Brenda couldn’t remember much after the car she was driving hit the water. After Veronica had yanked the wheel and made the car swerve, Brenda vaguely recalled hearing the sound of breaking glass above her mother’s screams. As they dropped towards the surface of the water, time seemed to be flying by in some kind of slow-motion surreal fashion.

Nothing prepared her for the impact when the car hit the water. She was immediately jolted into a state of semi-consciousness. The car bobbed in the water for about 15 seconds before it began to sink rapidly.

{This is like that movie, Titanic. Sonny never liked it, even though I made him go with me.}

As the car sank even deeper and the water pressure increased, the windows popped out. Brenda felt the frigid water envelop her, but then suddenly, a strange warmth began to pull at her.

{I can’t do this! I can’t die now, God! I have too much to live for! I’m happy, and I’m in love with Sonny, and we’re going to be married!}

Brenda never felt the water close around her, cutting off the supply of oxygen. Instead, she felt like she was floating in the sky above the water, more of a spectator to the event than a participant. She heard an anguished man screaming her name, and as she turned in slow-motion to look back at the edge of the cliff, she could see Sonny, cupping his hands around his mouth. Was he crying?

{Please, God, don’t do this to me now! There’s so much I haven’t experienced yet in life! I want to grow old with the man who loves me, and have his children, and watch them grow up, and play with grandchildren of my own someday. Please……I can’t die yet!}

She wanted to drift closer to him – there was a flurry of activity around him as emergency vehicles began arriving. They were all pointing down at the water, but when Brenda looked down there herself, all she could see was the churning of the angry waves.

{I’m here, Sonny! I’m still up here! Don’t be sad!}

Brenda grew frustrated as she tried to make Sonny aware of her presence but then suddenly, she felt herself being pulled into a brilliant, swirling vortex of light. After what seemed like a few seconds, the haze cleared, and she was nowhere near the bluffs or the water or Sonny.

{Uh-oh. This is bad. Something tells me this isn’t Kansas anymore.}

It felt like a beautiful garden. Sure looked like one – magnificent, brightly-colored flowers grew everywhere. Sunshine warmed her skin and just the gentlest hint of a breeze kissed her skin. The colors and the smells were all so much more vibrant than any she had ever seen before in her life.

{Gee, duh, Brenda….that’s because this isn’t *life* anymore.}

As she turned around, she noticed that there was a beautiful bridge over a softly-gurgling creek off to the right. She began walking towards the bridge. She noticed there were no animals or birds in the garden, although she distinctly heard a pleasant song in the background. As she grew closer to the bridge, she began to see a bright white light grow in intensity. All she had to do was cross the bridge and she could get to the light just beyond it.

As Brenda stepped onto the bridge, she was surprised that it didn’t give way under her weight. It seemed to be made of spun glass, and it sparkled and flashed with a glow that strangely didn’t hurt her eyes. Just as she was about to take another step on the bridge towards the light, she heard a voice in her head – her mother’s. Bits and pieces of a conversation they had had just days before came drifting back to her.

They had met for lunch and went shopping for more clothes for Brenda’s trousseau. As they both sipped at their coffee and waited for the check, Veronica had reached out a hand to cover Brenda’s. "Honey, are you really sure that you’re doing the right thing?"

"Marrying Sonny?" Brenda gasped. "Of *course* I am, mother. He’s perfect for me. We were meant to be together."

Veronica’s eyes looked sad. "Oh, sweetie – I know you don’t want to hear this, but I just think that he’s not the man for you." As Brenda tried to pull her hand away, Veronica held it fast. "Brenda, he just doesn’t love you the way you deserve to be loved. Oh, I know he probably pleases you physically…." Brenda blushed a little. "…..and he buys you things and he dotes on you. And I know I’ve only met him twice and you think my viewpoint is addled by the disease, anyway."

Brenda caught her breath. Her mother’s fragile mental state had been so good lately. Brenda never ceased to be amazed at the frank way in which her mother handled the malady that would eventually rob her of her sanity.

"But – oh, I don’t know, Brenda – he just doesn’t seem like your soul mate, if there is such a thing," Veronica continued. She looked down at the tablecloth in embarrassment. "I know I’m probably handling this all wrong." She sighed and reached up to caress Brenda’s cheek. "I just wish you had a best girlfriend who you could talk to this about – she would probably be able to handle it much better than I am."

"You’re not making me upset, momma," Brenda had replied gently, leaning into her mother’s caress. "But I don’t need a best girlfriend to tell me that Sonny and I are perfect for each other. We’re all we’ll ever need."

