Standing under the pulsing spray of the shower, Brenda concluded that there was nothing she could do about the Martinique that day. She would have to fight her battles one at a time. Since she had almost slept till noon to make up for her restless night, and with the prospect of their "date" facing her that night, Brenda planned to concentrate on breaking through to Jax’s heart. Maybe if she was able to make some major strides towards a reconciliation, she could confide in him about the Martinique and he could help her decide what to do.

Pulling the shower cap off, Brenda shook her hair until it fell in loose waves down her bare back. She wrapped herself in a fluffy white bath sheet and came out of the shower, but she gasped when she heard a noise inside her walk-in closet. She was still standing, frozen in place, when Jax came out of the closet, his white dinner jacket and formal tuxedo trousers in hand.

Jax stumbled and froze when he looked up to see a half-clothed Brenda. "Oh......I’m sorry......." He looked around almost frantically. "I thought.......well, I heard the shower running and I thought you’d take your usual hour......"

Brenda was suddenly very conscious of how the towel barely covered her. She clutched the knot of the towel at her breasts with one hand while her other arm wrapped around her waist. "I....uh.....I slept in late today...."

Jax nodded, swallowing hard. "I miss......I, uh......well, Charles told me that you decided to pass on breakfast this morning since you had a bad night." He tried to stop himself, but Brenda felt his eyes roaming her body like a tangible caress. Then Jax stared at the floor awkwardly. "Did...did Jon keep you awake?"

Brenda shook her head and water droplets flew. "No. I just.....well, I had a lot of bad dreams."

Jax looked up into her eyes with sudden concern. "Like that one last week? About.....about dying?" Jax shifted his weight from one foot to the other, feeling like a pubescent school-boy. "Because I was thinking that maybe if you talked to someone about them, you might feel better."

"Like a psychiatrist?" Brenda’s voice turned cold.

Jax took two steps toward her, then stopped again. "No -- I’m not saying you’re crazy, Brenda." He ruffled his hair with his free hand, taking a deep breath before he spoke. "I’m sure that this whole dying and amnesia thing is a very traumatic experience for you. Maybe if you spoke with some kind of counselor they could help you…..adjust."

Brenda nodded in understanding, breathing easier. "I’ll think about it." They both stood there for several awkward, electric moments, but then Brenda pointed to Jax’s formal wear. "I saw that in the back of the closet. I never realized that you would need it for tonight."

Jax smiled a little, anxious to be discussing a safer topic. "Yeah -- I haven’t worn in it so long, I thought I’d better have Charles send it out to be pressed before tonight’s ......" He paused, then sent her a heart-melting crooked smile. "......date."

Brenda decided that perhaps God was helping her after all. Maybe she had slept in late and showered at this time of day for a reason. She walked closer to Jax, a shy smile on her face. "So.....when you take a girl on a date, do you feed her, too? Or do I just have to starve until the ballet’s over?"

Jax shook his head and smiled, staring down at the riot of damp curls that fell around her bare shoulders. "You’re milking this for all it’s worth, aren’t you? First the ballet, now dinner *and* the ballet?"

Brenda dug her bare toe into the plush carpet, angling her leg back and forth so that Jax was rewarded with a vision of her shapely thigh. "Well, we both *do* have to eat sometime.....unless you have other plans....."

When she looked up into Jax’s eyes, Brenda wasn’t prepared for the fire that she saw there. As bold and flirty as she had been, with the kiss goodbye and now this quasi-striptease, Brenda had realized long ago that if Jax ever *did* take her up on her offer and kiss her (or make love to her) it would probably be such a mind-blowing experience that she would pass out. Even now, the look of desire that burned in his eyes was enough to make her chest rise and fall with quickened breaths.

But then Jax swallowed hard and suddenly walked around her towards her door. Brenda thought that perhaps she had angered him until she heard his voice. "I’ll tell Charles to make reservations at L’Auberge Bretonne for 5:30. That should give us enough time to have a pleasant dinner and get to the ballet before the curtain goes up." He turned back to her, his voice strangled. "Can you be ready by 5?"

{YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!} Brenda turned back to him, carefully restraining herself from pumping her arm in victory. "I’ll manage."

Jax swallowed hard again. "Good. I’ll see you at 5 then."

