?" He hiccuped once and then snickered. "Blewing?"

Brenda fought to keep her straight face. She leaned forward until her forehead almost touched his. "No. To be perfectly honest, I thought you two were……clucking."

There was about a ten second pause and then Jax straightened up and pointed to his chest proudly. "Yeah!" he giggled. "That’s a good one for me, you know!" He climbed off the bed, still not too steady on his feet, and then put his hands in his armpits, his arms bent at the elbow. "Because I’m just like that rooster in the Denny’s commercial…."

Brenda fell over on the bed laughing as Jax started prancing around the bedroom, singing totally off-key –

I’m just a love machine…

When he got to the "Yeah, baby" chorus, he dropped his voice at least an octave and wiggled his fanny suggestively at Brenda. She wrapped her arms around her stomach as she rolled on the bed, laughing so hard that tears came to her eyes. Jax finally collapsed on his side of the bed, flopping loudly, but somehow managed to hit the pillow with his head.

Brenda watched him wheezing silently for a few seconds, and then she crawled up to the top of the bed. She lay on her back next to him, her head on her own pillow. She almost jumped when Jax’s voice broke the silence. "Who told you about the almost-swearing?"

"Lois." Jax nodded, his eyes closed. "She said Lady Jane taught it to her after Brooke was born."

Jax lay there for a few minutes, his eyes still closed, before he spoke again. "I wasn’t lying, Brenda. It really was just me and Thao. We got the go-ahead on the financing for our project and we wanted to celebrate." He turned his head to face her and opened his eyes. "I should have called you again ….. I’m sorry it got so late."

Brenda smiled and took Jax’s hand. Jax turned back to stare up at the ceiling as she took a deep breath. "I’m sorry too, Jax. I never knew I could be that jealous, you know? But I just felt so left out this morning when you and Miranda were working together, and then Thao said some stuff to me…..’ She chewed on her lip as she mirrored Jax and stared up at the ceiling. "….well, anyway – I was just worried. It’s just not like you to stay out and not call. I guess I was so worried because I just……I care so much……" She closed her eyes. "…..I just love you so much, Jax."

Brenda waited tensely to hear Jax’s reply. When the silence extended for more than 30 seconds, Brenda finally turned to look at him. His eyes were closed, his lips were parted, and as she raised up off her pillow to take a good look, Jax cut loose with a snore that could have woke people in Seattle.

Brenda sighed and patted his chest gently. She got out of bed, took off his shoes, and then pulled the covers up over him. After checking on Jon one last time, she slipped off her own robe and then crawled into bed next to him. As soon as Jax felt her body next to his, he rolled to his side and curled one arm around her waist. He pulled her body to his possessively but then sighed deeply and snored again. When the echo of the snore finally faded, Jax nuzzled his face deeply into the place where Brenda’s neck met her shoulder. She looked back over her shoulder at him with a forgiving smile and pushed the hair out of his eyes gently. "Thanks again, God," she whispered, casting her eyes heavenward. "For giving me this wonderful……life."

To be continued…..