What Brenda hadn’t told her mother was that she had been having dreams lately that were strangely similar to what her mother was saying. It was her wedding, and just as she and Sonny were about to exchange vows, there was a commotion at the back of the church and a man appeared. She couldn’t see him clearly, or at least he didn’t look like anyone that she knew. His face was blurry, and the more she tried to see who it was, the quicker the dream faded into consciousness.

A soft breeze stirred the hair at Brenda’s cheek and brought her back to ……where ever this was. {Maybe Momma was right.} She looked up at the bright light and as she slowly tried to move towards it on the crystal bridge, her feet felt like lead. {Oh, God….what if Momma *was* right? It’s just not fair for me to be dying like this! Would I have ever found that man in my dream? Would I ever have had a best girlfriend to help me figure things out? It’s just too soon! Please, God……let me have another chance!}

Brenda looked around her, but she was alone in the garden. The bright light was still beckoning to her, and so she sighed and started walking towards it again. That’s when she heard the other voice.

"Please – God – let me die! Please take the pain away!"

It was a woman’s voice. Brenda frowned and turned back towards the garden and away from the light. The voice seemed to be coming from somewhere beyond the garden.

"Oh, my God, please – I just want to die! Let me die and end the pain!"

Brenda gasped to herself when, out of nowhere, a young woman appeared at the edge of the garden. {This must be a really busy day for them. Hope St. Peter’s got all the paperwork ready or else things are gonna start backin’ up on him.}. Brenda knew she was staring at the young woman, but she didn’t care. It was hard not to stare when she looked so much like herself.

Oh, there were some differences – in clothing, for example. Brenda still had on the crop top and pants that she was wearing when her car left the steep bluffs near the Port Charles River. The other woman was wearing a hospital gown and was barefoot. But as Brenda watched her approach the bridge, the young woman didn’t seem to care.

Her dark hair seemed to float around her. Brenda noticed that the other woman’s hair was longer than her own short bob, and her eyes were brown and lustrous where Brenda’s were green. The other woman had a tiny birthmark next to her mouth, and Brenda caught herself just in time before she giggled. {Who does she think she is with that beauty mark – a brunette Jean Harlow?}

Brenda turned back to the light, but her feet just seemed to refuse to move any farther on the bridge. On the other hand, the other young woman seemed perfectly content to be moving towards the light and was rapidly approaching the spot where Brenda was rooted.

{Maybe this is all a mistake! I mean, I’m not like *her*, God! I wanted to keep *living*! Maybe since we look so much alike You got us confused! I still deserve the chance to live!}

Just as the other young woman drew up along side Brenda on the bridge, she stopped. Then, a peaceful feeling washed over Brenda, and she closed her eyes as she heard it in her brain.

Brenda opened her eyes just for a moment and looked at the young woman. She smiled a beatific smile at Brenda and reached out to touch her hand briefly. Then, her gaze swung back to the light and she passed Brenda on the bridge. Brenda turned around to watch where the young woman was going and what would happen, but she suddenly was pulled into the swirling vortex of light again.

There was incredible vertigo, and a rushing roar all around her like being caught in the middle of a tornado. Suddenly, everything grew quiet again and Brenda felt incredibly warm. The voices were the first thing she heard.

"She’s got a sinus rhythm back again, doctor! Blood pressure’s coming back up!"

"Thank God! Is someone still getting her husband?"

Brenda frowned and realized that she still had her eyes shut. {OK, this isn’t heaven anymore, or whatever that big waiting room was called – maybe I’m in the hospital. Yeah! That’s it! They found me in the water and pulled me out and Sonny’s probably waiting to hear if I’m OK! But why did they call him my husband?}

As Brenda struggled to open her eyes, the pain hit her. She felt like God herself was closing a vise around her stomach. The force of the pain caused Brenda’s eyes to fly open and a screech to come from her mouth. "Oh…my God! That hurts!!!"

"She’s back with us, doctor." A nurse gently wiped perspiration from Brenda’s forehead.

{Well of course I am, you idiot! With pain like that, you think I’d be asleep?}

As Brenda shifted her attention from the attending nurse down towards her stomach, she almost did pass out. Her feet were up in stirrups and her stomach looked like a watermelon was currently growing there. Before Brenda could even squeak out a question as to where she was or what was happening, another pain hit her.

"Ohhhh, God! That hurts!"

"I know, Mrs. Jacks," a man’s voice said from somewhere in the vicinity of her exposed crotch. "But it’s really too late for us to give you anything and I can already see the baby’s head crowning. So if you’ll just give us a few more big pushes, I think we can see if you’ve got a son or a daughter!"