He left her door, closing it gently behind him. After she was sure that he was gone, Brenda gave a little squeal of delight, dancing around the room and waving her towel over her head. When she got to the door of her closet, she stopped short. {What will I wear?} She glanced up at the clock in her room and then back at the closet. {Where’s a fairy godmother when you need one?} She rushed inside the closet and began the search for the perfect outfit to wear for the next skirmish in the battle for Jax’s heart.

*~*~*~*

Charles entered the foyer at 5:0l PM to find Jax checking his watch. "Jean-Claude mentioned that reservations were slow tonight, Mr. Jacks. I’m sure he won’t mind if you and Mrs. Jacks are slightly tardy."

Jax stared over Charles’ shoulder at the staircase grimly. "Slightly tardy?" He shoved his hands in his pants pockets. "Charles, when have you ever known Mrs. Jacks to be just "slightly tardy?"" Jax turned to a hallway mirror and re-adjusted his formal white bow tie. "I think that if you look up the word "late" in Webster’s Dictionary, it’ll have a picture of Brenda Jacks."

Both Jax and Charles were startled when they heard a female voice from the staircase. "Now, boys -- if I had known this was going to be a female bashing session, I would have called Robin down so that the sides would be even." She put a hand gracefully on the banister and began to descend the stairs slowly, kicking the hem of her dress out with every step she took so that she wouldn’t trip. Both Jax and Charles were silent until she got to the very bottom and gave them a sprightly smile. "Well?" She put her arms out to the side, turning slowly so that they got the full effect of her dress. She stopped when her back was towards Jax and looked over her shoulder at him coyly. "Cat got your tongue?"

Jax didn’t recall taking a breath from the moment he saw her on the stairs until just then. Brenda had summoned Robin to help her, and together they had found a dress in the very back of the closet that had never been worn. It was a bright red silk charmeuse, and it clung to her body like a glove. The neckline was rounded demurely in the front, but then dipped past her waistline in a deep "U" in the back. The dress was fitted, but when it got to the level of her knees, it flared broadly to allow her freedom of movement. It was sleeveless, but Brenda had also managed to find a red and black geometric print shawl in a drawer of her dresser that matched perfectly. She had draped the shawl around her shoulders, but when she modeled the dress, she allowed the shawl to slide down and pool in the crooks of her elbows.

Robin had gotten into the act, volunteering to help with hair and make-up. They found some diamond and onyx hair clips in "her" jewelry box, and Brenda had used them to secure her hair back on each side behind her ears. It fell in a riot of soft curls down her back, and tickled her each time she moved thanks to the cut of the dress. Matching onyx and diamond earrings twinkled when she moved.

Jax closed the distance between them, his eyes lighting like Roman candles. "You look.......exquisite." He stopped her when she tried to turn to face him, taking the shawl and sliding it up to her shoulders. As he did, his fingers traced a path up her bare arms, leaving gooseflesh in their wake.

Finally Brenda turned back to face Jax. "You look pretty exquisite yourself tonight, Mr. Jacks." If she thought he had looked handsome on the wedding video, she now realized that the wonders of Memorex still couldn’t capture the magic the man could create in person. He simply looked better than any male had a right to in formal wear. Although Brenda had probably seen the white dinner jacket and black trousers with black satin stripes several dozen times in the closet, nothing she had ever imagined could come close to the way Jax looked in the flesh tonight. His starched formal white shirt and white bow tie contrasted with the dark tan of his skin.

Jax suddenly seemed to snap out a trance and offered his arm to Brenda. "We should be going if we want to make the restaurant on time." Brenda smiled and linked her arm through his and they left, but not before she reminded Charles at least three times of Jax’s cell phone number in case Jon needed her.

As Charles watched the young couple drive away in Jax’s sporty convertible, he shook his head. If two people were ever meant to be together, it was them. He walked back towards the kitchen, muttering to himself. If they didn’t show some common sense soon and sleep in the same bed, he’d have to call his counterpart at the Malibu house. Thomas would know what to do to "help" things along.

*~*~*~*

Brenda smiled at the waiter as she finished ordering. "And I think I’ll have the Sole Muniere, please."

The waiter’s eyes shot up from his notebook, giving Jax a curious look. Jax looked over his menu at Brenda. "Are you sure? I mean...it’s just that you never liked the sole before."

"I didn’t?" Brenda shifted uncomfortably in her seat. {Oops.}

"No." Jax smiled benignly. "You always said it was too.....fishy."

