Actually, the baby wasn’t crying. He was screaming his bloody little lungs out. Jax almost had to put a finger in each ear to prevent the eardrum from shattering. Then, to add to the pain, he realized that what he thought was the sound of someone’s dying cat was actually Ned, attempting to soothe his son by singing to him.

"ASHTON!!! STOP HIDING BEHIND THAT BABY OF YOURS AND COME ANSWER THE DOOR LIKE A MAN!!" Jax took deep breaths, trying to calm himself, but the crying and warbling continued. He pounded his closed fist once on the inside door and shouted again. "NED!! IT’S JAX!! OPEN THE DOOR!!"

Apparently someone inside finally heard the commotion outside because the crying got louder and then the front door opened just a crack. "Jax? Is it something really urgent? Because now’s not really a good......"

"Like I give a bloody tinker’s d*mn if it’s a good time or not!" Jax pushed past a startled Ned so quickly that he was inside the house in the blink of an eye. He heard Ned close the door behind him with a loud sigh as Christopher continued to cry. When Ned turned to him, Jax had his hands on his hips. "How could you, Ned?" he spat angrily.

Ned shook his head in desperation and walked towards the living room, bouncing the baby a little as he did. "I don’t know, Jax. Lois and I ask ourselves the same question every day. Why didn’t we just *rent* a kid or something first? -- so we’d know that we just weren’t cut out for this ......"

"I’m not talking about your son, Ashton!" Jax rubbed his hair briskly with his spread fingers and then his face softened a little. "What’s the matter with the little bugger, anyway?" The doctor in Jax took over as he came closer to Ned and put his hand on the baby’s forehead. "He’s a little warm. Maybe he’s got a virus."

Ned shook his head and began walking in circles around Jax, bouncing the baby as he did. "You’d be warm, too, if you had just been crying your guts out for the past 45 minutes!" He began to sway back and forth. "We’ve had Fred Peterson check him out and he’s fine. Just crabby as h*ll."

"Colic?" Jax knit his eyebrows, his anger temporarily forgotten as the diagnosis intrigued him.

Ned shrugged. "Could be, I suppose, but he’s a little young for that. Fred just says some babies are more vocal than others, and we’re one of the lucky sets of parents that are blessed with a child with good lungs."

Jax nodded but then his face clouded over again. "Maybe that’s what you get for lying to friends."

Ned paled a little. "Lying? What do you mean, lying?"

Christopher began to scream even louder and Jax had to shout to make himself heard above the baby. "I just saw Brenda on TV from New York. She’s not starving, Ned. Her old man sends her cheesecake every month from the Plaza. She’s not poor, either. She’s been forgetting to cash dividend checks from investments she’s got in Timbuktoo, or someplace."

Ned looked a little sheepish, but then frowned as Christopher began another chorus. "So?"

"So why the elaborate story? Why didn’t you just let nature take its course with Brenda and I?" Jax plunged his fists into his pants pockets. "If we weren’t meant to be, then we just weren’t......"

"But you two WERE meant to be, you Aussie idiot!" Ned exploded. Jax looked a little taken aback, but Ned’s patience had expired long before Jax showed up at his door. "You two were…..ARE…..perfect for each other!"

"Perfect? I think your son’s crying has melted your brain cells, Ashton." Jax grimaced when the baby started a fresh round of howling. "Brenda and I fight like cats and dogs. We can’t seem to be in the same room with each other without nearly coming to blows."

"Funny, but you two didn’t seem combative when Lois and I were visiting her in the hospital." He stopped and raised an eyebrow. "In fact, didn’t she say that you had sent her that flower arrangement?"

Jax put his hands in his pockets and stared at the floor. "Well, I….."

"And Andrea tells me that you’ve been stopping in her room on the average of three times a day, and you’re not even charging her for the visits."

"Andrea talks too much sometimes….." Jax mumbled with a frown.

Ned was beginning to grin triumphantly. "Oh, no she doesn’t. Not nearly as much as Jessie, who tells me that you’ve been in a foul mood ever since Brenda was discharged and went to New York on the book tour." He leaned closer to Jax. "It’s not a crime to miss her, Jax."

"I know, I know – Jean already has given me the whole "get-in-touch-with-your-feelings" speech."

Just then, Lois appeared in the doorway to the living room. "You want me to take him for a few minutes, honey?" Her eyes lit on Jax but they didn’t register anything more than recognition. "Oh – hi, Jax. What’re you doin’ here?" She wore jeans that had tatters at the knees and an old shirt of Ned’s that was buttoned crookedly.