{I’m in labor!!?? I’m having a baby!!?? Well, that certainly explains why the gal on the bridge wanted to die, cause these pains are no picnic. But if I’m Mrs. Jacks, who the heck is Mr. Jacks?}

Brenda never had taken a Lamaze class in her life but instinct took over and she began panting through her open mouth to try to get through the pain. "That’s good, Mrs. Jacks," the doctor crooned – or at least, Brenda assumed he was the doctor. {That’s who he’d *better* be if he’s down there seeing my naked private parts!} "Now just wait for the next contraction and I’ll tell you when to push."

Brenda was trying to regain her composure when she heard a commotion coming from the other side of the room. She heard another male voice, and this one didn’t sound happy. "I told you, I didn’t want to be in the delivery room with her. I never took the classes, and I have no desire…."

"I sent for you, Mr. Jacks." {That was the doctor again.} "I know that you chose not to be with your wife in the delivery room, but I had the nurses get you because there were rather serious complications…."

"Complications? What kind of complications?"

Brenda heard a rustling noise as the second male voice drew closer. It was actually easy to distinguish between the new voice and the doctor’s voice because the new one had a distinctive accent. It was almost pretty – the way he pronounced certain words. {Wait – the doctor called him "Mr. Jacks." That must be the guy I’m supposed to be married to. But why wouldn’t he want to be in the delivery room with me?}

"Everything was proceeding normally in the delivery. But when Mrs. Jacks started experiencing the onset of hard labor," the doctor explained, "we were prepared to give her an epidural, and then suddenly….."

"Go on." The second voice was devoid of emotion.

"….well, there’s no other way to say it, Mr. Jacks. Your wife flat-lined on us."

"WHAT???!!!" Brenda was still trying to sort out the players in the drama when the owner of the second voice rushed up near her head to look at her. Brenda had to squint – the bright lights in the delivery room were shining down on her and the man was so tall that he was directly in the line of one of the lights. She put her hand up to shade her eyes, but the man moved out of her vision again that quickly.

"Well, she’s obviously *not* bloody well dead now!!" Mr. Jacks replied, but as the doctor took a breath to go on, another contraction hit Brenda and she shrieked loudly.

"That’s good, Mrs. Jacks, give us a big push now," the doctor said above the noise of her shouting. Brenda grabbed for the nurse’s hand who had swabbed her forehead and all she got was air. Apparently the nurse had gone elsewhere in the delivery room. She heard the doctor’s voice again. "Mr. Jacks, as long as you’re gowned, you can help your wife get through the pain of the delivery. Why don’t you let her squeeze your hand?"

Brenda was panting hard, but when the man who was supposed to be her husband suddenly took her outstretched hand, she felt like an electric shock had run through her body. His hand was warm and reassuring, and much bigger than hers. She gripped it for all she was worth and she felt a strange sense of peace when she began to feel his fingers close around hers tentatively.

"That’s it, Mrs. Jacks, now just one more and we’re home free." Brenda squeezed her eyes shut as she grimaced with the pain of forcing the new life from her body. {Geez, no wonder that gal wanted to die. I think I still might, trying to push out this watermelon….} She vaguely realized she was probably shutting off the circulation in her husband’s hand, but at the time it didn’t matter.

Brenda began to pant rapidly as the pain receded and she felt the baby slip from her body into waiting arms. She heard the angry cry of a newborn, and despite only being pregnant for ten minutes, tears formed in her eyes at the sound. When she tried to wipe them from her face, she realized she was still holding her "husband’s" hand, and she looked up at him.

The mysterious Mr. Jacks wasn’t looking at Brenda but at his newborn child. He was tall – very tall. Probably slender, although Brenda couldn’t tell for sure with the hospital gown over his street clothes. He had thick, wavy blonde hair that looked sun-streaked. His features looked classically handsome, but turned the way he was, she couldn’t see the color of his eyes.

"It’s a son, Jax! You’ve got a son!" The doctor’s voice was joyous.

{That’s funny – why would he just call him by his last name? But it’s a boy! He’ll probably be so happy…..}

To Brenda’s utter shock, her husband’s face went white and he dropped her hand like he had been burned. "Is he healthy?"

"Looks like it. Ten fingers, ten toes, and one of what every little boy should have," the doctor replied above the din of the baby’s crying. "Congratulations, Jax!"

Brenda felt the chill in the room as though someone had opened a meat locker. "Save your congratulations for Brenda, Dr. Fielding. He’s *her* son." Brenda immediately looked up at her husband and finally saw the color of his eyes.