Brenda paused for a moment but then laughed daintily. "Well, that was before I needed to lose those extra pounds from the pregnancy. It looks like I’ll be eating fish or chicken for the rest of my life if I can’t get rid of this spare tire!"

Jax smiled at her and turned to the waiter, telling him to bring him the same thing that Mrs. Jacks was having. After the waiter collected the menus and left, Jax lifted his glass of sparkling water in toast. "To....being different!" he said dramatically. Brenda nodded, clinked glasses with him, and then took a sip of her own water. As he set the glass down, he leaned back in his chair, still toying with the stem. "And let me point out that the dress you’re wearing tonight certainly shows that you don’t have a "spare tire" to worry about!"

Brenda blushed and looked down at her folded hands. "Sh......I’ve never worn this dress before. I wasn’t sure if you would think the color was too bold for the ballet."

Jax’s eyes locked with hers. "It’s perfect." He kept staring into her eyes and Brenda felt her heart rate accelerate. "Your dress, your hair...." He gestured towards her gently. "....the understated makeup, even your new fragrance.....they’re all just.....perfect." He tipped his head to the side, suddenly smiling and lightening the mood. "Different, but perfect."

Brenda sipped her water again and then decided to take a big chance. "Jax -- you’re probably going to think I’m crazy, but I just can’t help but wonder about something......about us......from the past....."

Jax swallowed hard at her serious expression. "Go ahead."

Brenda couldn’t look into his eyes so she toyed with the stem of her own water glass. "If we were always fighting and things between us were so bad, how did we.....I mean, Jon was just born, so at least 9 months ago we managed......" She suddenly covered her face with her hands, blushing a shade that almost matched her dress. "Oh....I’m just saying this all wrong!"

Jax leaned forward, folding his hands on the table in front of him. "You mean -- how did we ever manage to make love nine months ago if we could barely stand to be in the same room?" Brenda nodded silently, finally meeting his gaze. Jax took a deep breath. "About a week after I came home and found you that day with Miguel -- in our bed -- a charity function came up. You had promised that we would attend, and there was no way of backing out at that late date. We went, and I think that both of us probably had a bit too much wine to drink at the dinner." Jax paused, but then sighed and went on. "I don’t know -- back then I was so d*mn sure that we could still make a go of it. We hadn’t said a lot of hurtful things to each other yet. So when you started flirting with me during dinner, I thought that maybe you really had come around and were serious about starting over." He broke eye contact with Brenda, looking at the spot on the table in front of him as he continued to trace patterns on his glass. "We talked about it on the way home in the car, and you assured me that you didn’t want Miguel; you wanted our marriage to work. So when we got home and I kissed you, and you responded,.....well....."

Brenda nodded. "We made love...."

Jax looked up, his face suddenly stark. "We didn’t make love -- we had sex. Looking back, I should have realized that you didn’t love me anymore. But I was just too hopeful.....I wouldn’t face the fact that it was over between us." He sighed and looked down again. "Several weeks later, you informed me that you were pregnant, and I really thought our lives were back on track. Then I went to Bangkok on business, and when I came home early to be with you, I found out that you had gone to Lake Tahoe with Miguel for the weekend."

Brenda’s heart almost broke at the pain in his voice. She reached out to take his hand, but just then the waiter appeared with their salads. Jax seemed to shake off the sadness and for the rest of their dinner, the topic of discussion mostly mostly centered around Jon and his growth.

They arrived at the ballet at 7:50 and were shown to their seats in a sumptuous balcony box. Brenda settled into the velvet seat and looked down at most of the patrons, who were studying their programs intently. She leaned towards Jax. "Do I know any of these people?"

Jax glanced around him. "I don’t recognize anybody in particular." He sighed. "I told you before, Brenda -- the main reason you liked to come to the ballet was because Miguel liked it. Appearances are everything to Miguel, and showing up with you on his arm was a real feather in his cap." Brenda nodded in understanding, but before she could ask another question, the lights dimmed, the curtain rose, and the orchestra began to play.

The ballet had been in progress for about ten minutes when Brenda grabbed Jax’s arm. "Jax!" she whispered. "Look at that ballerina -- the lead, I mean!"

Jax looked around him self-consciously. "Brenda, if you’re going to gush about what a wonderful dancer she is, I told you I don’t....."