Jax opened his mouth to answer but Ned beat him to the punch as Lois took the baby, who continued to cry. "Jax is here to read me the riot act for lying to him."

"Well, he deserved it," Lois answered, shifting Christopher to her shoulder. "Sometimes pig-headed, uptight people don’t realize what’s best for them and they need a little gentle proddin’ to move in the right direction." She glanced back at Ned as she took Christopher from the room. "I’m gonna try feedin’ him again. Maybe he’s just hungry."

Ned nodded absently as Jax sputtered. "Pig-headed!! Uptight!! Does she mean me?"

"If the pale yellow tie with the boring little blue doobers fits, wear it, Jax!" Ned sighed. He sank into an overstuffed chair, gesturing at Jax to do the same. "I mean, you have to admit that ever since you’ve known Brenda, you have relaxed a little with your dress code, haven’t you?"

"There was nothing wrong with wearing a tie in the ER," Jax replied defensively, rubbing his finger under his collar for emphasis.

"It’s too formal, Jax! You’re not in Boston anymore, OK?" Ned sighed and closed his eyes, pressing his fingers to them. "What about that dinner you had with Brenda? Didn’t you tell me that the two of you got along really well?" He gave Jax a crooked half-smile. "Jessie told me that you even told her it was the best time you’ve had since you got to LA."

Jax sat up straighter. "Well, that’s probably only because we didn’t fight that night – I mean, I was so busy worrying about if she was eating enough….." Jax’s eyes widened and he pointed a finger at Ned. "Wait a minute…..Brenda was really nice to *me* that night, too! Did you guys feed her some cock and bull story about me?"

Ned giggled as Lois walked back into the room with a still-crying baby. "No luck, huh?"

"Zippola," Lois replied glumly.

"I guess Jax would say that’s what you deserve for the lie you told Brenda about him."

"What lie? What did you tell her about me?" Jax looked from one to the other.

"I just told her that Miranda was mean to you, that’s all," Lois replied, bouncing Christopher as he prepared to break the sound barrier.

"Mean? Exactly *how* was she mean to me?" Jax inquired as he rose an eyebrow and stood.

Christopher seized the opportunity to cut loose with one of his loudest screams yet. "Oh, for pete’s sake, I told her you were workin’ long shifts at the ER in Boston. And, one night when she wanted to have sex, you couldn’t answer the bell cause you were so tired and Miranda made fun oughtta you, alright?" Lois gave Jax a look that told him in no uncertain terms that her son’s unhappiness meant far more to her than Jax’s.

Jax swallowed hard. "You told her I…..I …..couldn’t?"

Ned rose and went to take the baby from Lois. "Only that time, Jax. Not permanently."

"Thank heaven for small mercies," Jax said through grit teeth. He was about to rail at Lois when she handed over the baby and threw up her hands.

"Look, Jax, I really don’t care if your precious little male.." She paused for emphasis and looked him up and down. " ….whatever is wounded or not." She put her hands on her hips and did her best imitation of Gloria Cerullo chewing out Tommy DiPalvia for riding his bike through her rose garden. "Ned and I just thought it was pretty pathetic that two people who were so obviously meant for each other were so h*ll-bent on givin’ up on each other. I mean, doesn’t it tell you something when two intelligent people like you and Brenda believe such total cr*p as the stories we fed you?" She folded her arms cynically. "Like one guy would *ever* really confide in another guy that he couldn’t get the rocket out to the launchin’ pad…."

"All right, all right!!" Jax threw up his hands in defeat. He turned away from them and put his fingers to the bridge of his nose again. "Maybe…." Jax inhaled to say something but then Christopher’s loud wail made him wince and he turned back to Ned and Lois. "Bloody h*ll, Ashton, give me the baby for a minute. Let me try something."

"Be my guest." As Ned anxiously prepared to hand his infant son over to Jax, Jax held out his right arm so that his hand faced palm up.

"Here now, turn him around, Ned." Jax instructed Ned to place the baby in his arms so that his legs straddled Jax’s elbow and his chest was securely cradled in Jax’s open palm. "OK, now watch." Jax took the baby completely from Ned, sliding his left palm under the baby’s upper body. "See – just pretend that he’s a football and you’re tucking it under your arm to run for the goal." He began to swing the baby through the air and to Ned’s shock, the crying ceased immediately.

"Where…..how….." Ned’s mouth dropped open.

"He’s not cryin’ anymore!" Lois’s voice was filled with awe.