They were blue – an amazing shade of blue. She wasn’t sure if the color of the hospital gown just enhanced them, but they were totally mesmerizing. But it was the icy venom that Brenda saw there that truly chilled Brenda to her soul. As Mr. Jacks gave her a look that could have brought lesser women to tears, he looked back down at the doctor and then abruptly left her side. When Brenda heard the whoosh of the delivery room doors opening and closing, she knew, without even having to ask anyone.

Mr. Jacks hated Mrs. Jacks.

{But he called me Brenda! That other gal must have been a Brenda, too!} As the doctor routinely worked on Brenda, cleaning up the remnants of the delivery and suturing her episiotomy, she tried to put together the events of the past two hours.

Brenda Barrett had died in Port Charles, New York, and gone to …..somewhere. Not exactly heaven, but not exactly the other place either. But she wasn’t ready to die. She wasn’t finished living yet. Meanwhile, Brenda Jacks was delivering a child…..somewhere….and was ready to die. She *wanted* to die. And she had also gone to that "waiting place" when she flat-lined during the delivery.

And in her infinite wisdom that day, God decided that the two Brenda’s deserved a chance to exchange souls. The soul of Brenda Jacks had gone to the bright light and peace, and the soul of Brenda Barrett had come back to earth to live in the body of Brenda Jacks. Just in time to give birth to Brenda Jacks’ son.

"Here he is, Mrs. Jacks. He’s a beautiful little boy." She was jolted from her thoughts by the sound of the delivery room nurse and when she looked up, they were placing the newborn in her arms.

{Not "the newborn." MY SON. He’s my son now.}

Brenda felt the air rush from her lungs at the first contact with the warm, squirmy little body. "Hello, you precious thing, you," Brenda crooned happily. "My sweet baby boy – I’m your mommy."

Brenda took a finger and traced it down the baby’s cheek and caught her breath when the baby stirred and opened his eyes. She had always heard that all babies had blue eyes, but this baby’s eyes were definitely the awesome shade of blue-green that his father’s were. Brenda laughed a little as she traced her finger down the minute cleft in his chin that also was identical to his father’s.

{Definitely. My son is the *spitting image* of his father.}

Brenda sighed aloud and held the baby closer to her, cuddling him for comfort. He squealed a little at being held so tightly, and the nurse reached out for him. "Why don’t you let me hold him while they get you set up in your room, Mrs. Jacks?"

"Oh – do you have to take him away to the nursery? I wish I could hold him just a little longer," Brenda moaned as the events of the day began to take a toll.

"Don’t you remember, Mrs. Jacks? Your husband arranged for you to have a birthing suite. The baby will room in with you as soon as they convert the room back from the delivery mode."

"My husband…..arranged all that? For me?" Brenda was tired but knew she had to find out a little about where she had landed and who this Brenda Jacks was.

"Yes, ma’am," the nurse replied. "And I’ll be staying with you and the young Master Jacks. I’m a private duty nurse – don’t you remember? Your husband hired me about a week ago when you were coming close to your due date."

Brenda put her hand to her forehead as she felt the bed being wheeled backwards. The lights in the room dimmed to a more comfortable level. "I’m sorry. You must think I’m a total idiot. It’s just that things have been so ….. busy lately." {That sounds possible. Not bad for improvisation.}

"Well, Mr. Jacks did make the majority of the arrangements without you present," the nurse continued as she handed the baby back to Brenda. Once she was sure that Brenda was holding him firmly, she went to the window in the room and pulled back the drapes, letting bright sunshine flood the room. "Ahh…looks like another beautiful day." She looked over her shoulder at Brenda. "But I guess you get used to that kind of weather all the time here in southern California."

Brenda tried not to make a sound but funny little gurgling noises rattled in her throat. {Southern California? Not Port Charles? Geez….when God does this relocation stuff, She doesn’t just do it halfway!!!}

The nurse meanwhile busily set things right in the room, pushing the heavy medical equipment to the side. But as she rounded the bed on one of her trips, Brenda grabbed her by the arm, forcing her to look her in the eyes.

"He hates me, doesn’t he? Mr. Jacks, I mean." Brenda knew she was taking a chance, but her curiosity got the better of her.

The nurse sighed but then looked down at the infant, who had fallen asleep in Brenda’s arms. "I’m not in the position to say whether he hates you, Mrs. Jacks," she replied coldly, "but you’ve taken a step in the right direction."

"By having his baby?"

"By giving him a son. Every man wants a son." The nurse took the baby from Brenda’s arms and turned around to walk him over to the new crib that had been wheeled into the room.

Brenda didn’t hear what the nurse said after that because her back was turned. As the nurse placed the baby in his crib, she patted his little warm body lovingly and whispered, "Yes, every man wants a son. Almost as much as he wants a faithful wife."

To be continued……