Brenda leaned very close to him -- so close that her hair brushed his cheek. "No! That’s not what I mean!" She turned so that her lips were so close that he could feel her breath in his ear. "She’s......well, she’s ....she’s FLAT!"

Jax pulled back and raised an eyebrow. "She’s WHAT?"

Brenda pointed discreetly towards the stage. "She’s got no boobs -- she’s FLAT!!"

Jax covered his chuckle, trying to look dignified. "Brenda, I think that’s just the way most ballerinas are built." He nodded towards the corps de ballet. "See -- all of them are......" He turned to her and snickered ever so softly. "......flat."

Brenda frowned and turned back to the stage. Not ten minutes passed before Brenda grabbed his arm again. "Jax! Look at that hero dancer guy!"

"Brenda, if you’re going to tell me he’s flat, he’s *supposed* to be! He’s a guy!"

"No! Look at him.......down there." Jax looked at the hero and then back to her. "Is he.....I mean, do you think.......is *all* of that …..HIM?"

Jax barely covered his snort of laughter this time. "I’m not sure, Brenda. I’ve never met him in person."

"Geez......" She shook her head. "It’s a shame that he can’t give her some of that to stuff in the top of her tutu."

Jax snorted again, covering his mouth with his hand, and a blue-haired matron behind them gave him a dirty look. He and Brenda looked at each other like two children who had just been caught with their hands in the cookie jar but thought it was enormously funny.

When the corps de ballet returned to the stage for a large production number, Brenda leaned towards Jax again. "Jax! Listen to all that noise! Here they come again....Dum diddy dum diddy dum diddy dum.....Bo..nan..za....." She hummed the theme song to the 60’s Western television series and Jax had to giggle despite the blue-haired lady. Brenda couldn’t let it go. She leaned over to whisper in Jax’s ear. "It’s good to be home, pa. Me, Hoss, and Little Joe went up to the North 40 and brought in the last head of horses."

Jax punched Brenda in the arm playfully. "I think that the noise is caused by the stiffening in the dancers’ shoes, Brenda!" He leaned back and they watched in silence for about 30 seconds, but when the corps exited, Brenda turned and made a raspberries noise with her lips, imitating a horse, that sent Jax into a fit of giggles.

About 5 minutes later, Brenda leaned to Jax again. "This is AWFUL!! How long do we have to stay?"

He looked around at the disgusted patrons who were sharing the box with them. "I think everyone around us would *pay* us to leave NOW!!!!"

"Then what are we waiting for?" Brenda grabbed her shawl and purse with one hand, Jax’s hand with the other, and in the wink of an eye, they were practically running from the box down the carpeted stairs towards the parking lot in front of the theater. They were still laughing when they got to Jax’s car.

Jax opened the door for her, bowing at the waist but still laughing. "You know, Brenda, I must admit – that’s more fun than I’ve had at the ballet in YEARS!!"

Brenda turned towards him on the seat, her eyes sparkling like a child at Christmas. "I *told* you that we would enjoy the ballet together!" She buckled her seat belt but when Jax maneuvered the car onto the highway, she turned to him with a pout. "Jax – do we have to go home now?"

"Why?" He nodded his head in the direction from which they’d come. "You haven’t changed your mind about the ballet, have you?"

Brenda shifted so that she faced straight ahead in her seat and crossed her arms. "No – but I’m just not ready to go back home yet, either."

"What about Jon?" Jax glanced at her, keeping one hand draped lazily over the steering wheel. Despite his attempt to be nonchalant, Jax couldn’t hide the fact that his expression was a mixture of childish glee and hope

"Robin said she’d take care of him tonight....I pumped several bottles for him before we left." Brenda folded her hands meekly in her lap. "I get the impression Robin thinks this evening is our romantic.......reunion." Jax didn’t respond, and they rode silently on the highway for a few minutes. Then her eyes widened and she turned to him anxiously. "Let’s go there!" she said, pointing to a sign on her right. "There, Jax! Turn in there!"

Jax almost missed the turnoff. "You want to go THERE? Are you sure?"

"Yes!" Then her eyes shot him a challenge. "Unless you don’t think you’re up to the competition....."

Jax gave her a "dominant male" look and turned the car so fast it made her squeal with delight. Several minutes later, Jax helped Brenda out of the car as she gazed at the brightly-lit carnival booths. Jax caught her hand as he slammed the car door shut. "You know -- we’re getting a lot of strange looks. Are you sure you’re game for this?"