"Take it from the voice of experience, guys," Jax said with a smile as Christopher yawned broadly and shifted a little in his arm. "Some babies just don’t like to be held up on the shoulder or in the traditional arm position. Some like the feeling of lying on their stomachs." Jax shook his head ruefully. "I guess this is the least I can do – seeing’s as how I’ve been such a stubborn, stuck-up…."

"Yeah, yeah, all that too," Lois said quickly, reaching for the baby. "Now just teach me how to do that so me and Ned can get some….. rest." She rose an eyebrow at Ned, who suddenly was wide awake and extremely cheerful.

Ten minutes later, Jax left the silent Ashton home. He drove home in quiet, choosing not to turn on even the radio in the car. How could he have been so stupid? Was Brenda really the best thing that ever had happened to him?

Jax had a late call at the hospital the following morning. He took advantage of the extra time by driving to the mall and heading for one of the trendy clothing stores where mostly pimple-faced adolescents shopped. The gum-chewing salesgirl (who couldn’t add two and two without the aid of a calculator) helped Jax find an assortment of casual sport shirts and a pair of Dockers in every color in his size. As he exited the shop sporting three large shopping bags and wearing one of the new shirts, Jax almost blushed when two young ladies entering the store gave him the once over. He shook his head in amazement when he was further down the mall and he heard a wolf whistle. Turning around to see where it had come from, three women in their twenties waved at him, one of them giving him a thumbs-up and a lewd wink.

He was almost at the exit of the mall when he passed a large bookstore. Jax stopped for a moment, smiled, and then went inside. "Excuse me," he said politely to the salesclerk, who appeared to be the twin sister of the clothing salesgirl, "could you tell me where I might find the romance novel section? Specifically, the ones written by Brenda Barrett?"

"Excuse me?" The middle-aged woman sitting next to Brenda on the plane had bided her time until they were over Colorado to interrupt Brenda’s nap. "I’m sorry to disturb you, but …..aren’t you Brenda Barrett? The romance novelist?"

Brenda nodded and smiled weakly. "That’s right. I was just on tour in New York for my new book and I’m on my way home to LA."

"I thought so!" She elbowed the man sitting next to the window in the ribs. "I told you she was famous, Harvey!" She turned back to Brenda again, smiling widely. "I’ve read *all* of your novels, Miss Barrett, and I just saw you on the Montel show the other day."

"Thank you." Brenda smiled politely at the woman but then shifted a little in her seat. She still cursed that mini-bike rider every night as she rubbed cocoa butter into her scar, hoping that it would start to fade soon and not twinge at every change in the humidity levels. She knew that she had been extremely lucky that she hadn’t been more seriously injured, but nothing had ever sidelined Brenda Barrett, even for a single day, in her life before. Taking things easy was not usually part of her routine.

The woman continued to babble. "I guess being on those talk shows is a real experience, huh?"

"Actually, they all seem alike after a while," Brenda sighed. "I always seem to be on the days that there aren’t any handsome guests like Brad Pitt or George Clooney!"

The woman shared Brenda’s laugh. "Oh, no, I meant those *other* shows – you know, like Jerry Springer’s show." Brenda tried to get a word in to tell the woman she never appeared on shows that thrived on controversy, but the woman just rattled on. "I just can’t imagine how they think the public actually believes that stuff they put on there is real. I mean, can you imagine – some guy goes on national TV and talks about his sexual problems?" She lowered her voice confidentially to Brenda, whose face was beginning to turn pink, but not with embarrassment. "If you ask me, NO real guy would EVER admit to having problems in the sack! Not even to his best friend, much less to the entire viewing public!"

Brenda began to grip the armrests of the seat tightly. {She’s right! No guy would *ever* admit that he couldn’t….that he was impot..…..even to another guy!} Brenda fumed as the woman suddenly got the picture and just buried her head in her magazine. {Lois *lied* to me!} She could barely wait until the plane landed. {I’ll fix her!}

Brenda set a land speed record getting to her car in long-term parking. She left the parking lot and immediately headed for the Ashton house. As a hard rock tune blared from the car radio, Brenda began to imagine all kinds of torture that she would inflict on Lois to get even with her for her deception.

She pulled up in front of the Ashton house and was surprised to see that although it was only 6PM, all the lights were off. As Brenda walked up the driveway, she was gratified to see that both cars were parked in the garage. At least she hadn’t made the trip for nothing.