Brenda chewed on her lower lip and then gave him an impish smile. She slid her hands up his chest to push his formal dinner jacket off his shoulders and down his arms. While he shrugged out of it and tossed it back into the car, she undid his formal bow tie so that it hung loosely on his shirt. Then she reached up and took out the diamond hair clips, shaking her head so that her hair cascaded around her face. She dropped them into her purse, and then reached out to take his hand. "There? Is that better?"

Jax looked down at her elegant satin gown and his own tuxedo pants. "Much! Let’s go!"

For the next hour, Jax and Brenda became ten year olds again, playing all the carnival games that they could. They raced remote control boats and he won, beating her across the finish line at the last minute. Brenda surprised him when she managed to pop three balloons with darts and win him a stuffed teddy bear, which Jax promptly announced he would give to Jon. Jax bought her a large stick of pink cotton candy, and they walked along the midway, feeding each other the sticky confection. Brenda oohed and aahed at Jax’s muscles when he swung the sledgehammer and rang the bell at the top of the pole. When he was rewarded with a blonde kewpie doll, he gave it to Brenda, and she announced it would be added to Jon’s growing collection of toys from his parents’ adventure.

They had nearly reached the end of the carnival stands when Brenda saw it. "Oh, Jax! Look!" She grabbed his hand eagerly and pulled him towards a large building set near the end of the pier. "Let’s go in here!"

Jax stared up at the sign above the building. "Pacifica Planetarium? Brenda, are you sure?"

"Oh, Jax, I LOVE the planetarium in Por......this place!" She had to catch herself quickly. Brenda Barrett hadn’t been to a planetarium since she was a teenager in Port Charles. In better days – before they turned into enemies – Brenda and her older sister, Julia, had spent many nights sneaking out to the Port Charles Planetarium. They would lie on their back, watch the colored lights dance during the laser show, and talk about…..what else?….boys. She grabbed his hand and they went inside.

Brenda giggled as they walked into the main auditorium. "You know, I think that pillow vendor almost had a heart attack when you told him he could keep the change from that twenty dollar bill for two, $2 pillows!" Jax shrugged meekly, but then Brenda pointed to a spot on the floor after she looked up at the ceiling. "Here! Let’s sit here!"

As Jax settled his lanky frame down onto the low chair, he adjusted the pillow behind his back. "So you really enjoy this place?"

Brenda waved as she settled herself in. "Oh, sure. Why....I come here all the time, although I guess it’s been about two years since I came here last." Jax opened his mouth to say something, but just then the lights began to dim. "Shh....Jax, it’s starting!"

Jax gradually became accustomed to the darkness but then the entire room was brought to blazing light as lasers began to dance on the ceiling. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen," the announcer intoned, "and welcome to Pacifica Planetarium’s tribute to the ‘70’s! Just lie back, relax, and enjoy something truly unique -- a *legal* psychedelic experience!"

As laughter rippled through the audience, the hard driving beat of The Who filled the room. "Pinball Wizard" and music from the rock opera, "Tommy," made Jax wince a little at first, but then when the lights began to play in shades of red, blue, and orange across the ceiling, mixed with planetary configurations, his mouth dropped in awe. The music shifted into Santana -- "Black Magic Woman" thrummed through the room. Brenda felt some of the tension flow out of her body as she relaxed against the pillow. Yet she couldn’t ignore the fact that her husband’s large, warm, inviting male body was resting so close to hers that they touched at the hip. The song didn’t end, but flowed into the Latin beat of "Oye, Como Va."

As the lights were flashing and dancing, Brenda felt Jax lean closer to her. "This is amazing – it’s like watching the inside of a kaleidoscope!" He chuckled a little. "I should tell Jerry to come here and mellow out when the business starts driving both of us crazy!"

Brenda nodded, but just then the lights blacked out and the music stopped. After a pause of a few seconds, a solitary piano sounded the introduction to the romantic ballad sung by Bread.

If a picture paints a thousand words,

The lights became muted shades of blue and lavender. They wove in and out, creating a magical, sensual spell that was hard to ignore.

If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,

{Oh, God.....tonight has been so perfect. I feel like I’m really making some progress here. But how can I ever hope to erase all the bad things she did to him? How can I get through to him when she hurt him so badly?}

Just as quickly as it started, the slow music faded into another tune, the word "Journey" flashing up on the ceiling, naming the performer.

Lying beside you, here in the dark

The music wasn’t only affecting Brenda. Jax stole a glance at her once, trying to figure out who the woman next to him really was. {God, it’s so bloody confusing! She’s so…..different. Tonight has just been …. amazing. Could it be like that with her all the time?}

Brenda felt tears stinging her eyes at the words of the song, but when she reached up to wipe them away quickly and she lowered her hand to her side, she felt warm fingers under hers. In the dark, she had inadvertently put her right hand back down on top of Jax’s left. She was about to pull it away when she felt his hand turn over, his palm facing hers. Brenda held her breath, but it rushed out when she felt Jax lace his fingers through hers. As the song continued, he grasped her hand tightly, his thumb tracing lazy patterns on top of the back of her hand.

Abruptly, the music began to pulse with a pounding beat again. Heavier, driving rock music by Journey flooded the room with a blare of guitars. Brenda didn’t dare question it when Jax continued to hold her hand through the remainder of the show, or when he leaned closer to her, whispering in her ear about the selections from The Who that closed the display.

When they came back out into the brisk night air, Brenda shivered a little. "I shouldn’t have left my jacket back at the car," Jax murmured. But without another word, he pulled Brenda under his arm, wrapping her securely there to keep her warm as they walked slowly back to the car in the moonlight.

Jax put the roof up on the drive home as they rode in silence. They were waved through as soon as they got to the main gate of Jax’s estate, and still not a word was spoken. Jax shut off the engine, but just as Brenda turned to him to say something, he jumped out and ran around the front of the car to open her door.

When Jax held out his hand to assist her from the car, he finally broke the silence. "Thank you for tonight."

Brenda’s mouth dropped open in surprise as he slammed the car door behind her. "*You’re* thanking "me* for forcing you to go to the ballet tonight?"

Jax grinned and stared down at his feet, shuffling them nervously. "No -- not for the ballet, or for the carnival, or for the light show -- although I enjoyed them all." He put his hands on her shoulders, pulling her closer. "I wanted to thank you for giving me *you* tonight."

{I gave him ME? What’s he talking about? Does he mean sex?} Brenda coughed a little. "Jax -- it’s a very lovely thing to say, but I don’t think I understand. How did I give you *me* tonight?"

"I guess it *is* hard for you to understand since you don’t remember how things were before." He let go of her shoulders and shoved his hands in his pockets. "It’s just that whenever we used to go out, to a dinner or the theater or something, it always felt like you were there because you were Mrs. Brenda Jacks. You were always more concerned about what everyone was saying about your dress, or who was escorting Betsy Worthington for the evening, or why Ashley Hampton wore her hair a certain way. I could have been one of those blow-up dummies for all you cared. I was just part of the scenery -- something for you to lean on when you took my arm."

Brenda’s heart ached, but then Jax got a wistful sparkle in his eye. "But tonight -- you paid attention to *me*. When I said something or told you a story, you only looked at *me*. You listened to *me* as though nobody else in the world was talking. When we were at that carnival, nothing that anyone else did, or said, or thought mattered to you -- only me." He grinned and shook his head. "I’ve never been the center of your world before -- at least, not for a long time."

Brenda walked with him to the house, and turned to face him as they stood in the dim light cast by the porch lanterns. "Jax, I never realized it was like that for you before....." She stopped him as he put his keys in the lock to open the front door, laying her hand gently on his arm. When he turned to look in her eyes, she decided to go for broke. "It doesn’t have to be that way anymore, Jax. It can be like this all the time….for us." She came closer to him, standing on her tiptoes so that her lips came closer to his. "Instead of our "last" date, we can make it our "first.""

Jax caught his breath as her lips came so close, tempting him madly. But then he pulled back at the last minute. "I don’t think that would be a good idea, Brenda." His eyes grew misty. "Because you and I both know that no matter how good it is now, it’s going to end." He turned back to the front door as Brenda sank back down, hurt and confused. Jax let the front door swing wide open, the two of them framed in the entrance. "Being the recipient of your undivided attention can be very …… addictive. If I enjoyed it for very much longer, I don’t know how I could manage to give it up again."