Brenda pulled open the screen door, causing it to rattle on its hinges. "LOIS ASHTON!! OPEN THIS DOOR!!" She pounded on the door with her fist, not even waiting 15 seconds before she began ringing the doorbell. She frowned a little when she heard the sounds of scuffling inside and then a muffled giggle. "LOIS MARIE!! I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!! COME OUT BEFORE I COME IN AND GET YOU!!"

Brenda was about to put her shoulder to the door when it suddenly opened just a crack. "Brenda!" Lois was breathless and had a silly smile on her face. "You’re back!"

"You’re d*mn right I’m back!" Brenda exclaimed, but then she noticed Lois’s attire, or rather – lack of it. Ned’s shirt hung loosely off one of Lois’s shoulders and she clutched it together in the front with her right fist. Her legs appeared to be bare and she didn’t have on shoes or socks, either. Brenda’s eyes narrowed in a frown. "Are you OK?"

"Fine! I’m just fine, Brenda! But you look tired, ‘ya know? So why don’t you just go on home and take a nice….." Lois was desperately trying to close the front door again as she doubled over with a high-pitched giggle.

"I don’t want to go home, Lois!" Brenda pushed the door back open but it still left only about a ten inch gap. "I want you to tell me why you lied to me about Jax! Even if he couldn’t……if he didn’t….." She blushed and took a breath to find the words. "….he still would never have admitted it to Ned! Guys just don’t talk about those things!"

Suddenly Lois was pulled away from the door and a bare-chested Ned appeared in her place. "No, Brenda, guy’s DON’T talk about those things! You wanna know what guys talk about?" Brenda shook her head "no" quickly – Ned was wearing some white boxers with red hearts that hung VERY low on his hips, and he had a look in his eye that made Brenda realize what she had interrupted.

"Well, I’m gonna tell you anyway," Ned continued, sounding very pompous even though he was in his underwear – barely. "Guys talk about how happy they are when they’re finally able to make love to their wives again after their new baby finally ended a three-day crying marathon! Guys talk about how they hate to be interrupted when they finally get some time alone with their wives again! And guys talk about how MONUMENTALLY STUPID some people can be when it comes to recognizing the best thing that ever happened to them – and I do mean YOU, Brenda!"

"Ned, I’m really….I mean, I didn’t…." Brenda gave Ned a sheepish smile as she backed behind the screen door, but he followed her part of the way out the door.

"No, you didn’t, Brenda. You didn’t give Jax a chance. You decided he had to be just as perfect as all of those celluloid heroes in your books. Well, he’s not perfect, Brenda, but he’s probably as d*mn close as you’re gonna come in this lifetime!"

"You’re *absolutely* right, Ned," Brenda blushed, starting to back her way down the front steps of their porch. "Now, why don’t you and Lois go back to doing whatever you were doing, and I’ll just……leave."

"GOOD!!" Ned stormed back into his house with as much dignity as he could muster in his boxers, slamming the door behind him loudly. Brenda stood open-mouthed on the porch until she began to hear soft whimpers and moans coming from inside. She walked back to her car, but once she got inside, she propped her elbow on the driver’s door and rested her forehead in her hand, rubbing her fingers back and forth across her forehead.

{Is Ned really right? What if Jax really *is* the best thing that ever happened to me?}

Later that same evening, Jax sat alone in the ER doctors’ lounge, quietly absorbed in one of Brenda’s novels. He had bought three different ones in the bookstore, and began reading the book with the least embarrassing cover art first. Reaching blindly for his coffee mug as he sat at a table, he grabbed the air a few times before his hand connected with the handle and he brought the cup to his lips for a quick sip.

Nurse Jessie Moore opened the swinging door to the lounge. But as soon as her eyes lit on her boss and what he was doing, she backtracked into the hallway and deliberately made a lot of noise, clearing her throat and slapping her flat hand against the door before entering. When she looked at Jax again, he had flipped the book down and covered it with a small stack of patient charts.

Jessie walked over to the coffee pot with a smug smile. "It’s certainly quiet tonight, isn’t it, Jax?"

Jax nodded absently, his eyes glued to the charts so that they missed her smirk at his pathetic ruse. "Yeah, but you know, it’s good we have those kind of nights every once in a while so I can get caught up on my paperwork."

Jessie brought her coffee cup over to the table and planted herself in a chair. "Well, I’m glad I don’t have to worry about all that bureaucratic stuff." She leaned forward a little. "Now personally, when I get a chance to relax on a slow night, there’s nothing I like better than reading a good book to take my mind off this place."

Jax never looked up but chewed on his pen thoughtfully. "Hmmm….really? Any suggestions?"