They walked further into the entranceway and Jax closed the front door behind them, locking it. Brenda turned her face away from him and chewed her lower lip, tears gathering in her eyes. But as she was about to go up the stairs in humiliation and defeat, Jax surprised her. He grabbed at her arm, spinning her back around to face him and catching her chin between his fingers, lifting her face to his. "But there’s one thing that I want you to know – for as long as I live, I’ll never forget tonight. It was a wonderful last date, Brenda, and I’ll be grateful to you for it for the rest of my life." Jax leaned down to her and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead, his lips burning her skin where they touched. "Good night, love."

Brenda closed her eyes when he gave her the gentle kiss, but then she heard his footfalls on the carpeted stairs as Jax ran up. She stood in the entranceway until she heard the slam of Jax’s bedroom door. Her shoulders drooping in defeat, Brenda grabbed the banister and started the long trip up the stairs to her own lonely bedroom. She had failed again.

*~*~*~*

Jax leaned against his bedroom door, breathing hard, tears misting his eyes. He bit his lower lip, and pulled the loose ends of his formal tie from around his neck, throwing it on the bed as he passed. Standing by the windows facing the lush gardens of the estate, he looked up at the moon and sighed.

{You wanted to kiss her. She wanted you to kiss her. Everything was so perfect tonight. Why can’t you just believe that she’s changed? Lois believes it. H*ll, even Jerry and dad seem to be convinced that she won’t go back to the way she was before. Why can’t you just take a chance?}

But then he remembered. If he just hadn’t noticed the bronze dedication plaque at the entrance to the Planetarium. The one that proved her memory was coming back and she was lying to him…..again. The one that said that she couldn’t have been there two years earlier. The one that said that the Pacifica Planetarium opened to the public on December 1, 1998.

*~*~*~*

Brenda closed the door to her own bedroom, slid the shawl from around her shoulders, threw it on one of the upholstered chairs and walked to one of the windows. She stared out at the perfect, moonlit night and the tears she had been holding back flowed down her cheeks. {We were *so* close tonight, God! I know I could have reached him! If he just didn’t have his heart locked up so tight – if "she" just hadn’t broken it so badly the first time around!}

Brenda went into her bathroom and splashed some water on her face, but it only added to the wetness already there from her crying. She changed into a very unglamorous, non-sexy nightshirt, leaving her beautiful evening dress in a crumpled heap on the bathroom floor. {Probably no worse than "she" would have done under the same circumstances.} She turned off the bathroom light and walked slowly to her bed, throwing herself down on her back and staring at the ceiling. Suddenly, even in a prone position, her shoulders straightened and her expression became one of grim determination.

{You can do this, Brenda. You can still get through to him – you almost did it tonight. If you just be yourself – not "her" – it’ll work. It may take some time, but it’ll work.} She almost smiled, but then her face dropped again. {Of course, the decades you’ll have to spend in prison for stealing the Martinique may put a little crimp in your timetable.}

Rolling to her side, Brenda decided to try to get some sleep. Maybe everything would look better in the light of day. Maybe God would finally listen to her prayers and send her some help.

*~*~*~*

The nightmare started like all the others had. She was in her car, driving with her mother with Port Charles. But then, a fog dropped before her eyes, and the dream changed dramatically.

Brenda wasn’t in the car anymore. She was standing at the side of the road and Miguel was holding her tightly in his arms. Jax was driving the car, Jon was in his safety seat, and Veronica was nowhere around. As Jax and Jon got near the sharp curve, Miguel leaned down to whisper in her ear. "I fixed the steering, querida. Now you will no longer have your ex-husband or your son to distract you."

Brenda screamed, but no sound seemed to come out of her mouth. She watched as in horrified slow-motion, Jax pumped at the brakes of the car with no result. She saw Jax’s terror as the car broke through the railing and hurtled off the cliff. She struggled in vain to escape Miguel, but she couldn’t go to Jax or her son. "They’re gone now, Brenda. You took the Martinique from me, so I had to take your husband and son from you."

Brenda began to moan and thrash around in the bed as the nightmare started again. She could see Jax and Jon so clearly, and hear Miguel’s words in her ear. She could feel the tears on her cheeks. Again and again, she had to watch as the car broke through the barrier and she could hear Jax’s scream of agony. Finally, she managed to make a sound, sitting straight up in bed.

"JAAAAAAAXXXXXX!!!!!"

To be continued….

Music credit: "If" by David Gates, recorded by David Gates and Bread.

"Open Arms," by Steve Perry and Jonathan Cain, recorded on the album

"Escape" by Journey