Jessie shook her head and bit her cheek to keep from laughing out loud. "No….not really. Although, I have to admit that I enjoyed the sequel to the one you’re reading now more than the first volume."

Jax looked up abruptly. "But you…..how could you?….I mean, I didn’t….."

Jessie gave Jax’s hand a maternal pat. "It’s OK, Jax, you don’t have to be embarrassed about reading Brenda’s novels." He glared at her momentarily but then exhaled loudly and sank back in the chair, pushing the charts aside. Jessie chuckled and leaned back in her chair, too, sipping at her coffee. "Actually, we had a bet going out at the desk as to how long it would take before you broke down and bought one."

Jax arched an eyebrow. "Really? So who wins?"

Jessie frowned. "I’m not sure. Amy’s keeping track of the stats." She laughed again. "Although V wouldn’t exactly stick to the rules – she swore you’d never invest good money in one and that you might borrow one from the library on a cold day in h*ll!"

Jax just shook his head and then picked up the book again, looking critically at the cover. "Well, although I don’t think it’ll ever win a Pulitzer Prize, I have to admit the plot does get you hooked after a while." He raised his eyes to meet Jessie’s. "But do women really fantasize about this kind of stuff? Being swept off their feet? Being *overpowered* by a man?"

"Well, not overpowered in any kind of violent way," Jessie replied, "but I think most women wouldn’t mind being thoroughly romanced by a handsome, tender prince."

"So, where does that leave all of us ordinary-looking, wannabe-sensitive Joes?" Jax sighed, fingering the pages of the book as Jessie rose from her chair.

Jessie went to put her cup on the sink and then came to stand behind Jax, placing her hands on his shoulders. "Jax, when a man thoroughly romances a woman, he *becomes* her handsome, tender prince." She sighed loudly and stared into space. "Somehow, when he sends those long-stemmed red roses with the babies’ breath and the card that says, "Have I told you lately how much I love you?", we forget about the beer belly and the bald spot on the top of his head." She patted his shoulder with one hand. "And besides, Jax," she leaned down to whisper closer to his ear, "you’re pretty close to prince material in the looks department, anyway!"

Jessie walked to the door to the lounge. "Of course, if you tell *anyone* that I said that, I’ll have to retaliate!"

Jax gave her a wicked smile. "Gee, and here I was just on the way to talk to Amy about something!"

Jessie wagged her finger at her boss. "Now, Jax……just remember……It turns out in the end that the hero IS the earl’s son after all!"

Jax’s eyes grew wide and he grabbed for the book as Jessie opened the door with a smile. "No way! He couldn’t be!" Jax rapidly leafed through the pages.

"But he is," Jessie grinned, standing in the doorway as he stopped and pointed to a page.

"But see – it says here that he didn’t have the birthmark that the old man had. He CAN’T be his son."

Jessie waltzed through the door, letting it almost close behind her. "Jax…" He looked up at Jessie with a superior smirk. "The birthmark skips a generation." Jessie let the door close behind her as his face fell and he slumped back into the chair.

Jax sighed loudly and reached for his coffee cup as he was alone in the lounge once again. He took a sip and then scowled broadly. "Cold!!" He got up from the chair and went to the sink, where he dumped out the coffee and rinsed out his cup before he refilled it with some fresh.

When he returned to the table, he picked up the book again and read a few more pages. Jax hadn’t told Jessie that the thing he found most interesting about the book was the love scenes. Not because he enjoyed reading about other peoples’ experiences – he wasn’t some kind of pervert or anything. But reading about it like this gave him the woman’s viewpoint, something Jax had never considered before. He never realized that women could feel so much, just from having a man caress her a certain way or kiss her with a certain passion.

And as Jax settled into his chair to read more of the novel, he realized something else. {She’s scared. Brenda is sexually scared.} Obviously, most of the heroines in Brenda’s books had some element of herself in them. And most of them – before they met their handsome, tender princes – had only had rotten experiences with sex.

As Jax opened the book to read more, Jessie stuck her head in the lounge door. "Units just called, Jax. They’re bringing in some victims from an auto accident – sounds pretty serious."

"I’m coming, Jess," Jax answered, quickly dumping his coffee and then stopping for a moment at his locker to throw the book inside. He slammed the door and then stopped for a moment to smile. {Romance, huh? Well, if it’s uninhibited romance you want, Ms. Barrett, it’s uninhibited, un-stuffy, un-conservative romance you’ll get!!!}

To be continued…….